Wiseman2 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Have you booked an appointment with a marriage therapist. Of course you know the problem is your marriage and this is just a distraction to chew on so you can deny how bad your marriage really is. Are you stuck home all day and feeling unattractive or like just a housewife? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 There are many ways a person can use to keep contact going with someone they like. I am sure you did when wanting to date someone, just like most people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 19, 2020 Author Share Posted September 19, 2020 I guess you're right, I didn't really think about that. I did do daft things, but I've been with him since 22 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 19, 2020 Author Share Posted September 19, 2020 I checked his phone and there's nothing sexual or anything. But there were a couple of jokey messages while they were both at work in the same building Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 4 minutes ago, Pica89 said: I checked his phone and there's nothing sexual or anything. But there were a couple of jokey messages while they were both at work in the same building Would he be stupid enough to message things knowing you snoop through his phone? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 4 hours ago, Pica89 said: Is that really a thing? She would ask him to deliver something for her to stay connected to him? Sure. It’s not like they’re going to be overly obvious about trying to stay in each other’s lives. And you’ve already asked the pertinent rhetorical question: why wouldn’t she ask someone else to do it? There’s a reason she asked him. In isolation, these things (favours, browsing her social media) don’t necessarily mean much. But taken all together, considering they’ve already been accused of an affair? They’re not all that innocent anymore. They might not have had a physical affair, but there seems to be mutual interest. I asked before but maybe you missed it - what exactly was this meeting at work about? Is he her supervisor or something? A sexual harassment accusation? There had to have been a (suspected) breach of conduct somewhere for his workplace to care enough to haul him in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 19, 2020 Author Share Posted September 19, 2020 He's a manager but not her manager It wasnt a telling off type meeting, it was a I'm letting you know there's rumours meeting Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 19, 2020 Author Share Posted September 19, 2020 20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: They’re not all that innocent anymore. They might not have had a physical affair, but there seems to be mutual interest. I think that's what I'm afraid of. That's the most likely scenario to me, I do know he loves me enough to not cheat physically but I'm worried he doesn't love me enough or we've changed a lot in 8 years and that they are interested in each other If I was accused of having an affair, I'd just stay away and be civil. There's no real need for them to talk Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 47 minutes ago, Pica89 said: I checked his phone and there's nothing sexual or anything. But there were a couple of jokey messages while they were both at work in the same building If you were having an affair would you leave all the messages with your lover on your phone for your husband to find? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 19, 2020 Author Share Posted September 19, 2020 No but he doesn't know I know the password either I really don't think it's physical but I don't like them texting on personal phone while they're supposed to be at work. It's nothing major on its own but it sounds flirty to me on her part. She thanked him for posting and said she'd give hisfirstname courier a 5 star review and he replied that's the dream (joking obviously) Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Pica89 said: It wasnt a telling off type meeting, it was a I'm letting you know there's rumours meeting Are office romances banned in his workplace? I ask because while I can appreciate that most workplaces don’t want employees getting frisky on the clock, many would not intervene with an actual meeting unless there has been specific breach of the code of conduct, or they’re trying to warn someone away from such a violation. Most don’t care what their employees do in their love lives when they’re off the clock and not on company property. So, I am curious why they felt a meeting was warranted to address the rumours. Edited September 19, 2020 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 1 hour ago, Pica89 said: No but he doesn't know I know the password either I really don't think it's physical but I don't like them texting on personal phone while they're supposed to be at work. It's nothing major on its own but it sounds flirty to me on her part. She thanked him for posting and said she'd give hisfirstname courier a 5 star review and he replied that's the dream (joking obviously) So you are snooping on his phone without him knowing, as you know his password which again he is not aware of.. Regardless if he is doing anything, the trust is clearly gone from your relationship. And without trust, a relationship is as good as finished. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 1 hour ago, Pica89 said: he doesn't know I know the password either You realize anyone can see log-ins right? So how do you know he doesn't know? Anyway, it's devolved into a cat-and-mouse game for you. Hardly a healthy marriage. Keep in mind what you are thinking, feeling and doing is equally destructive to your marriage as his chitchat with a coworker you are simply jealous of because she is working and not stuck home with a child all day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 On 9/18/2020 at 4:06 AM, Pica89 said: Do you think it's possible to hide feelings for someone? Going back to this, yes of course it is, but honestly doesn't any 15 y.o. know the answer to this? If he's doing such a great job of hiding them then you'd have to wonder if he has them at all. Still think your situation is ambiguous. Maybe that's what's making you so focused on it - your "detective" side kicking in? I don't blame you for looking, but if there's really ONLY smoke and no actual fire, maybe this was just a work friendship (and perhaps, sorry to go there again, he wanks to her). Hard to know, but that would explain all this reasonably well I think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 Pica I really hope that he isn’t doing anything. No one deserves that. Hope you find that it is nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 20, 2020 Author Share Posted September 20, 2020 He's had friends who are women and it's fine, because I've never felt anything beyond friendship I've just walked past the sofa (he's got earphones in so didn't hear me, I had been upstairs with our child) and he's got a glass of wine with a picture of her in a bikini on the screen so I don't think it's a work friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Pdoyle Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Not OK. I would confront him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 21, 2020 Author Share Posted September 21, 2020 I haven't said anything yet this time , I don't want our child here when I do Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 On 9/20/2020 at 1:16 PM, Pica89 said: he's got a glass of wine with a picture of her in a bikini on the screen so I don't think it's a work friendship Yeah, THAT'S weird IMO. Not quite sure what to make of it. He is fantasizing about having a conversation with her or something? Seems a bit bizarre, but yeah maybe he does have a crush or something if he's doing things like that. (Alternative theories are still possible, though.) For myself, I wouldn't blame you about questioning this and putting your down about this friendship (or whatever it is). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 22, 2020 Author Share Posted September 22, 2020 If it is fantasy, I don't think the swimsuit pic means he's thinking about a chat Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 Sorry to hear this pica..... Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 19 hours ago, Pica89 said: If it is fantasy, I don't think the swimsuit pic means he's thinking about a chat I'm afraid that I agree. Having a chat probably isn't what's on his mind when he's checking out her bikini pics. You two need to have a serious and open conversation, Pica. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 19 hours ago, Pica89 said: If it is fantasy, I don't think the swimsuit pic means he's thinking about a chat Why haven't you talked to him about your anxiety? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 26, 2020 Author Share Posted September 26, 2020 Thank you for all the replies Arghh she messaged him again asking him to be part of a focus group for her degree and he said yes. I asked why and he said its just an online thing and will take 10 minutes If you were accused of being too close, would you do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 17 minutes ago, Pica89 said: Arghh she messaged him again asking him to be part of a focus group for her degree and he said yes. I asked why and he said its just an online thing and will take 10 minutes He seems to be ignoring your questioning of this friendship/coworker. It seems you passively stand back and simply get upset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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