Need support

[theperfectlife]

I will provide some other facts.  I have been trying constantly to regain my relationship with my daughter.  I reach out to her on a regular basis because i love and miss her. I have apologized over and over.  I buy her gifts on her bday, give her advice on work and relationships,  and long to see her on holidays and special occasions.  Only within the past couple of years she has succombed to my attempts.  Before that, she been very disrespectful, mean, and treated me terribly. I wouldnt DREAM of saying things to my mom that she has said to me!   I have been SUFFERING and paying the consequences since the affair.   I just wish she could move on a little like everyone else has!  She hates mu new husband more than my husbands ex hates me!  I can actually have a decent civil conversation with my husbands ex even though i was the other woman.  The only thing i havent done is give up my relationship.

 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Good grief. I think it's time your daughter gets off her high horse. I'm not condoning affairs or saying it's ok she discovered it, but after all these years, it seems like she enjoys torturing, punishing, and having this power over you. I mean maybe she needs to mature a little and realize life isn't perfect, we all make mistakes and are all prone to not handling things perfectly, and you only get one birth mother. You're doing all you can. 

Time for her to grow up and give back a little. Personally, at this point I probably would've told her you're available to her when she's ready to have a relationship with you again, and then leave her be to come to you. 

Have you gotten advice from a therapist about this?

[DKT3]

if I recall correctly you don't have a good relationship with your other daughter either. 

 

You made your choice and she has made hers. You are unwilling to change so why do you expect her too? 

I think what you're missing is this RELATIONSHIP is your daughter's issue.  So apologies do no good. Its like telling someone you're sorry for stabbing them while you continue to stab them. 

Reality is you have to let this go,  its likely you will never have the relationship with her you want. If there is a chance she has to be the one to take steps towards it.

[Amethyst68]

You walked out on your daughter when she was a young girl during your first affair when you left for your first OM. Then she had to read your sexual and intimate texts with your current husband when she discovered your last affair.  You're lucky she started talking to you at all, she'll probably start again once she's got used to the idea of your marriage but she may never speak to your husband and that's her choice and your consequence. 

You're obviously happy with your husband so live your best life and see what the future brings.  That's all any of us can do at the end of the day. 

One thing to consider you've actually done ok considering your affair if only one person isn't speaking to you,  believe me I've seen and heard of a lot worse. 

[Mrin]

Actions have consequences. We may not understand them or agree with them. But they are there. Real. All you can do is keep showing up. Being open to reconciliation. She may never choose to forgive you reconcile. That will hurt like hell but it is out of your control. You can't change the past. All you can do is be in the present. 

Stoicism is a thing for a reason.