Louisa_98 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Hey so I recently got dumped. It's been pretty rubbish. I'm not perfect, I will admit that. But I was the one stable thing in his life. Since dumping me he has had the girl he used to distract himself from me get back with her ex, and move 6 hours away for uni. And all he has done is go to work go home sit in bed and re-watch old TV shows. Next week the two people he lives with (His sister and her boyfriend) go on holiday, so he will literally be on his own. Does anyone know the process for a dumper who is lonely and knows they made a mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 How do you know he thinks he made a mistake in dumping you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisa_98 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 3 minutes ago, elaine567 said: How do you know he thinks he made a mistake in dumping you? Last time we spoke he told me he was fed up of sitting at home on his own upset missing me and regretting what he had done Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 So what was the reason he gave for breaking up with you in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisa_98 Posted September 17, 2020 Author Share Posted September 17, 2020 10 minutes ago, elaine567 said: So what was the reason he gave for breaking up with you in the first place? He said he didn't feel happy anymore and the only thing he thought could be causing it was us. Then when he told me he missed me and regretted it I asked why we didn't try again and he said that he couldn't see a future with me Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Well at least he's being direct and honest with you. I'd say don't pine over him another minute. Start the moving on process. Otherwise you're likely to be the Plan B FWB just up until he finds someone he thinks he DOES have a future with. At that point he'll drop you and go for her. And you'll be going through this all over again. Why would you stick around waiting for that? He's not THAT great. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 17, 2020 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Sorry to hear that. He's too messed up to date. Don't play mom or doctor in a relationship. Let him go. Don't wish and hope he changes his mind and comes back. You've tried that and he resorted to telling you he couldn't see a future. Focus on your own well being. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 They usually find someone else to date to ease the loneliness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 They resort to desperation. He's trying to make you feel sympathy for him, so he can rekindle what connection you had on a temporary basis and then throw you to the curb again when he finds someone else who he wants. Past is the past, don't accept poor excuses from anyone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 (edited) "I don't see a future with you" is a pretty serious and basic reason to split up. That is not something you can just fix. Leave him alone. If you go back he will use you for a while to salve his loneliness, and then the "not seeing a future with you" will raise its ugly head again. Edited September 18, 2020 by elaine567 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 16 hours ago, Louisa_98 said: He said he didn't feel happy anymore and the only thing he thought could be causing it was us. Then when he told me he missed me and regretted it I asked why we didn't try again and he said that he couldn't see a future with me Gently, if he's told you this, then he knows he didn't make a mistake ending it. If he really regretted it so much, he'd be trying to put it back together. Sometimes dumpers say things that they think the dumpee wants to hear (I miss you, I regret this, yadda, yadda, yadda) without actually meaning it. His inaction on attempting to reconcile tells the real story. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 (edited) @Louisa_98 Sorry for your pain OP. My take is similar to others on this thread. He had you in a relationship, and despite receiving the best you had to give him, he eventually came to the conclusion that he couldn't see a future with you. That is a direct indicator he doesn't really want a relationship with you, even though he's pining right now. See, you represent comfort and familiarity and provided regular companionship and intimacy and support. In breaking up with you, he lost that, is now alone and his future is uncertain, uncomfortable an unfamiliar. No one to confide in. No one to have sex with. No one to talk to or hang out with. This is just him, not wanting to deal with what a breakup is, by keeping the person he broke up with around or running back to her for a relationship, when he doesn't really see a future. It's not fair to you. If you stay in contact with him, you'll be relegated to FWB, until he finds someone he sees a future with OR if you take him back, he'll very likely dump you again in the future, for someone he does see a future with..and you'll be going through this all over again. Two things I want to point out is this: 1. The decision to breakup doesn't occur over night. He spent time thinking about dumping you, while in the relationship, without your knowing. He weighed out the pros and the cons of staying and also leaving, and the decision led him to breaking up. Trust that his decision to breakup with you carried a lot of thought and meaning behind it, even if he's doubting himself right now. 2. Its not your fault you were dumped. There are many reasons that factor into a reason for a person breaks up with someone else that go behind your ability to be a great partner. Most of these factors have have more to do with them, than the person they dumped, such as their past relationships, trauma, childhood for example. All of which impact the choices they make including their choice in friends, career etc. and this creates the world they live in, which continues to influence and impact all subsequent decisions. You have very little control over that but that's what you compete with. As a partner, the best you can do is be the best you, you can be, and then hope that's enough. I'd cut ties with him, and let him go. Don't let him mess with you. - Beach Edited September 18, 2020 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
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