Watercolors Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 16 hours ago, Pica89 said: I don't seethe. Read what I write, I've spoken to him multiple times. No, I'm not afraid of those things. I love my husband But you are seething. Or you wrote that you're afraid of how you would react, which implies that you would explode like a bomb on him in anger over his behavior. If you are so afraid of divorce, doing nothing to address that fear will eventually cause divorce. You've already started the alienation process with the way you try to control his social media as though he's your 5 year old. Sorry, but you can't tell your husband what he can and can't look at. He's a grown man. If you don't like the fact that he has a sexy work colleague, that's your problem that you need to find a way to get over. He's already told you he doesn't want to have an affair with her, and you refuse to believe him. You have been worried for 2 years still, so that means in 2 years, you have done nothing practical to address your fears - like go to a counselor or ask your husband to go to a marriage counselor with you. Doing nothing about this, will only have a bad outcome. You either stop obsessing about his work colleague and get on with your life, and stop policing his social media, or if you can't handle it, you go to counseling with or without your husband. After ten years together, you need to address your marriage problems that obviously exist between you and your husband. Otherwise, this work colleague of his wouldn't be a point of contention for you. Sorry, but you cannot control the attractive level of other people, esp. women who work with your husband. So, you will have to relinquish the idea that you can police your husband at work when you're not there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 28, 2020 Author Share Posted September 28, 2020 I know I can't police him at work. When I said I was afraid to speak to him I didn't mean I'd 'implode like a bomb' I mean I'm scared whatever he said would be what makes me decide I have to end my marriage. Please don't say it like it's nothing because it's a terrifying prospect, I love him and have since I was 22 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 6 minutes ago, Pica89 said: Please don't say it like it's nothing because it's a terrifying prospect, I love him and have since I was 22 Then why aren't you with him instead of your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 28, 2020 Author Share Posted September 28, 2020 What are you talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 2 hours ago, Pica89 said: When I said I was afraid to speak to him I mean I'm scared whatever he said would be what makes me decide I have to end my marriage. Why would you have to "end your marriage" because he is friends with a co-worker? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 3 hours ago, stillafool said: Then why aren't you with him instead of your husband? With who? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 2 hours ago, Pica89 said: What are you talking about? Sorry Pica I had you confused with another thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 29, 2020 Author Share Posted September 29, 2020 Argh I told a friend in real life about him looking at the bikini pictures. She said she thought he'd be 'using' the pictures as they are naked type ones... Do you guys think that's true?? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Pica89 said: She said she thought he'd be 'using' the pictures as they are naked type ones. How is your sex life? How happily married are you? Is this friend another stay at home mom or someone such as a psychologist or attorney? Why would it matter to you? You are not willing to do anything to improve your marriage or communicate with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 29, 2020 Author Share Posted September 29, 2020 Another stay at home mom? Who's the first one? Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 OP's wife is a stay-at-home mom, I'm guessing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted September 29, 2020 Author Share Posted September 29, 2020 As the op and wife of said husband, no I'm not and I've said repeatedly I work and own our house. But not to distract, my actual point : Argh I told a friend in real life about him looking at the bikini pictures. She said she thought he'd be 'using' the pictures as they are naked type ones... Do you guys think that's true?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 You own the house? So your husband is a guest there? I hope that at the very least the guy pays rent, or is he a freeloader? He's probably masturbating to those bikini pictures. It's what I do even when I'm in a relationship because you know, I don't become a priest just because I'm in a relationship with someone, and many men do. I remember watching adult models(women who get naked on their webcams for a fee) and reading the live-chat, and guys were saying things like, ''be right back, my wife just got home.'' And other guys who were like, '' My son and my wife come back home today from the in-laws, I can't stay all day long watching you x pornstar/webcam model, here's 500 tokens for the whole day '' Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 43 minutes ago, Pica89 said: I told a friend in real life about him looking at the bikini pictures. She said she thought he'd be 'using' the pictures as they are naked type ones... Your friend seems to like stirring the pot. He can easily watch porn for that. Not co-workers. Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 Sometimes watching porn can get boring, and looking at the pictures of his co-workers or hers co-workers can sparkle that desire to masturbate again. I mean, I pretty much masturbated to the social media pictures of every female classmate of mine back in college. About 100 classmates. A lot more fun than masturbating to porn I'll tell you that, and yes, my girlfriends at the time knew what I was up to. