I am bitter as hell over my dating life

[CaliforniaGirl]

15 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Don't be so sure... Married couples post a lot of happy pictures to put on a fake facade.  In reality they are miserable and hate their spouse.

As an example, my girlfriend's sister posts all these "happy" pictures on social media of (sister and husband doing stuff together),  Cooking together in the kitchen, painting an accent wall in the living room, etc. etc. Behind the scenes, they hate each other and argue constantly.

Don't believe everything you see on social media.  Every married guy I know is miserable.  None of them are happy, but don't leave as they would be financially ruined. 

This is actually really so true. SM is misleading in all kinds of ways. I tend to only post when good things are going on and I love to post pics of my family out places. I just love seeing everybody run around - but that's because otherwise, everybody is plastered to electronics and vegetating. I see us as SERIOUSLY lazy, I worry constantly that my kids are inactive and we butt heads when I try to light a fire under them, and especially since Covid I feel like we spend endless days in the house getting on one another's every last nerve.

When we do get out for walks of whatever I go Mom crazy and take pics. Also just to kind of convince myself that yes, we do very occasionally leave the dungeon and creep squinting into the light.

But mostly I see us as inactive and trapped and on each other's nerves.

But my aunt called me recently and said, "I was checking out your FB page. My God, J, are you guys EVER home? If I kept up a constant pace like you guys running around, I'd drop dead from exhaustion!"

 Despite the old adage, pictures actually do lie. Even when you're not trying deliberately to make them to. Those apparently happy couples may just be trying to cheer themselves up, wishing for that life.

[CaliforniaGirl]

37 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

3 😳 ?? I don’t have just one, not sure what you’re unhappy about. 

This is your choice. You said you were having no-relationship sex and you said you don't want to physically date now for safety reasons. I agree with the safety reasons but why are you acting like other people can have things you can't? Unless they're already living together they have those things because they're taking risks. If you took the same risks, then given your past ability to get laid, you'd be getting laid.

I'm starting to just not get what this thread is about. You're bitter about not having a relationship even though you don't want one and you're bitter about not getting laid even though you could and you're bitter about otherwise being lonely but you see just talking to women online for now as a waste of time. BUT...you're mad at everybody else. Just... 🤔

Edited September 19, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Dork Vader]

On 9/17/2020 at 8:38 PM, Redguitar35 said:

I am pi$$ed  😡. I have never had a long term relationship. Longest one was 6 months. After that I decided I no longer wanted to invest any time or money into relationships that inevitably end, so I decided to just stick to one night stands. Then the pandemic happened and made that damn near impossible. I can’t even get sex now. 🤬 Meanwhile I get to see my friends in social media either married or in polyamorous relationships. I’m at the end of my rope mentally. I spend hours of my time staring at the wall in frustration.

It seems like this whole pandemic is the Universe’s last “Screw you” to people who were already struggling with loneliness and weren’t lucky enough to find someone who appreciated you before it hit. People who have partners can at least enjoy their time together — they sure as hell aren’t shy to post photos of them doing so on social media. Those of us who didn’t, there is literally nothing to look forward to in life except endless alone time.

I think even after the pandemic ends I’m going to be one bitter dude over how much dating sucked before and during the epidemic. I’m just angry at life. I never asked to struggle so much while others have it so easy with dating. 

How the hell does one not be so bitter? 

I went through similar stuff in my 20's. I can tell you this, I was single for a reason. I'm not say that's the case for you, but if it is and if you're honest with yourself about it. Then get serious about self improvement.

I gambled way to much and I was a raging alcoholic amongst other issues. I also was not taking treatment for OCD seriously and letting that rule my life. I finally got fed up when I was 30 years old and cleaned up my life. I quit trying to date and started trying to build relationship with people, whether it was friendship or something that would blossom into more. I had a long term relationship after i had a year sober. I'm single again now, but getting my life together and dealing with my inner demons was a game changer. Building relationships with people instead of trying to date them was another big game changer. I can accept relationships for what they are instead of what I want them to be. 

