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On 9/29/2020 at 12:33 PM, Pica89 said:

I told a friend  about him looking at the bikini pictures. She said she thought he'd be 'using' the pictures as they are naked type ones...

And there you have it. You suddenly witnessed what your friend told you you would. She even knew which picture, specifically, you would catch him doing it to.

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1 minute ago, Pica89 said:

I don't really understand what your point is..

The point is. Do you think he's having an affair with her/has a crush on her?

If so, why aren't you confronting him, rather than snooping through his phone, talking to your friends and getting all worked up?

Have you talked to him? Have you suggested marital counseling? Have you spoken to an attorney?

The point is you seem quite unhappy but just  stand by and complain about this one particular bikini photo over and over.

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The problem here is that like so many women with a child she is stuck, she doesn't want a divorce or a fatherless child, she just wants her husband to  behave.
She wants him to act like HER husband and cut this women out of his life/their lives.
Instead he refuses to do so and every where she turns he is up to no good, again and again...
She is thus frustrated, annoyed and upset.
Women like happy ever afters, they tend to get sad and miserable when their "Prince Charming" is suspected of having an affair at work, bends over backwards to do favours for this other woman, and is at home wanking off to her too.
Sad, angry, depressed women make dreadful mothers. I guess "lovesick" fathers are not the best either.
She needs to divorce him asap and make a newer happier life, this guy will never make her happy.

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Perhaps open, honest conversations and maybe counseling before divorce. At the moment it would appear that she would be leaving her man over masturbation. All other elements are accusations with no evidence. 

I'm sorry this is happening Pica89. 😔

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Thank you 

 

It's more than just walking in on that. I've heard about this woman since last year and a few months ago when I made him mute her videos and I made my feelings perfectly clear so for me to walk in on that is just confirmation to me that he does actually feel that way about her 

 

If he didn't have some sort of feelings for her, he could've googled any kind of porn, not be staring at her pictures 

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Have you considered Pica that he may be doing this on purpose?

He knows you don't like it. He knows it drives you nuts. It seems pretty easy to avoid being caught and yet you catch him.

Is there any reason you can think of as to why he would recklessly endanger his marital status?

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No, I definitely don't think it was on purpose. I got home 2 hours early so he had no idea I'd catch him

 

I don't know if subconsciously maybe. He says he loves me and I believe him but I don't know if he has feelings for her too and if that's the case then he can't feel like he should about me

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No man unless he is imminently about to leave, or indeed hates you, is going to tell you he loves another woman...

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I'm now just using this to vent as I haven't brought myself to tell my friend in real life 

 

I had a look at his phone earlier and there were some messages back and forth 

 

Nothing sexual, just joking back and forth, bantery. Is that something that could actually be flirting or? 

 

I do have a low spectrum form of aspergers so that's why I may have more difficultly judging 

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On 9/19/2020 at 3:33 PM, Pica89 said:

I checked his phone and there's nothing sexual or anything. But there were a couple of jokey messages while they were both at work in the same building 

Every time your check his phone you're finding the same thing. How often are you checking it? 

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15 hours ago, Pica89 said:

Nothing sexual, just joking back and forth, bantery. Is that something that could actually be flirting or? 

Yes. 

These two have already apparently sparked suspicion of an affair. He masturbates to her photos. There needs to be no personal communication. 

At some point, you're going to have to talk to him about this. You can't hide from it indefinitely, just because you fear the truth might hurt you. 

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It seems like every few weeks you go through his phone and find the same innocuous chitchat. Every few weeks you happen to be standing over him while every single time, he happens to be looking at  this exact same one pic of her in a bikini. 

What are you hoping to do about this? 

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I never said there was one picture of that

Thanks Expat 

I find it hard to judge if it constitutes flirting or not as there's nothing suggestive or sexual, just bantery

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1 hour ago, Pica89 said:

Thanks Expat 

I find it hard to judge if it constitutes flirting or not as there's nothing suggestive or sexual, just bantery

It's not necessarily the messages themselves. 

It's the context and history between them that makes ongoing personal communication between them inappropriate. You can keep tolerating it, or you can face your fears and talk to him about the state of your marriage. 

All of this is symptomatic of bigger problems between you. 

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