What does this social media post mean?

[zincmagnesium8]

Just some context, broke up with my ex a couple of months ago because I lost trust in her. It was tough at the start, but it's been getting easier. I think about her every day, but usually just briefly. I start to think I miss her, but then realise how things weren't as good as I thought they were and that she treated me badly. I've no intention of getting back with her, and she probably has no desire to either. 

Why I'm making a post is because my friend told me she posted something on social media that made me curious. I've blocked her (not out of hatred or anything, but just to get over her) so am not able to view any of her content. She put up a story of a meme saying "remember that ex you thought you were going to marry? Let's all laugh together".

I think I'm the only ex she's ever had so I figure it's about me. I'm not really sure what it means though. Does it mean that she's laughing that she had serious thoughts about me and now she realises how wrong she was? 

It's not going to affect me in the short term as I've no interest in pursuing anything again with her. But in the future if we were to start talking again it would be good to know if she was completely over me and could be friends. 

I know you'll tell me she's an ex and you shouldn't care, but I can't help but wonder where her head is right now and if she has fully moved on. Call it morbid curiosity if you will! 

[ExpatInItaly]

19 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

She put up a story of a meme saying "remember that ex you thought you were going to marry? Let's all laugh together".

I think I'm the only ex she's ever had so I figure it's about me. I'm not really sure what it means though. Does it mean that she's laughing that she had serious thoughts about me and now she realises how wrong she was? 

Probably, yes. Or she might be trying to crack jokes for views, likes, and what not.

She likely isn't giving it as much thought as you are, though. 

[zincmagnesium8]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Probably, yes. Or she might be trying to crack jokes for views, likes, and what not.

She likely isn't giving it as much thought as you are, though. 

Possibly. Thought it could also be that she was still upset about the breakup as there's an image of someone putting their glass up in a toast kind of position. As in drink and laugh away your problems. 

Probably silly asking what it means as she is the only one who truly knows, but felt I had to say it to someone because it was bugging me! 

[ExpatInItaly]

29 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

Possibly. Thought it could also be that she was still upset about the breakup as there's an image of someone putting their glass up in a toast kind of position. As in drink and laugh away your problems. 

Probably silly asking what it means as she is the only one who truly knows, but felt I had to say it to someone because it was bugging me! 

What bugs you about it, exactly?

Are you hoping that she does want you back? 

You're applying too much meaning to a random meme, but it's worth examining why. 

[AIJ]

There's no point in blocking her if your friends are feeding you information about what she posts. As for what it means, she's probably just having a bit of a bitter moment whilst reflecting on your relationship. It happens. Don't think too much into it. Everyone has those fleeting thoughts of an ex, whether it be positive or negative, then an hour later you've forgotten they exist again. I'd advise you to tell your friends to stop feeding you the information, it doesn't do anyone any good. 

[DarrenB]

Classic case of over-analyzing.

You being unsure if you are her only ex at her age of 30 is a pretty bold assumption to make in this case. That post could literally be regarding ANYONE she's had an association with, you'll never know... but that's a good thing.

Pining over an ex and thinking about the 'what ifs', 'if this was different we'd have the white picket fence, the pets' is and has prolonged your healing process.

At this point in time there is nothing to salvage here, regardless of potential future communications or not. Leave it at that, for your own sanity.

[kendahke]

4 hours ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

I think I'm the only ex she's ever had so I figure it's about me.

More than likely, it wasn't about you--it was probably about someone more recent that your friends and you don't know about.

Besides, what difference does it make who it's about when you yourself said:

Quote

(I) then realise how things weren't as good as I thought they were and that she treated me badly. I've no intention of getting back with her

It's not going to affect me in the short term as I've no interest in pursuing anything again with her.

Do yourself a favor and stop having your friends creep her social media and tell on her to you.

Edited September 20, 2020 by kendahke

[LivingWaterPlease]

Agree with Kendahke.  Most likely it wasn't about you and your friends shouldn't be spying on her and telling you what they've found.

After I'd been broken up with my last bf a couple months I posted a meme that had nothing to do with him. In fact, it was triggered by an unrelated situation I knew about. More than that, though, I just liked the quote.

