I am bitter as hell over my dating life

[Snow_Queen]

50 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

We are in a global pandemic, in case you haven’t noticed. Not much to see or do. 

As a matter of fact, I’m well aware of most local and global issues. Travel may be selective but there is plenty to do that doesn’t require social distancing or masks. Learning a new instrument or painting, for example. Can be done indoors or outdoors.

I think the attitude is most likely what’s preventing you from meeting and keeping someone around.

[snowcones]

Redguitar, do you want to get married?

[Redguitar35]

12 minutes ago, snowcones said:

Redguitar, do you want to get married?

I do not, I really have no desire to live together and share the same house with someone

[mark clemson]

13 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

I spend hours of my time staring at the wall in frustration.

If this is literally true you need either counseling or some hobbies. Branch out - it can have benefits beyond what you expect sometimes.

[mark clemson]

13 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

People who have partners ... post photos of them doing so on social media. Those of us who didn’t, there is literally nothing to look forward to in life except endless alone time.

While I don't think everyone's unhappy or anything, some people are + as you are probably aware, a LOT of social media is staged and essentially phony. Show only the best bits. Like that guy who killed his wife and kids several months back, if you had seen ONLY their social media you would have thought they had a glorious life and marriage.

Make the very best of your alone time and make ONE of your hobbies figuring out ways to get around the COVID "restrictions".

[snowcones]

14 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

I do not, I really have no desire to live together and share the same house with someone

Okay, that's what I thought, so you really should not pay any attention to people in LTR's and let them make you feel angry.  It wouldn't be what you want anyway.

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Redguitar35 said:

I’m to blame for a global pandemic that’s preventing me from safely meeting people for sex?? 

No, For giving up on trying to have another relationship and throwing yourself into ONSs, and for whining about a pandemic which no one has no control over from happening. People find other creative ways to have sex. Web cam/sex toys.

[ccas93]

theres a very attractive and popular-seeming 26 year old girl i've been chatting with on hinge, and she said she hasn't had sex since before the pandemic. it's not just you man. the world isn't banging up a storm right now while you rot in loneliness. 

[SumGuy]

14 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

....

How the hell does one not be so bitter? 

Humility, empathy and not letting ones expectations and preconceptions control you.

You mentioned you gave up on investing and on long term (greater than 6 months) because you decided they are all a waste of time.   Fair enough.  You went the ONS route and now times have changed and that is no longer easy...news flash...few of us have it easy we just accept the inherent work needed in life and human relationships in particular, that there is no guarantee and no one "owes" you their heart, or body, or mind, so we don't think it is unfair or get bitter.  

As you chose the ONS route it shouldn't surprise you you don't have a relationship or are married or engaged (not that those routes are all roses either no matter what curated images people put on-line show).  Back when the ONS thing was going for you others were probably looking at your social media wondering why they could never get a ONS.

It's never to late to change ones outlook and approach though.

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

I’m just angry at life. I never asked to struggle so much while others have it so easy with dating. 

 

1 hour ago, Redguitar35 said:

No, I could go on forever having friends with benefits or hookups. But I can’t even get that anymore and it’s frustrating. 

I don't know, man. 

You say you're frustrated by the pandemic, which is understandable. But you also say you're angry that you struggle so much with dating while others have it easy. But who is really having an easy time dating during all of this? It's not like there's much of a singles hook-up scene anywhere right now. 

There are two separate issues here, from what I'm gathering. 

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

Lots of sex, and none of the drama, disappointment or financial commitment that comes with dates and relationships. I didn’t ever have to risk being disappointed or broken up with because it was just sex. Right now with this pandemic I can’t even do that anymore. 

So just find one F*** buddy to meet up with consistently, someone who is like-minded and not looking for a relationship, both of you get covid tested, and there you go.

[Beachead]

@Redguitar35

15 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

I am pi$$ed  😡. I have never had a long term relationship. Longest one was 6 months. After that I decided I no longer wanted to invest any time or money into relationships that inevitably end, so I decided to just stick to one night stands. Then the pandemic happened and made that damn near impossible. I can’t even get sex now. 🤬 Meanwhile I get to see my friends in social media either married or in polyamorous relationships. I’m at the end of my rope mentally. I spend hours of my time staring at the wall in frustration.

It seems like this whole pandemic is the Universe’s last “Screw you” to people who were already struggling with loneliness and weren’t lucky enough to find someone who appreciated you before it hit. People who have partners can at least enjoy their time together — they sure as hell aren’t shy to post photos of them doing so on social media. Those of us who didn’t, there is literally nothing to look forward to in life except endless alone time.

I think even after the pandemic ends I’m going to be one bitter dude over how much dating sucked before and during the epidemic. I’m just angry at life. I never asked to struggle so much while others have it so easy with dating. 

How the hell does one not be so bitter? 