[amerikajin]

On 9/17/2020 at 11:38 PM, Redguitar35 said:

I am pi$$ed  😡. I have never had a long term relationship. Longest one was 6 months. After that I decided I no longer wanted to invest any time or money into relationships that inevitably end, so I decided to just stick to one night stands. Then the pandemic happened and made that damn near impossible. I can’t even get sex now. 🤬 Meanwhile I get to see my friends in social media either married or in polyamorous relationships. I’m at the end of my rope mentally. I spend hours of my time staring at the wall in frustration.

It seems like this whole pandemic is the Universe’s last “Screw you” to people who were already struggling with loneliness and weren’t lucky enough to find someone who appreciated you before it hit. People who have partners can at least enjoy their time together — they sure as hell aren’t shy to post photos of them doing so on social media. Those of us who didn’t, there is literally nothing to look forward to in life except endless alone time.

I think even after the pandemic ends I’m going to be one bitter dude over how much dating sucked before and during the epidemic. I’m just angry at life. I never asked to struggle so much while others have it so easy with dating. 

How the hell does one not be so bitter? 

Understand that what you see on social media is the image that people want to project; it's not necessarily what's really happening behind closed doors. I've known several friends who posted "Life is great with my wife/husband and kids" pics and they eventually got divorced. I kinda figured it out even before they announced 'cause i stopped seeing pics

[princessaurora]

17 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

Not that simple. If I got on a dating app right now I would likely meet someone who doesn’t care about the risk of infection like most people on here. And unless I’m with this person 24/7 it’s impossible to know how much risks they are taking. You f*** buddy may have others you don’t know about. The only hope for my sex life to get back to normal is a damn vaccine. Until that happens I’m going to be alone and unhappy. 

You are not the only person looking for sex during this pandemic. It's gone on for far too long and a vaccine could be another year away. Are you willing to go that long without it? There are plenty of people who are doing everything they can to avoid getting the virus, but would still like to find a steady sex partner. Maybe you could put this on your profile and see what kind of responses you get. Have a thorough conversation to make sure they're as serious as you with protecting their health.  But being into ONS, will you be happy having the same woman for months- a year? Your odds of catching covid go up with the  amount of people you interact with, but if you stay with one person who has the same views of this pandemic, with that person, they're pretty low. 

[Versacehottie]

16 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

Has nothing to do with “entitlement“. I’m not sure why you’re attacking me. 

I'm not attacking you.  Just trying to get you to wake up.  Nothing worse than a guy who blames the world on his problems when they have a chance to do something about it.  That you don't want to conduct your life in certain ways is a choice, yet you are still blaming the world instead of looking at what you can do when your own choices/preferences block certain ways of dealing with the cards dealt.  especially relevant because everyone is dealing with virtually the same cards at the moment!  To me, it's clear that you are depressed.  Don't want to call you out about it cause people don't usually react well to it--perhaps you will see it someday after the fact.  It's hard when you reach out to help as many on the thread have and the person who really prefers wallowing snaps back at you.   You are getting lots of great advice from a variety of tones.  Take it or leave it.  if you take it you could possibly change your situation, if you leave it you are most certainly stuck in the state you are in unless you learn to rely on yourself and start doing that.

Here's excerpts of your thread where yes you do feel like you are owed something. 

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I am pi$$ed  . I have never had a long term relationship. Longest one was 6 months. After that I decided I no longer wanted to invest any time or money into relationships that inevitably end, so I decided to just stick to one night stands. Then the pandemic happened and made that damn near impossible. I can’t even get sex now.  Meanwhile I get to see my friends in social media either married or in polyamorous relationships. I’m at the end of my rope mentally. I spend hours of my time staring at the wall in frustration.

It seems like this whole pandemic is the Universe’s last “Screw you” to people who were already struggling with loneliness and weren’t lucky enough to find someone who appreciated you before it hit. People who have partners can at least enjoy their time together — they sure as hell aren’t shy to post photos of them doing so on social media. Those of us who didn’t, there is literally nothing to look forward to in life except endless alone time.

I think even after the pandemic ends I’m going to be one bitter dude over how much dating sucked before and during the epidemic. I’m just angry at life. I never asked to struggle so much while others have it so easy with dating. 

How the hell does one not be so bitter? 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

1. Your decision to stop dating with the goal of finding a partner. YOURS alone.  Before the pandemic.   It's like a game of musical chairs; you'd have been better off to have a partner when the world pulled the pandemic chair but it's not how YOU decided to play the game. Your gamble, your loss.