My ex poured his heart out in grief under the meme (I know you won't do that, obviously you don't even have feelings at this point and have the good sense not to do it) trying to qualify why he felt rejected. 

It hadn't even occurred to me he'd think the meme was about him! It also was creepy to me to think that he thought I'd be posting on FB about him two months after our break up! And that he was checking out my page, too. Yikes! 

 

Edited September 21, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease

[zincmagnesium8]

20 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What bugs you about it, exactly?

Are you hoping that she does want you back? 

You're applying too much meaning to a random meme, but it's worth examining why. 

I think deep down I am hoping she wants me back. I've been back on Tinder and because I live in a small town, I've not had any luck with finding someone worth dating. In fact I've run out of people to swipe on! Now my mind has been drifting back to my relationship with her and it's been getting me down.

I still miss her (or maybe just the idea of being with her), but realise she did too much damage to our relationship that it's beyond repair, at least in the short and medium term. But the idea that she might be over me is making me even more sorry for myself, amplified by not having any luck on the dating scene.

17 hours ago, AIJ said:

There's no point in blocking her if your friends are feeding you information about what she posts. As for what it means, she's probably just having a bit of a bitter moment whilst reflecting on your relationship. It happens. Don't think too much into it. Everyone has those fleeting thoughts of an ex, whether it be positive or negative, then an hour later you've forgotten they exist again. I'd advise you to tell your friends to stop feeding you the information, it doesn't do anyone any good. 

I'll be honest and say that I asked my friend if she had posted anything. I had a lot of free time lately and my mind started drifting, wondering what she is up to. I've found when I'm idle, like driving for hours in a car on my own, I start to think about her. It's always thoughts of what could have been, then immediately regret because of how she messed things up.

8 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Agree with Kendahke.  Most likely it wasn't about you and your friends shouldn't be spying on her and telling you what they've found.

After I'd been broken up with my last bf a couple months I posted a meme that had nothing to do with him. In fact, it was triggered by an unrelated situation I knew about. More than that, though, I just liked the quote.

My ex poured his heart out in grief under the meme (I know you won't do that, obviously you don't even have feelings at this point and have the good sense not to do it) trying to qualify why he felt rejected. 

It hadn't even occurred to me he'd think the meme was about him! It also was creepy to me to think that he thought I'd be posting on FB about him two months after our break up! And that he was checking out my page, too. Yikes! 

 

I do still have feelings, but I'm not sure if they are for her or if I'm just missing having someone in my life. As I say above, I've gone back on the dating scene being pretty optimistic but I've fallen flat on my face. I'm sure I'm reading way too much into what she posted, but it's hard not to when you've nothing else to think about!

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. I know she's wrong for me and getting back with her is out of the question, but I can't help but feel down about her moving on even though that's what I'm trying to do as well.

[Goodguy05]

On 9/22/2020 at 12:35 AM, zincmagnesium8 said:

I think deep down I am hoping she wants me back. I've been back on Tinder and because I live in a small town, I've not had any luck with finding someone worth dating. In fact I've run out of people to swipe on! Now my mind has been drifting back to my relationship with her and it's been getting me down.

I still miss her (or maybe just the idea of being with her), but realise she did too much damage to our relationship that it's beyond repair, at least in the short and medium term. But the idea that she might be over me is making me even more sorry for myself, amplified by not having any luck on the dating scene.

I'll be honest and say that I asked my friend if she had posted anything. I had a lot of free time lately and my mind started drifting, wondering what she is up to. I've found when I'm idle, like driving for hours in a car on my own, I start to think about her. It's always thoughts of what could have been, then immediately regret because of how she messed things up.

I do still have feelings, but I'm not sure if they are for her or if I'm just missing having someone in my life. As I say above, I've gone back on the dating scene being pretty optimistic but I've fallen flat on my face. I'm sure I'm reading way too much into what she posted, but it's hard not to when you've nothing else to think about!

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. I know she's wrong for me and getting back with her is out of the question, but I can't help but feel down about her moving on even though that's what I'm trying to do as well.

