Over 50 LDR and how you handle the situation over all these months?

[Sam2020]

Being an older women in a first time LDR, I'm curious as to how other over 50's handle it. Been doing LD since March when Covid hit.  He lives in the 48 contiguous states and I do not so no chance of driving.  What I'd like to know is what are your expectations of one another in order to feel cared for and want to continue the relationship?  

Phone calls, FaceTime, sending each other cards or little gifts, etc.

Do you feel that your relationship has advanced at all?

 

[d0nnivain]

I can't speak to your current situation but I did an LDR in the 80s before cell phones & the internet.  All we had was regular USPS mail & 1 phone call once per week after 11 pm when the rates went down.   I was on the east coast; he was in So Cal. 

The letters flowed every day even though stuff crossed in the mail.  Having that tangible piece of paper was something to hold onto.  Do use the technology available to you especially video chat but send each other actual letters too.  

We also had a thing where if one of us did something out of the ordinary we sent the other a cheap souvenir.  In Covid that is harder but I'd get him an I love NY thing every time I went into the City & he'd send me something from Disney or Knott's Berry Farm every time he took a visitor there.  Those trinkets were tangible reminders that the other thought about us.  

We did have a plan to close the distance & I was traveling to him every 3 months for 2+ weeks at a time to interview for jobs.  Knowing the distance had a potential end helped.  Have you two discussed the possibility of closing the gap once travel is possible again?  

[Sam2020]

Hmmm...only one answer is a bit disappointing but I suppose more peeps under 50 are doing LDR.

Yes, we had planned to travel a lot. Like spending the summer at his hometown, then winters here where the weather is tropical.  

I feel like he's not making much of an effort so that's why I was hoping for some input.

Thank you though.  Perhaps I'll just end it since it's going no where.

[Chilli]

All depends what it actually is . You don't go through LD struggles for just anyone. l'm 50s my partner's 51 now we've been part time LD 2yrs she's had legal stuff in her state that's dragged on so she comes and goes down to mine when we can swing it , might be for 3 wks or for 3 mths. lt's a 1hr30 flight but the whole day with driving is 7hrs . We've known from day one we want this and hopefully life together so it's just what we've had to do until her stuffs done.She's come down twice now through the middle of lock downs in both our states and all which was no party but we got there . She can stay now her stuffs done for now, , forever if it works out that way. Apart we'd usually message on and off through most days n nights might be a lot of just some , we'd call a few times a wk too, depended on what's happening. Right person it's worth it they don't just fall out of the sky like flies so you do what you gotta do as long as there's light at the end of it.

A friend of mine waited over 2 yrs to see and be together with her man never saw each other once but they're finally together she moved to his country a yr or 2 back now happy as. they had a lot of stuff first he was in the middle of divorce and she had some big stuff goin on too but they road it out and now finally together . She's told me a few times if they couldn't get back together she'd love him from afar forever and be alone. She was 48ish when then met , 50s now. Depends what your made of , what your thing with each other is made of , where it's going.

Edited September 19, 2020 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Both hers and ours def advanced . For us in strange ways almost as much as it would actually being together. We were amazed at how we'd just keep on growing even if she was up home. We were apart 5 mths with the virus but usually 2 or 3mths a time.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/17/2020 at 7:32 PM, Sam2020 said:

He lives in the 48 contiguous states and I do not so no chance of driving.  What I'd like to know is what are your expectations of one another in order to feel cared for and want to continue the relationship?  

Phone calls, FaceTime, sending each other cards or little gifts, etc.

Do you feel that your relationship has advanced at all?

 

Very hard to carry on a LDR  you met briefly and can only visit on vacations. He's more of an acquaintance so treating this like a committed relationship will disappoint you. 

[Noproblem]

On 9/18/2020 at 9:05 AM, d0nnivain said:

I can't speak to your current situation but I did an LDR in the 80s before cell phones & the internet.  All we had was regular USPS mail & 1 phone call once per week after 11 pm when the rates went down.   I was on the east coast; he was in So Cal. 

