ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 15 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: I have to answer calls as I have ads out hiring. That makes perfect sense, but I don't think that's OP's case. OP, just block him and be done with it. He doesn't care about your feelings, so you certainly don't need to extend the same courtesy to him. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 On 9/18/2020 at 1:33 PM, Tina Marie 82 said: I had hoped it wouldn't come to blocking because it just seems like something a teenager would do. No, it's what adults do with people who will not respect the fact that their relationship with you is over or when you no longer are interested in what they have to say. It's called "standing sentry to your boundaries" and that's never someone else's responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 (edited) On 9/18/2020 at 2:32 PM, Tina Marie 82 said: I'm just over here minding my business and then some (now married) guy I dated 10 years ago will text me out of the blue and try to rehash the past. Have you at any point when they text or call you out of the blue just said to them: "We no longer have anything to discuss. I'm requesting that you no longer contact me"? If not, why not? They're going to keep on contacting you because, as I said earlier, you're not acting like someone who doesn't want to hear from them any longer. I had an ex do that to me about 5 years after he dumped me, take up with someone else and moved out of state. It was on new years day 2000... he started chatting like he hadn't crushed my heart and I said to him "why are you calling me? You made yourself quite clear the last time you spoke to me and we no longer have anything to talk about. Don't call me again", and I hung up the phone--and this was before cell phones and call blocking. A wall of ice, but guess what? I haven't heard from him in 20 years now and I like life that way. Go on YouTube and look up Terri Cole. Just this past week, she did a "Boundary Bootcamp" live stream that she's got saved on her channel. Avail yourself of her wisdom and follow her. She's very no nonsense and straight to the point. Edited September 20, 2020 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 On 9/19/2020 at 1:37 PM, Datingdisabled said: I have to answer calls as I have ads out hiring. Get a burner phone for that and make them leave messages so you can weed out who you're trying to hire from ex's who are there to waste your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lee179108 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 its a strange one, with my ex on our first breakup she would whatsapp me sometimes then go without messaging me... she broke up with me as well. After time she would reach out again and say she wanted to get back together as she missed me. We tried again and then she broke up again for various reasons... what i learnt was that she was doing it as she missed me, but maybe in reality there was no other option out there for her which is why she reached out... weve been no contact now for 3 weeks so yeah if she reached out again im not replying. Why even respond to someone who breaks up with you, especially if you treated them good. Ive learnt my lesson the hard way, but for me its either because they have no better option out there and want something that they used to have, or because they miss you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 It's very easy to get exes to stop contacting you if you really want them to. Most people complain about them but really want them to call. It's called validation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Datingdisabled Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: It's very easy to get exes to stop contacting you if you really want them to. Most people complain about them but really want them to call. It's called validation. Every therapist will tell you to seek validation through loved ones in a difficult time. If the ex plays games, that's on the ex! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 I imagine when they said "loved ones" they meant friends and family who actually care about you. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Datingdisabled Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, stillafool said: I imagine when they said "loved ones" they meant friends and family who actually care about you. Yes but my point was that in times of need, it is okay to use forums to seek that out. Edited September 21, 2020 by Datingdisabled Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 2 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: Yes but my point was that in times of need, it is okay to use forums to seek that out. I'm sorry I didn't get a reference of forums from your post. You were referencing "loved ones" which you don't typically find on forums. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Datingdisabled Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, stillafool said: I'm sorry I didn't get a reference of forums from your post. You were referencing "loved ones" which you don't typically find on forums. No, I was saying that people who don't have loved ones or friends who care about them, it is perfectly acceptable to find support on forums. Edited September 22, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Referencing other members Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 8 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: No, I was saying that people who don't have loved ones or friends who care about them, it is perfectly acceptable to find support on forums. I think many would agree. I'm not sure how that relates to OP's situation, but no harm in seeking support online when one needs it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 They "won't go away" because you don't want them to. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 22, 2020 Share Posted September 22, 2020 14 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: No, I was saying that people who don't have loved ones or friends who care about them, it is perfectly acceptable to find support on forums. Of course and I agree but as you can see below my original post said nothing about forums so I don't understand how your comment was directed to my post. 23 hours ago, Datingdisabled said: Every therapist will tell you to seek validation through loved ones in a difficult time. If the ex plays games, that's on the ex! On 9/21/2020 at 9:51 AM, stillafool said: It's very easy to get exes to stop contacting you if you really want them to. Most people complain about them but really want them to call. It's called validation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) It could be he genuinely wants to stay in touch. Some people like to be on good terms with exes. But if he only contacts you every six months, or if his messaging elicts any emotional response at all, I would say it's not that because if he was a friend, he would tell you he was sorry for how he acted. That although you two may not have worked romantically, he would like to be on friendly terms and check in from time to time. It could be that he is unsure if he still likes you, so he wants to make sure you don't forget about him. He may also want to see if you'll chase. If this is the case, if you respond, he gets what he wants, to keep you guessing and emotionally triggered. He could just be curious. Literally, every one of my exes check my social media stories. Some of them within minutes of me posting! Most of them are in other relationships, or they broke things off with me. I don't read into it, I just assume they're curious. At one time, we shared time and deep down they may ask themselves "what if"...heck, maybe they regret it now, but I never chase so I guess we'll never know. I see it as harmless though. In this case, he won't give you a direct answer, which tells me he is probably just curious. Maybe a little jealous that he doesn't want you to move on. He knows if you aren't seeing anyone and he contact you, you'll think about him because you don't have anything else romantic to distract you. He wants to know, have you moved on? Found anyone else? If you feel a need to reply, just tell him you are in a relationship and out of respect for your new relationship, you don't think it's right to speak any longer. It's lying, but it's a way for him to get a hint that you are moved on and it also gives a valid reason why he should cut contact. A girl I was dating had an ex that would not stop calling her. I was only dating her, but when he called, I answered and told him we are married now and I would appreciate if he stopped calling her. He never called again lol If you have him on your social media, this lie probably won't work. Personally, I would just block. Especially if the contact elicits and emotion. If he is able to trigger emotions in you, even annoyance or anger, then it's not healthy for you to be in contact with him. I'm not saying you want him back, but he obviously hurt you so interacting with him is blocking your healing. Edited September 28, 2020 by TheFinalWord Link to post Share on other sites
Commongoal123 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 (edited) You must have been really good in bed. Or worth keeping and they realized it after the fact. Can't know what you had until it's gone. Maybe they thought they could keep you wrapped around their finger, amd then learned after breaking up that you weren't gonna pine over them and it was a hit to their ego. So they reach out to try and get that control and ego boost. And as another suggested, maybe your man-picker needs some adjusting. Look into that for sure, just in case. Are these all self centered dudes? Maybe they just want a hook-up. Maybe it is a combination of the above. Maybe all of the above. Edited October 9, 2020 by Commongoal123 Link to post Share on other sites
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