What most don't say on here is this is normal to feel like this I felt the same still do to some extent yrs down the Rd your grieving the loss that is completely normal. Your heart at the moment needs some tlc. 

[Goodguy05]

Me personally I think that post was about you her way of dealing with the loss and break up 

 

Pretending those feelings your feeling don't exist or trying to bury em is not a good idea will only prolong the healing those feelings will still be there even if you try and forget 

Edited September 23, 2020 by Goodguy05

[Wiseman2]

She and her friends can see you on tinder and that reduces your value.

[elaine567]

On 9/20/2020 at 6:05 PM, zincmagnesium8 said:

She put up a story of a meme saying "remember that ex you thought you were going to marry? Let's all laugh together".

On 9/20/2020 at 6:05 PM, zincmagnesium8 said:

Does it mean that she's laughing that she had serious thoughts about me and now she realises how wrong she was? 

Yes.
The meme is one of those "I am so glad my ex is not in my life any more, how about you ladies?" type memes, designed to get support from others who feel the same and to give a huge dig to the ex. She is saying "How on earth did I ever think that loser was someone I wanted to marry?"
It is bravado.
How she really feels is uncertain. 
You dumped her, so she may be sad, or bitter or angry or just over it and doesn't now give a damn, hard to say.

[zincmagnesium8]

15 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

What most don't say on here is this is normal to feel like this I felt the same still do to some extent yrs down the Rd your grieving the loss that is completely normal. Your heart at the moment needs some tlc. 

I'm glad to hear that. I wasn't sure if I was losing my mind and thinking about this too much.

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

She and her friends can see you on tinder and that reduces your value.

What do you mean by this? I only recently (last week) reinstalled Tinder. She is on it as well but do you think her social media post was a reaction to it and she thinks even less of me now? Not that it should have any impact on me, but I can't help but wonder.

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Yes.
The meme is one of those "I am so glad my ex is not in my life any more, how about you ladies?" type memes, designed to get support from others who feel the same and to give a huge dig to the ex. She is saying "How on earth did I ever think that loser was someone I wanted to marry?"
It is bravado.
How she really feels is uncertain. 
You dumped her, so she may be sad, or bitter or angry or just over it and doesn't now give a damn, hard to say.

Oh I get it now. I guess it could be like how I'm feeling now, trying to tell myself my ex was wrong for me. Except she is doing it publicly!

I know it doesn't warrant thinking about but it's hard not to. I might uninstall Tinder as I don't think my mind is in the right place for dating right now. And how she might feel about me is irrelevant. The only true sign she isn't over me is if she reaches out to me which is highly unlikely and I can live with that.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

What do you mean by this? I only recently (last week) reinstalled Tinder. She is on it as well but do you think her social media post was a reaction to it and she thinks even less of me now? Not that it should have any impact on me, but I can't help but wonder.

I think she happened to stumble across a silly meme and posted it. 

In all likelihood, she wasn't analyzing the different ways the wording could be interpreted or what the background image symbolized. She probably say it, thought, "haha, funny, we've all been there" and posted it. 

You're reading way too much into something that is fairly meaningless, in the grand scheme of things. It's wasted mental energy on your part, zinc. 

[zincmagnesium8]

She also posted another social media post which I can only assume is related to our relationship (sorry I couldn't help but sneak a peak). 

It was along the lines of "I'm sorry they couldn't see the good in you but that is no reason for you to no longer see the good in yourself".

This makes me kind of sad because I think deep down she was well meaning but unintentionally screwed everything up.

I suppose if she was really missing me she would have matched with me on Tinder, but that hasn't happened so maybe it is all bravado as was mentioned before.

I'm always reading into things too much, but I can't help it because deep down I still miss what we had.

[ExpatInItaly]

What you need to keep in mind is that many people post things like this simply for attention. 

They want likes, comments, proverbial pats on the back - it's often more about their ego and using social media to validate it rather than having much deeper meaning behind the post itself. 

[zincmagnesium8]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What you need to keep in mind is that many people post things like this simply for attention. 

They want likes, comments, proverbial pats on the back - it's often more about their ego and using social media to validate it rather than having much deeper meaning behind the post itself. 

