If he is dating other women then what does he want from me?

[Mizz Layta]

I was in an on again off again long distance relationship for 6 years. We were not together for more than 5 months before he would leave again. He said the relationship wasn't working out for him because he wanted a real life in person relationship. We live 4 hours apart and would see each other once a month and stayed together on a minimum of 3 to 4 days. He claimed it wasn't enough for him. So he would leave for the same reasons each time. Only for him to return after 5 to 6 months stating he misses me. Once the excitement wears off, the reality of the distance hit again. Rinse and repeat.

It finally ended for good when he met someone closer. He told that he likes her a lot and wanted to see how things go. I was jealous but understood because I couldn't give him what the new girl could. So I went no contact so I can also move on with my life.5 months later, he was already contacting me on Facebook, stating that he misses me and to text him. I didn't respond to these messages and that was it.

Then a year later he started messaging me again on face book stating that he misses me. He sent several pictures of us together and said " remember this" I miss you my love, I can't live without you. Curiosity got the best of me so I ended up giving in. I wasn't having any luck with dating. I tried dating other guys but nothing ever worked out. So I thought he was serious based on his level of effort to reconnect with me and we're destined to be together. I was now at place where I could move to his city if necessary. We started talking again and he said he had always thought about me and is happy to reconnect. I asked him what happened with the new girl and he said " it just didn't work out "Then he suggested we Skype sometime. We made plans to skype but he started flaking with last minute excuses such as work etc. Didn't think much of it. So we decided to make plans to hangout in person. I was going to drive to his city but he said it's better he comes to see me since he lives with roommates. He was living at home around the time we were together but had now had moved out and living with roommates according to him. So he said he will take 4 days off work to see me. And I was looking forward to it. We talked about it everyday. Then he started pulling back when the day of us meeting got closer. He stopped initiating contact and sometimes he would ignore my texts. Then all the sudden he said sorry, I can't do this right now because I have so much going on in my life and the distance doesn't help. Maybe we might have something in the future once his life is secured. I was hurt all over again. But this time I was more mad at myself for going back to him after his push and pull. And I realized that i set myself up to get hurt. And I had no one to blame but myself. This time around i changed my number and blocked him everywhere. So I can move on once and for all. Then I found out from one of our mutual friend that lives in his town that the roommates he was living with was actually his live in girlfriend. Which now makes sense why he kept flaking on our plans to Skype. One minute he would be available to Skype or talk in the phone, only for work to pop up on the last minute. We had no contact for 3 years and I pretty much moved on, until few days days I logged in on Skype only to see a message from him saying "hey my name" its me " his name" how are you? Please text me, I've been desperately trying to get in touch with you for years".   I can't believe I found you. wow i feel like i'm dreaming. Yet he showed complete lack of interest last time we hung out. I haven't logged in on Skype since we were in contact so I had forgotten he was still my contacts. I blocked him there too..now I feel a bit annoyed why he won't stop popping up. If he is dating other women then what does he want from me? I kept taking him back because I thought we had future but he keeps hurting me and I couldn't take it anymore. Every time we go NC, he starts messaging me and chasing me, once I  reciprocate, it won't be long until he starts withdrawing , ignoring my texts and going cold again.

[d0nnivain]

He likes you but wants something more conventional, where you can easily see each other regularly.  So if there are no immediate plans to close the 4 hour gap don't even bother 

[ExpatInItaly]

He comes looking for you when there's trouble in paradise with his girlfriend, probably. Classic slime-ball. 

In the past, it sounds like you've given into his whims nearly every time and allowed him to treat you as an option he can entertain himself with until someone local catches his eye. So, it follows that he probably thought he could do it again this time. 

Good for you for blocking him. He's a liar and cheater-in-the-making. 

[Ruby Slippers]

This isn't working and never really has. If you were The One, he would have worked with you to find a way to be closer so you could get around these issues.

I suggest you cut off contact and move on. It will probably help a lot to go contact for a certain period of time, like 6 months to a year.

[Wiseman2]

Sadly it seems he turns to you when he's having dry spells. Stop wasting your time or energy on someone like this.

The more you allow this, the further it keeps you from finding someone who is interested in a sustained one-on-one relationship with you.

Edited September 16, 2020 by Wiseman2

[kendahke]

On 9/16/2020 at 8:33 AM, Mizz Layta said:

Then all the sudden he said sorry, I can't do this right now because I have so much going on in my life and the distance doesn't help. Maybe we might have something in the future once his life is secured.

As the Todd Rundgren song goes, you're just "Someone to fall back on".

He likes the attention--he's not down to put his neck in the yoke and pull with you because he's already in a relationship with someone else.

It's never going to work because he won't let it. You're on completely opposing trajectories.

Edited September 18, 2020 by kendahke