2. That you use the hours of your time like this is no one's fault or choice but your own.

3.Debatable. lol, the pandemic is not hurting specifically single people. Imagine if you lost the love of your life to COVID.  It's all a matter of perspective and attitude. There are certainly things that would make dating harder for single people, I'll give you that but a positive attitude and different choices will help in the position you are in.  There are plenty of single guys figuring out their way, just saying.  Is it ideal? No. But they are making it work.  BTW, you wouldn't have had anyone anyway since you play the one night stand game--a choice you made before covid hit.

4. "i never asked to struggle so much while others have it so easy with dating" is pretty much the epitome of an entitled statement.  If it wasn't the pandemic, you'd be whinging that good looking, tall or rich or some other version of guys have it easy and you don't.  Maybe girls don't want to waste their time with a guy who doesn't want a relationship--not worthy girls perhaps.  You can't have it all, especially when you literally cut off avenues that would get you what you want.  I would say attitude is the biggest one. Well after you get your depression under control.  

I'm going to bow out now.  I have nothing more to say of value bc I think it's going on deaf ears.  And while I want to help, I hate being dragged into someone's moan session. If you want a different life, do different things--it comes down to that.  Good luck (sincerely good luck).

[Wiseman2]

🐥🐣🥚🐣🐥🥚 It's sort of a chicken-egg riddle isn't it? You hate women so wonder why women aren't into you.

[snowcones]

On 9/18/2020 at 1:42 PM, Beachead said:

@Redguitar35

I don't think its too difficult to see that you're just looking for someone to understand your situation.  I do.  

I'm 33. I'm single.  Although that's by choice now, it wasn't for a long while.  I worked at a couple of relationships and several prospects that didn't pan out and everytime it didn't, it took something out of me.  The amount of heartbreak and suffering, time and energy that was required to get myself back on my feet was incredibly taxing.  Meanwhile, I watched my friends and family couple up one by one, eventually to get engaged, married...and have children.   

..and while you wish you could be only happy them,  the reality is that happiness is shared with envy and resentment..because its not like you didn't try in your own life.  You probably did the best you knew knew how and things didn't work out.  And all those people are constantly bombarding with reminders of what you feel you're missing out on.   Eventually somethings breaks..and when you go and vent it all out, everyone presumes your situation is all on you. 

It's a "Chicken or the egg" situation.  Was it your own attitude that caused the life you resent or is that you were dealt a bad hand that eventually soured you?

..but more so, does it really matter which one?  All that matters is you're unhappy right now. 

My question to you is, pre-pandemic, did you have anything else that brought you purpose and lit you up with passion where it got you out of bed every morning ..besides dating and sex?  

- Beach

 

This was a sweet, understanding and right on the money post.

Also, Redguitar, I have lots and lots of single friends and acquaintances.  A shocking number of them are still meeting up with people for the first time during this pandemic, so it hasn't really stopped a lot of people.  It has stopped some but not all.  In my observations of single women in particular during this pandemic, they do want to chat/text a bit first though before meeting up.  Honestly, I think this trend is going to continue after the pandemic too.

Edited September 20, 2020 by snowcones

[Mysterio]

For some reason.  When I make the effort.  Nothing really pans out.  The women in my city seem very bland about dating or they expect it to be a high octane adventure.  A lot of them are single mothers.  They are also still in the vien of just being separated as well.  I can't imagine in the next 2 yr or so.  Meeting a woman and both of us are so head over heels with each other and we get married and have kids.  Something has changed in modern society that is making mating a bit more difficult these days.  I don't know what it is.  

[ZA Dater]

Being bitter is ok but realise one thing: other people don't care if you are bitter, it does not effect them, it only effects you and then ask yourself if being bitter makes you feel better, short term yes perhaps it does, long term it will definitely not make you feel better.

The problem with dating is unless you can find some success with it, you are always working from a position of weakness and it then becomes very difficult to approach it with anything like any enthusiasm never mind being positive so you end up repeating this cycle which again has no benefit. 

I sympathise with you because I know what it is like but you cannot let things become all consuming.