Is 20 and 27 dating weird?

[alessiaryan99]

I am a female and will be 21 in two months. He is 27. We have a lot in common. He’s from Austria where i vacation every year and i live in the US where he has family. Is it weird with the age gap? 

[basil67]

It is a pretty big gap at your age, but not impossible.   How long would it be until the physical distance between you closes?  Who is planning to move?   

And have the two of you met?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think the age gap is weird. The distance could make it quite difficult.

[BaileyB]

Same age gap for my brother and his wife. It’s never been a problem.

I would be more concerned about the distance. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, alessiaryan99 said:

I am a female and will be 21 in two months. He is 27. We have a lot in common. He’s from Austria where i vacation every year and i live in the US where he has family. Is it weird with the age gap? 

No the age is not weird, what's weird is trying to turn a long distance situation into something. Do you even know him? Have you ever met?

[elaine567]

It is not about the age gap per se.
It is more about different life stages and what each expects to get out of the relationship.
At 27 he is likely starting to think wife and children...  are you ready for that?
The distance however  is a huge problem.
Young men like regular sex, and that can cause issues in a LDR. 

[d0nnivain]

What's the plan to close the distance?  Between covid & general immigration issues this sounds unrealistic.  The age isn't the unsurmountable problem.  

[scooby-philly]

Chiming in here as I've tried this before. Not international, but still long-distance and also with an age gap (worse than yours).

The biggest factor in any relationship beyond chemistry, attraction, etc. is compatibility. And...part of compatibility is temperament, life experience & world view, wants, and needs. If you were 27 and he was 34 I would say most people (not the nay-sayers who believe in no sex before marriage, date someone from your own socioeconomic class, race, etc.) would say - age wouldn't be a factor. But it may be for you two. You're 20. Not every 20 year old needs to sleep around and date around figure themselves, their lives, etc. out like people think. Doesn't hurt, but any relationship is about commitment and work. But the odds are that he's JUST enough older that he's bringing experience, wants, needs, and things that you can't match or may not be willing to offer. Like do you want kids in the next 5-7 years. If you're totally opposed to it and he totally wants to start a family by a certain age (though it's easier for me to be the older party in an age gap relationship from that perspective)....why waste time? And it's also life experience. And now, age doesn't = maturity. And it doesn't automatically = other things, like the ability to communicate, the ability to be open & vulnerable, the ability to have self-esteem, self-worth, etc.  So it will also depend on the both of you having a common level of those things. A lot of experience people will tell you - at 20, at 22, at 24, or even 28....you may not know exactly what you're looking for in a guy. Or if you're still living at home with somewhat strict parents, you may need to break free and establish yourself and your identity. I'm not saying that to insult you, and I'm not saying that you're incapable of a relationship. Just things to consider and really reflect on as deeply as possible (and the same goes for him).

The equal issue in this situation is the long-distance. and this is SUPER long distance. If...if....if...you pursue this and things go well....at 12 months there needs to be a plan moving forward. Even if it's wait till you're done school (if you're in college or a trade school) or wait 1 more year and then we'll discuss who's moving, but keep in mind by 2 years into ANY relationship - either you're in this for the long haul or you need to exit. Especially him. The tough part, as someone told me in helping me process my last failed relationship which was the LDR/Age-gap one - LDR's are tough because you're not sharing every day moments. You're not building, potentially, as deep and as strong of a bond. You're not building a LIFE together. Even if you see each other for a whole week 3-4 times a year with him coming over and you going there (which...with COVID....may be an issue for a while)...there's a huge potential for fantasy and dreams to subvert your (or his) feelings and viewpoint/opinion of the NOW. 

Just my two cents, but always happy to chat more in depth via DM.

 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 9/16/2020 at 8:30 PM, alessiaryan99 said:

I am a female and will be 21 in two months. He is 27. We have a lot in common. He’s from Austria where i vacation every year and i live in the US where he has family. Is it weird with the age gap? 

Not for reasons OF the age gap.

 

IT is right on the button of a survey done in the 1990's where men of all ages were asked to cite the ideal age of a woman for them.

 

As a way to normalize the data across the broad age spectrum, the eventual answer (average) was given not as a pointless random number like  37.29346591276 years...

 

But instead it was presented as     "Half his own age plus 7 years".   (to allow for differences between what 90-year-olds responded, and what 22-year-olds responded)

 

 

and SINCE then,  the clueless around the internet have taken that unique survey answer and presented it as something far different from its origin.

 

 

Besides...   to 'let you'  be old enough to have sex and date adults, and then somehow police WHO you choose to date among those adults, 

 

is about as stupid as letting you vote at a certain age... provided we can monitor and somehow alter for whom you vote, so it matches our standards.

 

LOL