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Azincourt said: I mean, I pretty much masturbated to the social media pictures of every female classmate of mine back in college. About 100 classmates. A lot more fun than masturbating to porn I'll tell you that, and yes, my girlfriends at the time knew what I was up to. God, what would that have been like (for me, I mean) back in the day??? What a giant additional dynamic to imagine... (these days, if you wait long enough, or look far enough, you'll just find people you know doing porn ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 10 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: God, what would that have been like (for me, I mean) back in the day??? What a giant additional dynamic to imagine... (these days, if you wait long enough, or look far enough, you'll just find people you know doing porn ) College these days, even 10 years+ ago was pretty sweet. Most of the women are hot, then you take into consideration the fact that this is a tropical Country, and as soon as the summer comes by every woman is wearing tiny shorts shorts and mini skirts, and then you go to the beach and you figure this is a family beach because there are grandmas and little kids, but wouldn't you know? hot women going around topless and g-stringed up. It's amazing. And our girlfriends and wives expect us to not masturbate to all of this gorgeous spectacle of perfection and beauty? LMAO this ain't Saudi Arabia. Oh, I don't know people who did porn. I dated people who did porn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted October 7, 2020 Author Share Posted October 7, 2020 I had hoped not to ha e a reason to post again but I got home early from work today and caught him masterbating to her pictures I just walked out and drove off. I'm gutted Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 12 minutes ago, Pica89 said: I had hoped not to ha e a reason to post again but I got home early from work today and caught him masterbating to her pictures I just walked out and drove off. I'm gutted Are we surprised? So what are you going to do? My guess you are never going to be happy with or trust this guy ever again. He seems obsessed with this other girl... He is young, he may leave of his own accord... Get your ducks in a row. Consult a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pica89 Posted October 7, 2020 Author Share Posted October 7, 2020 Right now, I've just left. I've told him to pick up our child and I'll be back later as I need some space Is that normal? Is it like looking at porn and doesn't actually mean anything? It feels like it means something actually doing that over her bikini photos Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 4 hours ago, Pica89 said: I had hoped not to ha e a reason to post again but I got home early from work today and caught him masterbating to her pictures You need to get your ducks in a row and consult an attorney to discuss your option so you have some knowledge/leverage when you confront him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EPC82 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) Truthfully, I think that its kinda harmless. I mean, if you walked in on him masturbating without her picture would you be upset? Meanwhile he could very easily be visualizing her. Haven't we all imagined someone other than our significant others while masturbating? Alexander Skarsgard and I have had sex soooooo many times and he doesn't know it. It feels a bit like thought crime. He's done nothing wrong if he hasn't cheated on you. I can definitely see why it hurts!! For sure! I just don't think its time to call the relationship off is all. Edited October 8, 2020 by EPC82 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 5 hours ago, EPC82 said: Truthfully, I think that its kinda harmless. I mean, if you walked in on him masturbating without her picture would you be upset? Meanwhile he could very easily be visualizing her. Haven't we all imagined someone other than our significant others while masturbating? Alexander Skarsgard and I have had sex soooooo many times and he doesn't know it. I think the problems is that there have been suspicions in the past that he's had an affair with this specific woman, so it cuts OP more deeply than it otherwise would. OP, you need to sit down and finally have this talk with your husband. Your hurt and anxiety over all of this has been mounting and you're at boiling point. Don't make it all about the pictures, but rather your concern about the overall state of your marriage. That's the real issue here. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) You are the main breadwinner and you own the house. You deserve better than some shady guy who is obsessing over his coworker and has done for 2 years, to the extent there are rumours at work, so serious that a higher level meeting was called about it. He is spending his free time ogling her pics and masturbating and he does her "favours", when he gets the chance. He is making a fool out of you... There is evidence that men who earn less than their wives are more likely to cheat... Edited October 8, 2020 by elaine567 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 7 hours ago, EPC82 said: Alexander Skarsgard and I have had sex soooooo many times and he doesn't know it. Fantasies are fine. Masturbating is fine. This is not about that. This is not about any sort of cheating the OPs snooping and policing has uncovered. The OP is suspicious unhappy and jealous. And afraid to confront him or divorce him. Her friends told her he was masturbating to this one bikini pic she's so focused on, so now she suddenly sees this. Link to post Share on other sites
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