I don't think its too difficult to see that you're just looking for someone to understand your situation.  I do.  

I'm 33. I'm single.  Although that's by choice now, it wasn't for a long while.  I worked at a couple of relationships and several prospects that didn't pan out and everytime it didn't, it took something out of me.  The amount of heartbreak and suffering, time and energy that was required to get myself back on my feet was incredibly taxing.  Meanwhile, I watched my friends and family couple up one by one, eventually to get engaged, married...and have children.   

..and while you wish you could be only happy them,  the reality is that happiness is shared with envy and resentment..because its not like you didn't try in your own life.  You probably did the best you knew knew how and things didn't work out.  And all those people are constantly bombarding with reminders of what you feel you're missing out on.   Eventually somethings breaks..and when you go and vent it all out, everyone presumes your situation is all on you. 

It's a "Chicken or the egg" situation.  Was it your own attitude that caused the life you resent or is that you were dealt a bad hand that eventually soured you?

..but more so, does it really matter which one?  All that matters is you're unhappy right now. 

My question to you is, pre-pandemic, did you have anything else that brought you purpose and lit you up with passion where it got you out of bed every morning ..besides dating and sex?  

- Beach

 

 

 

 

Edited September 18, 2020 by Beachead

[Redguitar35]

48 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@Redguitar35

I don't think its too difficult to see that you're just looking for someone to understand your situation.  I do.  

I'm 33. I'm single.  Although that's by choice now, it wasn't for a long while.  I worked at a couple of relationships and several prospects that didn't pan out and everytime it didn't, it took something out of me.  The amount of heartbreak and suffering, time and energy that was required to get myself back on my feet was incredibly taxing.  Meanwhile, I watched my friends and family couple up one by one, eventually to get engaged, married...and have children.   

..and while you wish you could be only happy them,  the reality is that happiness is shared with envy and resentment..because its not like you didn't try in your own life.  You probably did the best you knew knew how and things didn't work out.  And all those people are constantly bombarding with reminders of what you feel you're missing out on.   Eventually somethings breaks..and when you go and vent it all out, everyone presumes your situation is all on you. 

It's a "Chicken or the egg" situation.  Was it your own attitude that caused the life you resent or is that you were dealt a bad hand that eventually soured you?

..but more so, does it really matter which one?  All that matters is you're unhappy right now. 

My question to you is, pre-pandemic, did you have anything else that brought you purpose and lit you up with passion where it got you out of bed every morning ..besides dating and sex?  

- Beach

 

 

Exactly! You put yourself out there the same as everyone else and then when it fails they say it’s all your fault. 
 

As far as your last question, I don’t remember. Right now I’ve just been developing new hobbies like photography. But the loneliness and lack of sex still bother and irritate me and I see constant reminders of it. 

[Redguitar35]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

Humility, empathy and not letting ones expectations and preconceptions control you.

You mentioned you gave up on investing and on long term (greater than 6 months) because you decided they are all a waste of time.   Fair enough.  You went the ONS route and now times have changed and that is no longer easy...news flash...few of us have it easy we just accept the inherent work needed in life and human relationships in particular, that there is no guarantee and no one "owes" you their heart, or body, or mind, so we don't think it is unfair or get bitter.  

As you chose the ONS route it shouldn't surprise you you don't have a relationship or are married or engaged (not that those routes are all roses either no matter what curated images people put on-line show).  Back when the ONS thing was going for you others were probably looking at your social media wondering why they could never get a ONS.

It's never to late to change ones outlook and approach though.

The one relationship I had ended with her breaking things off two weeks before Xmas. After that  I went on a million one and done dinner dates and finally had enough. I said, “No more of this, this is just wasting my time and money.” I was happier just meeting people for sex than I was with dating and relationships. 

[normal person]

16 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

Those of us who didn’t, there is literally nothing to look forward to in life except endless alone time.

Well, this is the risk you assume when you don't want to be in a committed relationship. You should be prepared to be happy alone. 

[Beachead]

@Redguitar35

Quote

Right now I’ve just been developing new hobbies like photography. But the loneliness and lack of sex still bother and irritate me and I see constant reminders of it. 

This is good.  What made you choose photography? 

 

 

[Redguitar35]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

So just find one F*** buddy to meet up with consistently, someone who is like-minded and not looking for a relationship, both of you get covid tested, and there you go.

Not that simple. If I got on a dating app right now I would likely meet someone who doesn’t care about the risk of infection like most people on here. And unless I’m with this person 24/7 it’s impossible to know how much risks they are taking. You f*** buddy may have others you don’t know about. The only hope for my sex life to get back to normal is a damn vaccine. Until that happens I’m going to be alone and unhappy. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

10 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

Where did I say anyone ”owes me sex”? And what makes everyone else so special that they deserve it instead? 

It's not that they deserve it. It's that they put in some sort of effort. Varying types of effort. Love and caring and attention. Or...macking. Didn't you just say you had one-night stands? What made you think you deserved them?