The letters flowed every day even though stuff crossed in the mail.  Having that tangible piece of paper was something to hold onto.  Do use the technology available to you especially video chat but send each other actual letters too.  

We also had a thing where if one of us did something out of the ordinary we sent the other a cheap souvenir.  In Covid that is harder but I'd get him an I love NY thing every time I went into the City & he'd send me something from Disney or Knott's Berry Farm every time he took a visitor there.  Those trinkets were tangible reminders that the other thought about us.  

We did have a plan to close the distance & I was traveling to him every 3 months for 2+ weeks at a time to interview for jobs.  Knowing the distance had a potential end helped.  Have you two discussed the possibility of closing the gap once travel is possible again?  

oh that's such a sweet story, then what happened

[Chilli]

Yeah , didn't go into that it's personal but def' we'd sent and done lots of things over the yrs, many things, video often made it harder though too so we hardly did them later on.

Edited September 20, 2020 by Chilli

[d0nnivain]

14 hours ago, Noproblem said:

oh that's such a sweet story, then what happened

We broke up because he was a raging alcoholic & I finally walked after his 4th DWI.  

[Sam2020]

Y

On 9/18/2020 at 3:05 AM, d0nnivain said:

I can't speak to your current situation but I did an LDR in the 80s before cell phones & the internet.  All we had was regular USPS mail & 1 phone call once per week after 11 pm when the rates went down.   I was on the east coast; he was in So Cal. 

The letters flowed every day even though stuff crossed in the mail.  Having that tangible piece of paper was something to hold onto.  Do use the technology available to you especially video chat but send each other actual letters too.  

We also had a thing where if one of us did something out of the ordinary we sent the other a cheap souvenir.  In Covid that is harder but I'd get him an I love NY thing every time I went into the City & he'd send me something from Disney or Knott's Berry Farm every time he took a visitor there.  Those trinkets were tangible reminders that the other thought about us.  

We did have a plan to close the distance & I was traveling to him every 3 months for 2+ weeks at a time to interview for jobs.  Knowing the distance had a potential end helped.  Have you two discussed the possibility of closing the gap once travel is possible again?  

 

I mean to respond to this but I got sidetracked.

That's what I mean, although we were speaking daily & FT weekly it felt stagnant and never really advanced.   I suggested that even sending me a postcard or text would let me know he's thinking of me...he never did.  No flowers ever.  No real effort.  My own ex-husband sent me something for Mothers day, my LDR didn't even say "Happy Mothers Day" to me.  WTH?  He went to visit family for six weeks and only called me twice, I feel that he could have taken a few minutes to text or call me upon waking or going to bed.  So I'll be saying goodbye in the next day or two.  Sad because all the things he said and did when we were together was on track to a real relationship.  No more LDR for me.  Life is too short.

 

Thanks for the input.  

 

On 9/18/2020 at 3:05 AM, d0nnivain said:

 

 

[Chilli]

Well l wish you'd told us all that first post to save us the trouble especially seems as first you complain no one's replied but then when they do go to the trouble to,  you don't even acknowledge them and tell us it's kaput anyway. So l'd be wondering if the lack of wasn't going both ways myself and maybe why he never bothered.

Edited September 21, 2020 by Chilli

[Noproblem]

12 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

We broke up because he was a raging alcoholic & I finally walked after his 4th DWI.  

oh wow, good call!

I hope he is sober now!

[Sam2020]

21 hours ago, Chilli said:

Well l wish you'd told us all that first post to save us the trouble especially seems as first you complain no one's replied but then when they do go to the trouble to,  you don't even acknowledge them and tell us it's kaput anyway. So l'd be wondering if the lack of wasn't going both ways myself and maybe why he never bothered.

Wow sorry.  It wasn't a "complaint", I was simply disappointed.  I just wanted to keep things short and simple to see what other people have done/experienced.  I would have respond to any question since It's my first LDR with someone who has stated he's "all in" and "investing" in me.   I've always been very proactive and demonstrative in all my intimate relationships.  This is why I ask.  Very strange to have someone say all that and show very little effort.

 

 

Edited September 21, 2020 by Sam2020