People suck.

[Syd8]

Recently I had made plans to hang out with 2 so called friends. I ended up getting ditched by both. The day before the first hang out I got a call from the person and they said they wanted to postpone because they wanted to spend time with another friend they hadn't seen in awhile. I was furious. It felt like a big F you to me because they wanted to hang out with someone more than they wanted to with me. I said fine go ahead. They said let's reschedule for next week. I said ok and haven't even gotten back to the person. I'm done with them. Next up, a former co worker wanted to meet up. I said how about this such date and they said no but they were free the following day and said let's plan something for that day. I got back to them a few days later and they said they had already made plans for that day. I told them you said that day was going to be for us. And they never replied back. I was livid and told them to F off. So yeah, people suck. This is why I'm alone and have no friends. People are inconsiderate and have no idea what friendship is. They just aren't worth it. 

[alphamale]

I just ended a friendship with my friend Pat.  Have known him since 1985.  I couldn't take his Republican bull sheeyot anymore.  I feel much better  now.

Friends are way over-rated.  Stick with family.

[Piddy]

5 minutes ago, alphamale said:

I just ended a friendship with my friend Pat.  Have known him since 1985.  I couldn't take his Republican bull sheeyot anymore.  I feel much better  now.

Friends are way over-rated.  Stick with family.

Good advice, except in your case if you have some Republicans in your family. 

[Syd8]

It's just plain disrespectful. I have never bailed on anyone for any reason. They basically said we'd rather hang out with these people instead of you. Our word means nothing. 

[Datingdisabled]

32 minutes ago, Syd8 said:

It's just plain disrespectful. I have never bailed on anyone for any reason. They basically said we'd rather hang out with these people instead of you. Our word means nothing. 

People don't suck though. Some people suck though. I agree with the above said, stick with family and if they enjoy someone more then go spend time with them. Wish people well and walk away! It's not worth it to do anything but. 

[Ruby Slippers]

People can be flaky, especially during this time, and good friends who are reliable are rare gems. Don't write off everybody because of some bad experiences. My closest friends, the ones I've been friends with for many years, have been there for me when nobody else was, even family.

[mark clemson]

One can always find new friends, although I suppose COVID has made that a bit harder.

[alphamale]

6 hours ago, mark clemson said:

One can always find new friends, although I suppose COVID has made that a bit harder.

yep mark clemson, especially if you're looking for the "romantic friend" type

[Watercolors]

On 9/16/2020 at 11:16 AM, Syd8 said:

It's just plain disrespectful. I have never bailed on anyone for any reason. They basically said we'd rather hang out with these people instead of you. Our word means nothing. 

Agree. Flaking (during COVID, pre-COVID, post-COVID) is not a reasonable excuse AT ALL. You have two options: walk away or call them out on their behavior. It sounds like you have done both. Whether they have social anxiety, a hangover, don't really like you as a friend...there's no way to know. And you can't change their behavior. You can assert your standards, and try to change their behavior by calling them out in a non-confrontational way.

If you're like me, you have zero tolerance for "avoidance." I don't even call people out on flaking anymore. I just end all contact with them. Flakiness is an epidemic due to lack of accountability (because people allow people to flake on them).

And I will never agree with people who don't call out their flaky friends on their bad behavior, who claim, "oh that's just the way they are." Sorry, but you are encouraging people to be flaky by allowing these people to continually flake on you. People who flake are not friends. They just aren't. They are unreliable, immature, and not respectful of other people's time, which means they are very entitled, self-centered personalities. I have zero time for those types of people. I'd rather invest my time and energy with people whose actions match their words. 

 

[Syd8]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

Agree. Flaking (during COVID, pre-COVID, post-COVID) is not a reasonable excuse AT ALL. You have two options: walk away or call them out on their behavior. It sounds like you have done both. Whether they have social anxiety, a hangover, don't really like you as a friend...there's no way to know. And you can't change their behavior. You can assert your standards, and try to change their behavior by calling them out in a non-confrontational way.

If you're like me, you have zero tolerance for "avoidance." I don't even call people out on flaking anymore. I just end all contact with them. Flakiness is an epidemic due to lack of accountability (because people allow people to flake on them).

And I will never agree with people who don't call out their flaky friends on their bad behavior, who claim, "oh that's just the way they are." Sorry, but you are encouraging people to be flaky by allowing these people to continually flake on you. People who flake are not friends. They just aren't. They are unreliable, immature, and not respectful of other people's time, which means they are very entitled, self-centered personalities. I have zero time for those types of people. I'd rather invest my time and energy with people whose actions match their words. 

 

I had enough and told them both to f*** off today. Over and done. 

[Watercolors]

6 minutes ago, Syd8 said:

I had enough and told them both to f*** off today. Over and done. 

