Hurt1234 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 He and I have been dating for a year and a half. In this time we have come across times where my text messages go answered for a bit but he's active on social media. He eventually answers, fine you need your down time to do your thing I understand. He's a great guy so I can deal with this part. The other day responses were far in between, you're working I get it, but he had time to be on and off social media all day and like photos of women on his account. I confronted him and he said he wasn't on at all that day, nor did he press the like button 5 hrs earlier for a photo I screenshot and sent to him. He doesn't know how that like got there. This morning he changed his settings so that people cannot see when he is online, guilty I know this. What would you do? And how do you get your point across making him well aware that I am not stupid and he is now losing a great thing. I need this man to suffer his lose and regret all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 You get help. He's allowed to not respond for hours at a time. You are not his jailer. He is not obligated to respond to you at your beck & call like some kind of trained dog Your expectations are completely unreasonable. There is something off about you that you are monitoring him on social media to the point where he had to block you so you would stop hounding him. You need to learn patience & self control. He has already suffered enough because you did this to him. He has nothing to regret. You however need to figure out what is making you this batty & controlling. It's not healthy. 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted September 18, 2020 Author Share Posted September 18, 2020 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: You get help. He's allowed to not respond for hours at a time. You are not his jailer. He is not obligated to respond to you at your beck & call like some kind of trained dog Your expectations are completely unreasonable. There is something off about you that you are monitoring him on social media to the point where he had to block you so you would stop hounding him. You need to learn patience & self control. He has already suffered enough because you did this to him. He has nothing to regret. You however need to figure out what is making you this batty & controlling. It's not healthy. Thank you for the honesty, I have become this way because of the online activity and then became obsessed with checking. Lets say, to see if he was telling me the truth about things. This time he lied then changed the settings. I am letting him go, I just wanted to know the best way so he feels regret. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 (edited) He won't regret it because he doesn't care. Your behavior made him feel like he dodged a bullet when you exited his life. Since you know social media is a trigger for you & you check it incessantly, don't connect with anybody you date on social media. It makes you crazy. Learn that just because we have the ability to be connected 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do so. Reserve texts for quick one shots that don't require a lengthy response. If you want the back & forth of a conversation use the voice feature or video. If you don't want that much intensity, whatever it is, isn't worth it. Judge people by how they act in real life not ion social media. My rule is that is somebody gets back to me within 24 hours -- yes a whole DAY -- it's all good. If you reset your expectations you will be less anxious about this stuff. Edited September 18, 2020 by d0nnivain 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted September 18, 2020 Author Share Posted September 18, 2020 7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: He won't regret it because he doesn't care. Your behavior made him feel like he dodged a bullet when you exited his life. Since you know social media is a trigger for you & you check it incessantly, don't connect with anybody you date on social media. It makes you crazy. Learn that just because we have the ability to be connected 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do so. Reserve texts for quick one shots that don't require a lengthy response. If you want the back & forth of a conversation use the voice feature or video. If you don't want that much intensity, whatever it is, isn't worth it. Judge people by how they act in real life not ion social media. My rule is that is somebody gets back to me within 24 hours -- yes a whole DAY -- it's all good. If you reset your expectations you will be less anxious about this stuff. Anxious I am. Thanks for the input. What do I say to let him go. Any ideas would be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Good bye? I don't know. You're looking for magic words that will cause him to reflect on his behavior, conclude that he was wrong & promise to never do it again & beg you to stay. I don't have words to accomplish that for you. Your choices are put up with it or walk away. Making him change is not one of the choices. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 5 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: What would you do? And how do you get your point across making him well aware that I am not stupid and he is now losing a great thing. I need this man to suffer his lose and regret all of this. I show my wayward lover that I have other options. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 (edited) On 7/27/2020 at 6:37 PM, Hurt1234 said: I still hold a married status as I am going through a nasty long divorce. I currently live in my matrimonial home with me husband and have been throughout my one year relationship with bf. Are you mad at your husband or your BF? Who do you really want to punish for your pain? Edited September 18, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 @Hurt1234 if you really do still live with your stbxh , girl that is some glass house & you have zero room to get mad at your OM for anything he does. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 14 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: What would you do? And how do you get your point across making him well aware that I am not stupid and he is now losing a great thing. I need this man to suffer his lose and regret all of this. You do realize how immature and desperate this sounds, right? You can't make someone care. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 This is 100% a problem with you, not him. You should not be obsessively checking someone's social media activity and policing what they "like". Work on your insecurity and control issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 (edited) On 9/18/2020 at 10:14 AM, Hurt1234 said: I need this man to suffer his lose and regret all of this. Be careful of the hole you dig for someone else, lest you fall into it yourself. He did exactly what he should have done. He's already got a mother. You have bigger fish to fry in getting your divorce finalized. You have no room to tantrum here until that's done. Edited September 20, 2020 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 (edited) You don't like the way you are being treated and you are being lied to, and not being listen to, you feel disrespected. I don't think it's fair to "put up with it". ....there is only one solution...breakup. Edited September 22, 2020 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
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