You're totally right. This is exactly like her. Always posting things for attention and one of the negative traits I've tried to focus on post breakup.

I don't know why I'm reading so much into these particular ones. I was doing so well by blocking her on social media and ignoring everything, but then I got a moment of loneliness and asked my friend if she was posting anything. Now I find myself checking her social media continually. I need to break the habit... again.

[kendahke]

30 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

I'm always reading into things too much, but I can't help it because deep down I still miss what we had.

No, you can help it--you just don't want to stop trying to find some form of connection where none actually exists anymore. At least, don't lie to yourself.

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

It was along the lines of "I'm sorry they couldn't see the good in you but that is no reason for you to no longer see the good in yourself".

It may be best to stop scanning her social media. This sounds like the typical affirmation stuff people post on social media. As hard to read as tea leaves. Don't make yourself crazy over social media memes.

[zincmagnesium8]

17 minutes ago, kendahke said:

No, you can help it--you just don't want to stop trying to find some form of connection where none actually exists anymore. At least, don't lie to yourself.

I don't mean it literally. Of course I can stop if I put my mind to it! It's just not easy.

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It may be best to stop scanning her social media. This sounds like the typical affirmation stuff people post on social media. As hard to read as tea leaves. Don't make yourself crazy over social media memes.

Yes, that's the plan. I think it's come about because I've had a lot of free time the past two weeks and got bored. My mind wandered and got me curious about what she was up to. I've been able to block her out of my life for a few weeks already, no reason why I can't do it again and hopefully until I'm fully over her.

[elaine567]

40 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

I suppose if she was really missing me she would have matched with me on Tinder, but that hasn't happened

That was never going to happen as you dumped her, so it is up to you to initiate any moves to reconcile.
She was never going to match you on Tinder as she would be risking you rejecting her again.
Going on Tinder showed her you were moving on, there is no way she would interfere with that.
If she dumped you, then she may have matched with you but as the dumpee no way... 

[zincmagnesium8]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

That was never going to happen as you dumped her, so it is up to you to initiate any moves to reconcile.
She was never going to match you on Tinder as she would be risking you rejecting her again.
Going on Tinder showed her you were moving on, there is no way she would interfere with that.
If she dumped you, then she may have matched with you but as the dumpee no way... 

I never thought of it like that. It's a long story but the way I left things was that she would have to reach out to me if we were ever to reconcile (even as friends). In all honesty it felt like I was the one who was dumped, even though I made the decision. It was the last thing I wanted but felt she forced my hand. To her I'm probably the a**hole in this story, even though she was the one who lied to me.

Things would be so much easier if one or the other no longer had any feelings and just ended things that way!

[Hpchic]

On 9/22/2020 at 11:22 PM, Goodguy05 said:

What most don't say on here is this is normal to feel like this I felt the same still do to some extent yrs down the Rd your grieving the loss that is completely normal. Your heart at the moment needs some tlc. 

Agreed! Sometimes I feel—while the responses are well intentioned—we forget that these feelings are normal, and it’s ok to feel like you want your ex to miss you at times.  It’s also ok to still have feelings for your ex a few months after a breakup or even a year if that’s how long it takes.  To me, if you can totally get over an ex in two months, you didn’t have much a of a relationship, or the relationship was long over before the actual breakup.  So don’t feel ashamed for still having feelings for her.  And yes, asking your friends what she’s posted on social media is not the best idea, but I also think you’re only human and most of us had these type of slip ups as well.  
 

As for the meme she posted, who knows? Personally, I think as long as the relationship was decent both parties will still miss each other at times, so whether or not that post is about you nobody knows, but I would rest assured that she has and still does at times miss you.  However don’t confuse missing someone with wanting to get back together.  

[Hpchic]

On 9/23/2020 at 4:29 PM, elaine567 said:

That was never going to happen as you dumped her, so it is up to you to initiate any moves to reconcile.
She was never going to match you on Tinder as she would be risking you rejecting her again.
Going on Tinder showed her you were moving on, there is no way she would interfere with that.
If she dumped you, then she may have matched with you but as the dumpee no way... 

I believe the OP had reached out to her after the breakup, and the ball was sort of left in her court.