Good on you. You deserve better treatment from friends then that baloney.

[MeadowFlower]

@Syd8 I get where you're coming from. It's like they aren't even interested in you that much. They are interested, just not enough. As you said, if something else comes up 'better' then they go with that. Or they'll go on trips with their other friends but not with you.

Yep, ditch them. 

Edited September 20, 2020 by MeadowFlower

[MeadowFlower]

3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

If you're like me, you have zero tolerance for "avoidance." I don't even call people out on flaking anymore. I just end all contact with them.

Love this. 

[LivingWaterPlease]

On 9/16/2020 at 11:12 AM, Syd8 said:

Next up, a former co worker wanted to meet up. I said how about this such date and they said no but they were free the following day and said let's plan something for that day. I got back to them a few days later and they said they had already made plans for that day. I told them you said that day was going to be for us. And they never replied back. I was livid and told them to F off. 

I get what you meant about the first person but with this one I think that when they said let's plan something, that was the time to plan. Since you didn't respond with a plan they probably thought you weren't serious about planning something. In that case (after you came back to plan and they already had booked the date) I'd have said, "OK, well when are you free then?" And planned something for that day.

If my friends I'm close with have to cancel for a reason, I'm OK with it. They all put plenty of effort into our relationship. But, most close friends don't cancel.

Edited September 20, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease

[Acacia98]

On 9/16/2020 at 6:12 PM, Syd8 said:

I was livid and told them to F off. So yeah, people suck. This is why I'm alone and have no friends. People are inconsiderate and have no idea what friendship is. They just aren't worth it. 

Flakiness definitely sucks. I tend to stop making an effort with friends who are habitually flakey.

But it doesn't follow that all people suck. It doesn't follow that you should isolate yourself from all people and have no friends.

If you generally have trouble making friends who value you and treat you well, it's worthwhile asking yourself why.

[Syd8]

6 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

I get what you meant about the first person but with this one I think that when they said let's plan something, that was the time to plan. Since you didn't respond with a plan they probably thought you weren't serious about planning something. In that case (after you came back to plan and they already had booked the date) I'd have said, "OK, well when are you free then?" And planned something for that day.

If my friends I'm close with have to cancel for a reason, I'm OK with it. They all put plenty of effort into our relationship. But, most close friends don't cancel.

No, this person said let's plan for a particular date. I messaged them the next day and they said they made plans for that date. Don't defend this person. They ain't worth it. 

[It'sSmiley]

Not everyone sucks, but it seems to me like most people suck. My friends completely abandoned me when I got married to a POS who changed me in every aspect to fit his criteria of what he wants in a women. When I did have friends, none of them pointed out how I've changed. I learned that everyone's out for themselves, unless perhaps you are dating them. I feel your pain, dude and my best advice is to have no friends and be friends with yourself.

[Syd8]

25 minutes ago, It'sSmiley said:

Not everyone sucks, but it seems to me like most people suck. My friends completely abandoned me when I got married to a POS who changed me in every aspect to fit his criteria of what he wants in a women. When I did have friends, none of them pointed out how I've changed. I learned that everyone's out for themselves, unless perhaps you are dating them. I feel your pain, dude and my best advice is to have no friends and be friends with yourself.

Hard to do that when I even hate myself. 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

8 minutes ago, Syd8 said:

Hard to do that when I even hate myself. 

Then work on that. You can't love anyone else until you first love yourself.

With that said, what your friends did was pretty s***ty. I live for canceled plans and would never get upset about a cancelation unless it meant I had to go somewhere by myself I felt really uncomfortable with, but I'm an oddball in that regard.  I understand why you're hurt about it :(.

[It'sSmiley]

I hate what I've become, not myself. You seem kind of lost like I am. Don't hate yourself, hate the people who made you this way. Think back on good times and hold onto those thoughts for a while. When I did I had a break through and after years of being abused by a man who is 28 years older than me who made me cut contact with everyone in my life, I can finally write again. Have a beer at the bar and make some new friends, you know?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just now, It'sSmiley said:

I hate what I've become, not myself. You seem kind of lost like I am. Don't hate yourself, hate the people who made you this way. Think back on good times and hold onto those thoughts for a while. When I did I had a break through and after years of being abused by a man who is 28 years older than me who made me cut contact with everyone in my life, I can finally write again. Have a beer at the bar and make some new friends, you know?

I'd advise not holding on to hate at all.  

[It'sSmiley]

I'm here, if you need to talk

[Syd8]

48 minutes ago, It'sSmiley said:

I'm here, if you need to talk

Is this for me? 

[It'sSmiley]

yes.

[Syd8]

1 hour ago, It'sSmiley said:

yes.

I tried to send you a message. But it says you can't recieve any.