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Have you booked an appointment with a marriage therapist. Of course you know the problem is your marriage and this is just a distraction to chew on so you can deny how bad your marriage really is. Are you stuck home all day and feeling unattractive or like just a housewife?

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There are many ways a person can use to keep contact going with someone they like. I am sure you did when wanting to date someone, just like most people. 

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4 minutes ago, Pica89 said:

I checked his phone and there's nothing sexual or anything. But there were a couple of jokey messages while they were both at work in the same building 

Would he be stupid enough to message things knowing you snoop through his phone?

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4 hours ago, Pica89 said:

Is that really a thing? She would ask him to deliver something for her to stay connected to him? 

Sure. It’s not like they’re going to be overly obvious about trying to stay in each other’s lives. 

And you’ve already asked the pertinent rhetorical question: why wouldn’t she ask someone else to do it? There’s a reason she asked him. 

In isolation, these things (favours, browsing her social media) don’t necessarily mean much. But taken all together, considering they’ve already been accused of an affair? They’re not all that innocent anymore. They might not have had a physical affair, but there seems to be mutual interest. 

I asked before but maybe you missed it - what exactly was this meeting at work about? Is he her supervisor or something? A sexual harassment accusation? There had to have been a (suspected)  breach of conduct somewhere for his workplace to care enough to haul him in. 

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20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

They’re not all that innocent anymore. They might not have had a physical affair, but there seems to be mutual interest. 

I think that's what I'm afraid of. That's the most likely scenario to me, I do know he loves me enough to not cheat physically but I'm worried he doesn't love me enough or we've changed a lot in 8 years and that they are interested in each other 

 

If I was accused of having an affair, I'd just stay away and be civil. There's no real need for them to talk

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47 minutes ago, Pica89 said:

I checked his phone and there's nothing sexual or anything. But there were a couple of jokey messages while they were both at work in the same building 

If you were having an affair would you leave all the messages with your lover on your phone for your husband to find?

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No but he doesn't know I know the password either 

I really don't think it's physical but I don't like them texting on personal phone while they're supposed to be at work. It's nothing major on its own but it sounds flirty to me on her part. She thanked him for posting and said she'd give hisfirstname courier a 5 star review and he replied that's the dream (joking obviously) 

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1 hour ago, Pica89 said:

 It wasnt a telling off type meeting, it was a I'm letting you know there's rumours meeting

Are office romances banned in his workplace? I ask because while I can appreciate that most workplaces don’t want employees getting frisky on the clock, many would not intervene with an actual meeting unless there has been specific breach of the code of conduct, or they’re trying to warn someone away from such a violation. Most don’t care what their employees do in their love lives when they’re off the clock and not on company property. So, I am curious why they felt a meeting was warranted to address the rumours. 

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1 hour ago, Pica89 said:

No but he doesn't know I know the password either 

I really don't think it's physical but I don't like them texting on personal phone while they're supposed to be at work. It's nothing major on its own but it sounds flirty to me on her part. She thanked him for posting and said she'd give hisfirstname courier a 5 star review and he replied that's the dream (joking obviously) 

So you are snooping on his phone without him knowing, as you know his password which again he is not aware of..

Regardless if he is doing anything, the trust is clearly gone from your relationship. And without trust, a relationship is as good as finished.

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1 hour ago, Pica89 said:

 he doesn't know I know the password either 

You realize anyone can see log-ins right? So how do you know he doesn't know? Anyway, it's devolved into a cat-and-mouse game for you. Hardly a healthy marriage. Keep in mind what you are thinking, feeling and doing is equally destructive to your marriage as his chitchat with a coworker you are simply jealous of because she is working and not stuck home with a child all day.

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On 9/18/2020 at 4:06 AM, Pica89 said:

Do you think it's possible to hide feelings for someone? 

Going back to this, yes of course it is, but honestly doesn't any 15 y.o. know the answer to this?

If he's doing such a great job of hiding them then you'd have to wonder if he has them at all.

Still think your situation is ambiguous. Maybe that's what's making you so focused on it - your "detective" side kicking in?

I don't blame you for looking, but if there's really ONLY smoke and no actual fire, maybe this was just a work friendship (and perhaps, sorry to go there again, he wanks to her). Hard to know, but that would explain all this reasonably well I think.

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He's had friends who are women and it's fine, because I've never felt anything beyond friendship 

 

I've just walked past the sofa (he's got earphones in so didn't hear me, I had been upstairs with our child) and he's got a glass of wine with a picture of her in a bikini on the screen so I don't think it's a work friendship 

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On 9/20/2020 at 1:16 PM, Pica89 said:

he's got a glass of wine with a picture of her in a bikini on the screen so I don't think it's a work friendship 

Yeah, THAT'S weird IMO. Not quite sure what to make of it. He is fantasizing about having a conversation with her or something?

Seems a bit bizarre, but yeah maybe he does have a crush or something if he's doing things like that. (Alternative theories are still possible, though.)

For myself, I wouldn't blame you about questioning this and putting your down about this friendship (or whatever it is).

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19 hours ago, Pica89 said:

If it is fantasy, I don't think the swimsuit pic means he's thinking about a chat :(

I'm afraid that I agree. Having a chat probably isn't what's on his mind when he's checking out her bikini pics. 

You two need to have a serious and open conversation, Pica.  

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19 hours ago, Pica89 said:

If it is fantasy, I don't think the swimsuit pic means he's thinking about a chat :(

Why haven't you talked to him about your anxiety?

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Thank you for all the replies 

 

Arghh she messaged him again asking him to be part of a focus group for her degree and he said yes. I asked why and he said its just an online thing and will take 10 minutes 

 

If you were accused of being too close, would you do that? 

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17 minutes ago, Pica89 said:

Arghh she messaged him again asking him to be part of a focus group for her degree and he said yes. I asked why and he said its just an online thing and will take 10 minutes 

He seems to be ignoring your questioning of this friendship/coworker. It seems you passively stand back and simply get upset. 

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