theperfectlife Posted September 16, 2020 Share Posted September 16, 2020 Much has happened since i last posted on this site. My daughter who 6 yrs ago discovered my affair while i was cheating forgave me enough to have a relationship with me, but with boundaries. She was 17 at the time, and refused to EVER meet my new man. We managed to rebuild and have a relationship together, as long as the boundaries were set. She said she would never accept him . Despite knowing we got engaged 2 yrs ago, we maintained our relationship. History: Unfortunately 6 yrs ago , she followed texts and messages that were VERY EXPLICIT in nature. All hell broke loose. She told people who only made things 100 x worse than it needed to be! Despite this, myself and my other man left our marriages. My new man has honestly given me the most secure, loving partnership i have ever experienced. I was trying to embrace this new love relationship despite my daughters feelings. I knew she would be living her own life one day, and truly believed she would one day understand. We divorced when she was 17. I never felt good enough for her dad. During our 23 yr marriage, my ex husbands expectations were very high and i always was worried he was be mad at me . This is not an excuse but I am trying to paint the picture. I truly regret the deception and cheating! I have apologized 100 x over!!!!!!!!! We got married Sept 5 with no one there. We originally had a wedding planned but changed the date once. I knew how my daughter felt, but wanted to marry him and share the rest of my life with him. She is now no longer speaking to me.....despite the fact i told her i was marrying him this year Any thoughts or advice? thanks in advance, guilt consumed but want happiness Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 On 9/15/2020 at 11:04 PM, theperfectlife said: I knew how my daughter felt, but wanted to marry him and share the rest of my life with him. She might get over the fact that you married another man, she might not. In all honesty it's impossible for us to judge anything based on your side of the story. I'm sure she has her reasons for not talking to you. She is doing what she feels she needs to be happy, despite your protests. I guess you're going to have to accept that. Just like you married him for your happiness despite her protests. If you want to read about family estrangement there are some great articles floating about the internet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Did you include her in the preparations and invite her to the wedding? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 It's impossible to say how this all turns out. Family ties are very strong between parent and child. I would not urge her to accept your new reality but show her it was the right decision for you. I don't know if your hope that she will understand your situation when she gets older will bear fruit but it doesn't really matter since you have chosen your AP over your daughter and don't think she doesn't see it that way. I understand you would welcome her back but under your terms - not hers. Time will tell is she will accept that deal. You may find yourself on the outside looking in if there are grandchildren in the future. You have apologized for your behavior but you are still a liar and a cheat. These are learned behaviors that do not vanish after their use gets you what you want. Instead they lie dormant in your mind until favorable conditions reawaken them. This is the price you pay and you seem very willing to pay it. Enjoy your life and love until the shine wears off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 (edited) Is she your only child? Are you able to have/do you want to have more children with this man? How are his children handling the situation? Quote she followed texts and messages that were VERY EXPLICIT in nature. All hell broke loose. She told people who only made things 100 x worse than it needed to be! Quote We got married Sept 5 with no one there. We originally had a wedding planned but changed the date once. I knew how my daughter felt, but wanted to marry him and share the rest of my life with him. She is now no longer speaking to me.....despite the fact i told her i was marrying him this year If she was that vindictive, I wouldn't hold out any hope of you and her reconciling. She's going to punish you for the foreseeable future and that may include keeping you away from her children. She was too young/immature and worldy inexperienced to handle what she saw. And how did she get her hands on your messages? What she wants is for you and her dad to get back together and assure her happiness. Your happiness or even her father's happiness doesn't enter into her thought process. This is probably her very first "life ain't a bowl of cherries" experience and she handled it the way a teenager would handle it. Since it worked for her 6 years ago, she most likely figures it will work for her again and her punishing you will force you to leave this man---and then is when she will back off her campaign. It's going to be a rough couple of years ahead of you with regards to her for as long as you don't bend to her will. Edited September 18, 2020 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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