Looking for people in similar situation

[Kitkatz31]

1 hour ago, greymatter said:

I hear that you want to stay in the marriage if he will agree to it. How will you feel if he starts spending your/his money on dating other people? Going out to dinner, gifts, new clothes for dates, weekends away, etc.?

We haven't got that far yet. Neither one of us know all the answers. I know what I want and that is him. So I want to try and make this work and all we can do is take it one day at a time.

[elaine567]

6 hours ago, Kitkatz31 said:

I know what I want and that is him

Ok but he is not going to be the "him" you are used to.
Fine to take one day at a time but you need to do some forward planning so that if he announces one day he is leaving to pursue a gay life, then you are not going to be bereft both emotionally and financially.
Grey M makes an excellent point too.
He may not just want BJs from casual guys, he may want full blown dating and relationships. If that is the case where exactly do you fit in? 
I get the example of the trans woman who has stayed married to her wife, as there are no third parties messing up their marriage.
A bi man who wants to explore his gay side is no longer going to be satisfied sitting at home playing happy families is he?

IMO you need to plan for divorce, it may or may not happen but at least you will be prepared...
Do you work? How old are the kids?
Can you afford to stay in the house alone?
All may be very civilised just now, but it may not continue that way, especially if he starts to feel hemmed in or trapped in a marriage, he is no longer invested fully in.

Seems to me men rarely want to leave long term, non toxic marriages. The main reason they do, is for another person, that person gives him an ultimatum usually and provides a soft landing.
I know your husband has said he has not cheated but I guess there is someone he has in mind that has prompted this sudden suggestion of divorce...

[ExpatInItaly]

22 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Ok but he is not going to be the "him" you are used to.

I know your husband has said he has not cheated but I guess there is someone he has in mind that has prompted this sudden suggestion of divorce...

Two good points. I was about to raise the latter myself. 

To address the first point: The man you knew is changing, OP, and it won't be the same as it was. If you proceed, you are going to have to be very flexible and understand that your marriage won't return to the marriage you enjoyed all these years. The goalposts are changing dramatically so you have to really ask yourself if you're prepared to modify your own expectations to accommodate that. This isn't something that he will "get out of his system" (so to speak) and then you'll go back to the way it was. This will be a major turning point in both your lives regardless of what happens from here. 

I would also observe and see if you can suss out whether he's actually already met someone else. The fact that he came to you with divorce first is concerning, regardless of the reasoning. It went from zero to sixty very quickly, so I wonder what else has been going on with him to take him to that point without first discussing his feelings and doubts with you. As elaine suggests, I don't think he's necessarily crossed any boundaries yet but you should brace yourself for the possibility that someone has caught his interest and it triggered him to finally bite the bullet and be honest with you about his real desires. 

[Weezy1973]

Could he actually be gay and not bi? I remember reading a study on bisexuality where the researchers showed provocative photos of men and women to both men and women that were bi. The bulk of both the men and women responded physiologically (got turn on by) pictures of men. Meaning most of the men claiming to be bi were gay and women claiming to be bi were straight. At least physically. There’s a lot of mental aspects to sexuality as well.

[stillafool]

Obviously your husband is at a point where he doesn't just want to date men but have a relationship with one, maybe even live together.  He may have already met someone he is interested in.  If he just wanted to sneak around and see men he could already do that since you don't have a problem with it anyway.

[mark clemson]

20 hours ago, Kitkatz31 said:

I love him with all my being and if there is any chance are marriage can work if we work through these changes then that is what I want. 

I think you've getting many good perspectives above, all of which will hopefully be helpful.

Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Not to be mean, but you should understand that you might start to feel differently if/when you're sitting home alone while he's gallivanting  around with gay lovers. Then he shows up home and wants to head for bed. Kiss goodnight? Awkward x 1000 IMO.

I'm projecting here, but to me this sounds like it could/would be a marriage where your needs either aren't met or they are placed at a very far back second. I'm not sure I would accept such a situation.

I think you should consider how much of this is love and how much of it might be insecurity/fear of being alone and a desire to avoid all the disruption that comes with ending a marriage. IF you get to the point where you feel like leaving might be best, but you're afraid to, etc, seeing an IC to help you feel more secure might be something to consider.