Should You Use No Contact With a Depressed Ex?

[zacharie7301]

We had a great relationship of 2 years, which out of no where she broke up with me due to her depression. She asked that we remain friends and that I support her. She said she doesn't want to be a burden to me, I would be happier with someone else, she doesn't want to drag me into her problems (school, family, & work stress).

She's been a bit hot and cold when it comes to texting, sometimes responding quick, other times take hours or days to reply, but lately she's been even more distant and pushing me away. We have close ties that will keep us in each others lives someway, but I don't want to appear like I abandon her in her time of need since she was there for me when she was healthier, but I was dealing with job stress and loss of a family member.

Some say that pushing me away is common for the depressed and that I should continue to reach out without being too pushy, but I can't lie it's hard when the person is distant and pushing you away.

Should I use no contact with my depressed ex to give her space? That could possibly make her feel like I abandon her

or Should I reach out with Limit contact by reaching out once a week? 

[schlumpy]

I'm sorry but you need to find out if she has another guy.

She is displaying all the classic symptoms.

>vague undefinable reason for breaking up.

>hot and cold

>throwing out crumbs to old BF just incase new BF doesn't work out.

Regardless of why she is doing this you need to go dark. It's the only way to turn the tables.

If she comes back please make sure it's not because the new guy dumped her. You will just get a repeat.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Loveshack should really have a dedicated forum for Depressed Exes with the number of people who post about  the same issue. It seems that every week a new person is here wondering how to be there for a depressed partner who's just broken up with them, how to demonstrate their loyalty, hoping that the depression has clouded their feelings and they'll come back once it passes. Wondering if their ex will think they've been abandoned if they go No Contact. Sad to read so many similar stories. 

OP, there's not much you can do here. If she's unresponsive and increasingly distancing herself then I would heed that and stop reaching out . You can't exactly be supportive if she's not open to receiving support. So, I don't think she's going to assume you've abandoned her. And that's a risk she took ending the relationship, depressed or not. 

For you own well-being, I would take a giant step back. 

 

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, zacharie7301 said:

Should I use no contact with my depressed ex to give her space? That could possibly make her feel like I abandon her

or Should I reach out with Limit contact by reaching out once a week? 

You misunderstand NC.  It's not about her.  It's about you.  You go NC to help you heal.  It's not tool to make her miss you.  Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. 

Depressed people don't know what they are doing.  On some level her pushing you away is a test to see if you will stick around.  If you want to play that game you need to tell her that you love her & that she's not a burden, that you want to be with her but you won't be manipulated.  So either you are together & functioning as a couple or you are broken up & there won't be support from you, because you will need time to heal & you can't be expected to buttress her after she dumped you.  

You can't be friends with her.  You have to disconnect on all platforms so that you can heal & move forward.  This LC you want to try is nonesense.  It will keep you tethered to her in limbo making you an orbiter.  

Edited September 15, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Fletch Lives]

People with mental issues can be difficult if not impossible to deal with. Leave it to her counselor..

 

[elaine567]

Depression Symptoms and Warning Signs