Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Pica89 said: I don't see why else he'd keep looking at her pictures or doing her favours What kind of favors? Do you mean work related collaboration or something that indicates a personal relationship? You need to decide whether this is a threat to your relationship or your green eyed monster is causing you to view her profile more than he is. Edited September 17, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 She is looking for reassurance that her husband is not straying with his pretty coworker. She is trickle truthing, too scared to tell the full story in case we all go "OMG, of course he is cheating on you" Now we have more info, albeit still incomplete, it seems more likely he is indeed up to no good... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 I didn't post any other details as initially I wasn't going to make it about me, I just wanted an unbias perspective on the photo thing Favours like finding a part for her car online and posting something Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Pica89 said: Quote Favours like finding a part for her car online and posting something This is what friends and colleagues do. Stop playing mirror mirror and stalking her because you think she's more attractive than you. You need to decide if you have marital problems, self esteem problems or just too much time on your hands. Posting a link to car parts for a coworker doesn't seem like an affair. Edited September 17, 2020 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 15 minutes ago, Pica89 said: I just wanted an unbias perspective on the photo thin But context is everything... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 If I had been accused of having an affair with someone, I wouldn't voluntarily help them with personal stuff. I'd be civil at work 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Posting a link to car parts for a coworker doesn't seem like an affair. Not in itself, but that is not the full story here is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 No not posting a link. Finding a car part online she needed. Period. Posting an item for her. Period Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Is he usually this helpful to coworkers? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Who accused them of having an affair? You keep sidestepping that. Do you mean You accused him? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 4 minutes ago, Pica89 said: No not posting a link. Finding a car part online she needed. Period. Posting an item for her. Period Why are you stalking her and hacking into his accounts? Seems all you came up with is car talk? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 34 minutes ago, Pica89 said: , I just wanted an unbias perspective on the photo thing You mean you wanted a very specific confirmation bias to fortify your stance that she's more attractive than you so he can not communicate with coworkers you are jealous of even if there is zero threat to your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 Dude, is don't know what your problem is but you seem really aggressive. I've not said a lot of what you're projecting so I'm just not replying to it If you read what I've actually written, I've answered who accused them Thanks for the normal responses, it's helping Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 @Pica89 Each detail does make it more understandable why you suspect there is something more between them than just platonic friendship but it is circumstantial. Friends do all the things that you are describing. However when their spouse is bothered by the friendship they dial it back. Covid adds another layer here. At work they would have 7-8 hours of seeing each other, working side by side & you would have no idea. It could still be just that only now you are seeing it as he works from home. You really have to talk to him. I recommended MC because you say you have but nothing changed. I suspect neither of you were as clear with the other as you both think you were so a professional can help you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Unbiased opinion, truthfully yes it would bother me. I would wonder why my man needs to be checking out another woman daily. I don't think men creeping other women is appropriate in a relationship. I know not everyone cares about this stuff but I like a man whose only eyes are for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 Thanks Jrabbit. I wondered without the other stuff if other people would consider it not OK or a problem in a committed relationship Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Creeping on another woman is always a problem. Regularly talking to an opposite sex friend is tolerable as long as the romantic relationship is primary & there isn't too much flirting. It's about trust. I talk to the men in my office every day just because they are there. With Covid if we didn't talk for more then 4-5 days somebody would reach out just to make sure the other was OK. It was an act of caring friendship, not a crack in the foundations of anybody's marriage. I can think of 2 times I called one of the guys & because she saw it was me on the caller ID his wife answered & she & I chatted. On one of those calls I didn't even talk to him. DH & I went away last week to the beach. I brought back small boxes of fudge for everybody. Whenever somebody travels we always bring back a little something for everybody. It was a kindness not a flirtation. It really depends but at a minimum you & your husband need to discuss what is really going on. The more defensive or secretive your guy is, the more likely that it's a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 The thing is You think it's inappropriate, you told him so and it has not resolved anything. Now you are just stalking his activity and her profile getting upset. That is also not resolving anything. It seems you want resolution but a survey about "is it appropriate?" won't help you either. If you and your husband can not communicate or resolve things, then marriage therapy may help open the dialogue about trust, snooping, boundaries, communication, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: If you and your husband can not communicate or resolve things, then marriage therapy may help open the dialogue about trust, snooping, boundaries, communication, etc. OK but that assumes she is in the wrong for snooping and not trusting him, she needs to sort out her "insecurity", as opposed to he is in the wrong for acting shady and even for having an affair, which he very well may be. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 The only reason your husband checks her SM daily is because he is obsessed with her. There is no other reason for him to do this especially when he knows you have a problem with it. I also believe he is cheating on you. You need to check his messages with her some how. Keep your eyes open and mouth shut. You have tipped him off that you have a problem with his coworker, this caused him to move it into hiding. Who was accused of an affair already, you? If it was you, he might not care what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 3 minutes ago, usa1ah said: Who was accused of an affair already, you? NO, he was accused of having an affair with this girl at work,due to "rumours" flying about there... Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, elaine567 said: NO, he was accused of having an affair with this girl at work,due to "rumours" flying about there... I thought she mentioned something about an earlier accusation. There is more to this story. Edited September 17, 2020 by usa1ah Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 Elaine is correct 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 21 hours ago, Pica89 said: I absolutely believe that it's not true I know that's not happened If you know this to be true, then stop entertaining the speculation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 I know it's not physical, that doesn't mean there's not a problem if he cares about someone else Link to post Share on other sites
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