On a softer note...are you depressed? 😥 Please...why suffer? Reach out for help. Call a doctor. They DO understand. Especially now. Depression is unfortunately huge right now.

[Redguitar35]

25 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

It's not that they deserve it. It's that they put in some sort of effort. Varying types of effort. Love and caring and attention. Or...macking. Didn't you just say you had one-night stands? What made you think you deserved them?

On a softer note...are you depressed? 😥 Please...why suffer? Reach out for help. Call a doctor. They DO understand. Especially now. Depression is unfortunately huge right now.

Already have, there’s nothing they can say to fix things. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

Already have, there’s nothing they can say to fix things. 

There's medication.

People do treat depression.

[Ami1uwant]

19 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

I am pi$$ed  😡. I have never had a long term relationship. Longest one was 6 months. After that I decided I no longer wanted to invest any time or money into relationships that inevitably end, so I decided to just stick to one night stands. Then the pandemic happened and made that damn near impossible. I can’t even get sex now. 🤬 Meanwhile I get to see my friends in social media either married or in polyamorous relationships. I’m at the end of my rope mentally. I spend hours of my time staring at the wall in frustration.

It seems like this whole pandemic is the Universe’s last “Screw you” to people who were already struggling with loneliness and weren’t lucky enough to find someone who appreciated you before it hit. People who have partners can at least enjoy their time together — they sure as hell aren’t shy to post photos of them doing so on social media. Those of us who didn’t, there is literally nothing to look forward to in life except endless alone time.

I think even after the pandemic ends I’m going to be one bitter dude over how much dating sucked before and during the epidemic. I’m just angry at life. I never asked to struggle so much while others have it so easy with dating. 

How the hell does one not be so bitter? 

Theyv come out with devices you can use for Covid sex

[Versacehottie]

7 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

No, I could go on forever having friends with benefits or hookups. But I can’t even get that anymore and it’s frustrating. 

I guess you need to decide if this is a momentarily blip where you are having a meltdown and a venting session or if it' kind of you "set point" and normal state of being.  If it's a meltdown, make it short and make a plan.  There are definitely people dating during the pandemic, even if it's cautiously.  

If it's a normal set point for you to be this bitter--you called it we didn't; though it does seem to be really accurate--then your first priority should be figuring out how to get out of that state of being.  If you are projecting that, it's a turnoff completely.  Dating could be wide open, no pandemic and you have a million girls dying to go out with you based on a photo, but very few would stick around through the whining or whinging. You are limiting your own options with that attitude.  Rather than complain, even if there are some truths to what you are saying, 'dating's hard or whatever", it won't change the world to keep complaining while you become more and more bitter.  You have to find a way to work with what you've got.  Not just for dating, but you see lots of people during the pandemic figure out how to do things in this new world and some get paralyzed and cannot.  I mean it's kind of ironic that you are sitting here complaining about something every single one of us is going through and it's affecting all of us--albeit in a variety of ways.

I think if you are feeling this way it seems more chronic IMO.  I think it would take more than a quick or bandaid solution to not go "back to this place" each time you face a challenge or adversity. If i'm 100% honest, (I can pull the quotes) but you did sound like you were entitled to a girlfriend/sex and like the world owed it to you.  It's in your writing and surely your approach to things--it's betraying thoughts you think you are concealing but you're not.  Anyway, best of luck to you.  I think you can do it but it's going to take effort and this pandemic and it's results are not going away tomorrow so you better find a way to work around it.  Good luck

Edited September 18, 2020 by Versacehottie

[Redguitar35]

3 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

 

I think if you are feeling this way it seems more chronic IMO.  I think it would take more than a quick or bandaid solution to not go "back to this place" each time you face a challenge or adversity. If i'm 100% honest, (I can pull the quotes) but you did sound like you were entitled to a girlfriend/sex and like the world owed it to you. 

Has nothing to do with “entitlement“. I’m not sure why you’re attacking me. 

[mortensorchid]

If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone.  I refuse to accept the fact that no one wants me but that's what others seem to be saying with their actions.  They don't want a real relationship, they want trashy girls who will take care of them.  

And I too am bitter and hating the world.  When I have the slightest glimmer of hope it gets shot down.  But I hope that someday, somehow it can and will happen beyond having 3 FWBs that I see from time to time.  There's more to life than that.

[Redguitar35]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone.  I refuse to accept the fact that no one wants me but that's what others seem to be saying with their actions.  They don't want a real relationship, they want trashy girls who will take care of them.  

And I too am bitter and hating the world.  When I have the slightest glimmer of hope it gets shot down.  But I hope that someday, somehow it can and will happen beyond having 3 FWBs that I see from time to time.  There's more to life than that.

3 😳 ?? I don’t have just one, not sure what you’re unhappy about.