bicyclejunk Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I hate getting the Silent Treament. It's like needles in my eyes, Anyway, i've been trying and trying (you may have seen other posts of mine) to break my girl open in caring ways, about Communication and the Lack Of Sex lately and just the fact that I hate that when an a tiny argument arises or I have some issues to discuss (which are usually minor) she clams up and won't talk. how can I Get thru to her??? I need more input and help from her....but she's HORRIBLE at talking, she tends to avoid "talks" like the Plague... Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 If you hate it then ditch her. Or if you feel nice, tell her it's unacceptable and you'll ditch her if she keeps doing it. Just make sure you follow through. There's nothing like the prospect of being dropped to make someone improve their behaviour in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I like to give my h the silent treatment .. i talk to him as little as possible except when it concerns our daughter when we have had a argument .He told me hates it when i ignore him but when i try to communicate with him it escalates so when he says ugly things to me i wait to talk with him when he apologizes .. I use to not ever do it but i think when i do i get respect otherwise he doesn't see where he is fault and thinks he is never wrong and i make him do the things he does !! Yeah whatever we are the only one that are at fault for our actions not noone else and till he sees that i will continue the silent treatement.. Maybe she sees that you are hard to communicate with just as i do with my h and that in turn makes her not want to even try cause personally i am so exhausted from trying to communicate and getting nothing but abuse so i clam up and am quiet .. Do you do the same things that my h does? Good Luck hope it all works out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Giving someone the 'silent treatment' is extremely hostile. It's not a mature way of handling conflict whatsoever. If it is happening in your relationship. you need to confront the person who is doing it and let them know it's unacceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bicyclejunk Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 No way, i'm not mean to her or degrading or hostile in any way to her... she just gets quiet and won't say anything, won't say what's on her mind when i ask her about something.. If i tease her or do something silly, and she hates it, She'll not talk to me for like 20 minutes, even longer. If she's mad at me, she'll turn over and go to bed without saying nothing, no "goodnight" no nothing. It's disrepectful i think and YEAH, it's immature. I just don't know how to get her to stop it. and how to get her to open up and talk to me and tell me what her deal is...I'm not an Overbearing person, at all!!! we've been together a lonnnng time. She can't talk to me? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 If it's upsetting you, then it's an effective strategy for her. If you have some other standards for how you want to communicate, then it's up to you to enforce them. I wouldn't threaten her with breakup if she can't meet them. I'd just make it clear to her that if she wants results then she'll have to learn to tell you what she's after. Otherwise you're under no obligation to acknowledge the problem. If I get this kind of treatment I always make it clear that I'm more than able to something else to do, and then I go do it. No emotion about it from me. Then I always get called a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
MazzyFlower Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Is she a Libran? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Is she a Libran? I first read this is as Librarian. I could see the quiet treatment if she was a librarian. Maybe you just need to whisper. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I first read this is as Librarian. I could see the quiet treatment if she was a librarian. Maybe you just need to whisper. :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author bicyclejunk Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 i think we're doomed, because I'm still getting the silent treatment whenever we disagree on anything. I know it's not the end of the world, but come on, 8 years together and she still can't talk to me??? Counseling? maybe. I just don't know with her. It's so easy for her to just turn her head and Ignore me sometimes if we have a small little dumb disagreement. Even though, I know she would be TOTALLY HURT by that, if I didn't talk to her and Ignored her all night!!! **She went Silent on me last night, went into the bedroom, closed the door and went to bed at 5:30PM. Didn't say nothing, didn't say goodnight. It was a little misunderstanding we had because she wasn't feeling good, was tired, was trying to make dinner in a bad mood, but I said she should relax, take a rest, we could make dinner later...So she rested (but she acted like she was being forced to rest) and any sort of suggestion i made to help her, like go out and grab dinner for us so she wouldn't have to cook and could just relax, Wasn't making her happy. She was acting like I was bossing her around Like i was forcing her to rest. Long Story Short, She busted into tears 5 minutes later, because as she claims "she wasn't feeling good" and stormed out and jumped in bed, in her day clothes. ???? Could she be despressed? I know despression is somewhat present amongst the women in her family. But she's so Jeckyll and Hyde because she can be SOoooo jovial and soooo happy most of the time. But then she can so easily go into a "i'm not talking to anyone and everyone is against me" kinda mood and give me the silent treatment. She'll never apologize either. It's always me trying to break her out of her funk. Asking what's wrong in caring ways. Checking on her. Etc. Etc. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 This post was from 2005 and you're still having probs with her? I really think you all should just split. Its not healthy for her to give you the silent treatment and its not healthy for you to keep accepting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bicyclejunk Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 We have a great relationship otherwise...We hardly ever argue. It's just in those times when we do *disagree, She goes into silent mode and treats me like a total stranger as If I am the worst person in the world and wants nothing to do with me, even when I'm apologizing for things i didn't even do, just to smooth things out. *Disagreeing For things that are so ridiculous and petty I might add. Believe me, i've told her that her silence and non-communication tactics are No Good for our relationship MANY times. Her response is always "That's just the way I am"...or "you knew I was this way when you met me" or "That's just how I deal with things" with no real desire to come to a compromise. What's with this Chick? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I was just going to say the samething. 2 years later and you're still having the same problems? Either tell her to get to counselling with you and FIX the problems or end it and move on. You're wasting your time on someone who treats you like crap. I'm sorry, but this has nothing to do with love - She doesn't respect you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 You guys sound like my parents. Accept the silent treatments came after the yelling. Actually I remember one time my dad gave my mom the silent treatment for a whole week. It was over food. But in all reality if my mom didn't agree with something he would act like a 2 year old or go around yelling about how their's never toliet paper , or how the dishes are not placed right in the dishwasher. Usually it was the most dumbest ****ing things know to mankind. Sorry...So back to what I was trying to say, I suggest MC too. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 The silent treatment is usually used by people who are unable to communicate effectively while angry. It's passive-aggressive because you try to be nice to her throughout it so it's far more effective than having to put the effort into communicating properly. Consider it a way to control when the two of you communicate. It can also be used to take some time to control emotions previous to communication but it doesn't sound like the case with your SO. I would treat it the same way as experts suggest treating a child with a tantrum. Leave them alone and then tell them that when they've gotten control of their emotions, they can come to you. In the interim, you'll be in family room watching TV. Link to post Share on other sites
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