ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 On 9/23/2020 at 10:41 PM, zincmagnesium8 said: it felt like I was the one who was dumped, even though I made the decision. It was the last thing I wanted but felt she forced my hand. To her I'm probably the a**hole in this story, even though she was the one who lied to me. What did she lie about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 4, 2020 Author Share Posted October 4, 2020 Sorry for the late response. I didn't think anyone else was going to reply after my last post. I'll try to give you an honest answer to the below, but I have been twisting small pieces of the story because I am worried that someone (or she) might figure out it's me on this forum (but I understand how unlikely that is, I'm still cautious!). Apologies if it doesn't tally with what I said before word for word. On 9/25/2020 at 6:10 AM, Hpchic said: I believe the OP had reached out to her after the breakup, and the ball was sort of left in her court. I left her with a message essentially saying that we shouldn't keep in contact, at least for a short while. I also said I wouldn't message her first because I didn't want to get hurt if she was no longer interested in me. I also said I wasn't sure when or if I would forgive her. I'm not sure who's court the ball is in because she hasn't messaged me at all, but maybe that's because she thinks I will never forgive her. I'll admit that I have since added her back on social media. She accepted my request and started following me in return. She's been watching my stories, but is still hiding her stories from me. I know there's no point in trying to interpret what that means. I have also been very tempted to reach out to her to see how she is. I still very much have feelings for her despite everything. On 9/25/2020 at 9:48 AM, ExpatInItaly said: What did she lie about? Without getting into all the details, she drunkenly kissed a guy early in our relationship and I found out much later. I asked her about it and she lied to me about it. I wasn't upset about the kiss itself, but the lying to me about it when confronted really bothered me. I didn't even approach her in a accusational manner. It was more like "I found out about what you did. I understand how it might have happened." But was just faced with denial. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 (edited) Why would you even think about reconciling? You're going to leave yourself prone to the same exact thing happening again, and again, and again... she went behind your back and hid it from you for God knows how long and you're still considering all of this? please have some self-respect, don't make yourself out to be a complete pushover. Edited October 4, 2020 by DarrenB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 4, 2020 Author Share Posted October 4, 2020 39 minutes ago, DarrenB said: Why would you even think about reconciling? You're going to leave yourself prone to the same exact thing happening again, and again, and again... she went behind your back and hid it from you for God knows how long and you're still considering all of this? please have some self-respect, don't make yourself out to be a complete pushover. I think because I believe that people make mistakes. I know I'm not perfect. I have lied in the past for my own benefit or with the belief that it was the only option available, as have most people. I don't believe myself to be a pushover at all. I broke up with her as soon as it happened. I am not being coerced back into a relationship by her and these are my own thoughts. I fear that I am throwing away a potentially long and happy relationship because of a single incident. One lapse. And who's to say it will happen again? It very well might, just as it might in a lot of seemingly happy relationships, but there's no way to know. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 5 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said: I think because I believe that people make mistakes. I know I'm not perfect. I have lied in the past for my own benefit or with the belief that it was the only option available, as have most people. I don't believe myself to be a pushover at all. I broke up with her as soon as it happened. I am not being coerced back into a relationship by her and these are my own thoughts. I fear that I am throwing away a potentially long and happy relationship because of a single incident. One lapse. And who's to say it will happen again? It very well might, just as it might in a lot of seemingly happy relationships, but there's no way to know. If that's your thought process, then of course so be it. However, if you're back here in a couple days, weeks, months regarding the same or similar issue then we'll know why. Best of luck anyhow Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 4, 2020 Author Share Posted October 4, 2020 6 minutes ago, DarrenB said: If that's your thought process, then of course so be it. However, if you're back here in a couple days, weeks, months regarding the same or similar issue then we'll know why. Best of luck anyhow Yes, there is a risk and I'm aware of it. It could disastrously wrong, but at the same time I don't want to live a life of what-ifs. I will always be wondering if it could have worked out. If she has no interest in rekindling things then that's the decision made. I won't have any what-ifs then. I'm starting to veer towards the idea of better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all! Thanks for your well wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 14, 2020 Share Posted October 14, 2020 Why are you still looking at her social media? I always think about an ex until I move on to another relationship, but it would be so much harder if I had any idea what he was up to, what he was posting online. Ignorance is bliss. What you're feeling is very normal. With the cooler weather I've been missing cuddles and my mind is kinda fixated on those memories, as our cuddles and affection were always really good. But I know all this will pass as soon as I move on to dating someone else. I'm waiting to reach a personal goal till I date again, so for now I just have to be strong and stoic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 15, 2020 Author Share Posted October 15, 2020 Sorry I created a separate thread in the second chances forum where I was looking to reconcile. Since then she has unblocked me from social media (randomly a few days after we started speaking again). I think it was so that she could show off her body after months of hard work because her story that day was showing her before and after pictures with very revealing clothing. Maybe it's her trying to rub it in, showing me what I'm missing! I could speculate all day long but would be no closer to the true answer. Sometimes I think it would be better if I was off social media altogether! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 37 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said: Sometimes I think it would be better if I was off social media altogether! Yes, you would. it is why NC is recommended and works so well to protect your well being. It allows space and time for healing to occur without opening old wounds again and again. Link to post Share on other sites
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