How to play it

[tokidoki]

I was at a friends’ house a few weeks back, she was giving me the grand tour. In her room she had pics of her friends and i pointed to one and said ‘who’s that!?’ pointing at a v pretty girl. She said she was single (just got dumped by a cokehead cos she didnt do coke, lol). My friend then said she’s set us up, and invited me to dinner a few weeks later.

 

so this dinner was last night. I was the first one there and this girl arrived straight after. There was total 10 people there, 2 couples, 3 single guys n 3 single girls. We were standing in a group talking, and from the very get go she was being slightly standoffish with me, and a little contentious when she did speak, but not totally unfriendly (I feel I was singled out for this kinda thing) She seemed very gregarious and interesting.

I was sat diagonally across from this girl. She kept this behaviour up for most of the night, a little reluctant to talk one on one. She was sat next to another guy who I know. They seemed to be getting on well, til he misremembered her name, lol. At one point I stood up to go to the toilet and she said ‘you’re not leaving already are you?’ (Totally seriously), and i also caught her stealing glances a few times.

I’m not a bad looking person and I have a comfortable, confident energy. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but this girl was making it difficult for me to connect with her seemingly on purpose. I think I did a good job of not playing along or trying to get her attention, but just generally being myself at the table.
 

I spoke to my friend the next day and said i thought she was very beautiful that it almost made me a little nervous (in reality it was her ambiguous behaviour, probably the exact intention). She said she’d do some digging next time she sees her.

I was interested enough in this girl to ask her on a date, but not sure how to play it. I added her on IG as a little ‘hint of interest’ if you like. She accepted it, followed me back. Obvi that means nothing in real terms but reckon it’s douchey to just strike up a convo? Could just wait to see if my friend talks to her and get feedback but that seems a bit adolescent, and fortune favours the bold. 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, davidsonramirez said:

I added her on IG as a little ‘hint of interest’ if you like. She accepted it, followed me back. 

Like/follow a few items, then chat and casually mention if she would like to get some coffee. Keep it low key so you can get a read on things.

[tokidoki]

hmm - feel like all or nothing tbh. Could just ask if she wants to go for a drink - can save all the chat for that. She's met me now. She should have enough to go on. 

 

Hey, It was nice to meet you the other night. Would you like to go for a drink?

 

If she says yes, gr8, if not, move on. Nah?

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, davidsonramirez said:

hmm - feel like all or nothing tbh. Could just ask if she wants to go for a drink - can save all the chat for that. She's met me now. She should have enough to go on. 

 

Hey, It was nice to meet you the other night. Would you like to go for a drink?

 

If she says yes, gr8, if not, move on. Nah?

Yeah, why not?

[schlumpy]

11 hours ago, davidsonramirez said:

I’m not a bad looking person and I have a comfortable, confident energy. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but this girl was making it difficult for me to connect with her seemingly on purpose. I think I did a good job of not playing along or trying to get her attention, but just generally being myself at the table.

I'm not sensing that comfortable, confident energy you spoke of.

Instead I'm seeing the normal reactions of two people who were aware of why they were invited to this party sizing each other up.

You have seen her. Decide if you like what you see. Ask her out and do something that requires her to engage in a real conversation with you.

Don't let your friend run interference for you.

 

[tokidoki]

Yeah I suppose it doesnt come accross. What validation i do need, I get on loveshack

[LivingWaterPlease]

davidsonramirez, seems to me the lady asking if you were leaving when you got up to go to the bathroom was a good sign.  Sitting around a table with a group of people, it's not easy to always evaluate the interest of someone you've just met. Pretty normal to be left wondering, IMO. Also, she may have been a little nervous to talk with you, too. Keep in mind she's just gotten out of a relationship so may not be emotionally available. That's not to say 'don't ask her out.' Just don't maybe expect the chemistry to be what it might be had she been single awhile. She may need a little healing time so maybe think about taking it slow if need be. Play it by ear.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, davidsonramirez said:

hmm - feel like all or nothing tbh. Could just ask if she wants to go for a drink - can save all the chat for that. She's met me now. She should have enough to go on. 

 

Hey, It was nice to meet you the other night. Would you like to go for a drink?

 

If she says yes, gr8, if not, move on. Nah?

You might as well, sure. 

 

[tokidoki]

2 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

davidsonramirez, seems to me the lady asking if you were leaving when you got up to go to the bathroom was a good sign.  Sitting around a table with a group of people, it's not easy to always evaluate the interest of someone you've just met. Pretty normal to be left wondering, IMO. Also, she may have been a little nervous to talk with you, too. Keep in mind she's just gotten out of a relationship so may not be emotionally available. That's not to say 'don't ask her out.' Just don't maybe expect the chemistry to be what it might be had she been single awhile. She may need a little healing time so maybe think about taking it slow if need be. Play it by ear.

yes, fair but she was at a dinner party where the proviso was to be 'set up'.

[Mystery4u]

Are you in high school or something?

'Hey let's grab dinner together next week just the two of us?'

So simple.

[ShyViolet]

Just ask her on a proper date and see what she says.  You have nothing to lose.  Don't have your friend "find out" for you, that is childish.  You're not in middle school.

[tokidoki]

Yeah that's what I reckon. Just that I didn't have her number, and I didn't ask my mate to 'find out' for me. That's just something she said she'd do. Just wondering if asking for a date over IG is weird lol

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

32 minutes ago, davidsonramirez said:

Yeah that's what I reckon. Just that I didn't have her number, and I didn't ask my mate to 'find out' for me. That's just something she said she'd do. Just wondering if asking for a date over IG is weird lol

 

Ask for her number over IG then, and call and ask for the date.

[Fletch Lives]

You should have asked her for her phone number at the party

[tokidoki]

24 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

You should have asked her for her phone number at the party

Yeah I would have. Just one of those things where the opportunity/right moment didn't arise. As I say, she was acting a bit aloof.

[Fletch Lives]

 

Well, it's not really a problem here since it was a set up by a friend. If she likes you, her friend will give you the number.

[Lotsgoingon]

I actually would back away based on her distance at the party.

First of all, I'd be hesitant when I heard she had dated a cokehead. Don't give that a pass. Not saying you totally rule her out, but in my experience, it's so easy for the guy in your position to say, "I'm not a cokehead, so I should impress her." The problem is lots of people are genuinely attracted to the likes of cokeheads--if not to cokeheads specifically then to others who create chaos. 

And then the way she acted at the party, I wouldn't consider that any sign of interest on her part. Look, lots of people get invited to events to get "set up." People handle that well. I mean, often the two people don't really connect in person--though a friend though they had lots of similarities. But I've never encountered people deliberately being distant and cold based on being "set up." You want someone confident and secure enough to relax and be herself and let what happens happen.

The comment as you got up to go to the bathroom, I don't like that. Either a person pays attention and engages you or they don't. But being distant and then mounting a fake protest when you're about to leave--that's so hot and cold. Hot and cold people always disappoint.

And it wasn't just that she was distant from you. You don't seem to have liked her energy when she was talking to others. I see no reason to pursue. But go for it, if you want. You're likely to encounter more hot and cold. But go for it and report back.

[JRabbit]

I always recommend to not add people you are interested in social media. Now you can see each others everything, when they are online last etc and it changes expectations for text replies and what not.  Since you have already added her, message her on ig for her number and if she gives it either call or text and ask her out. None of the "hang out sometime" messages though LOL be direct.

[tokidoki]

 

14 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

And then the way she acted at the party, I wouldn't consider that any sign of interest on her part. Look, lots of people get invited to events to get "set up." People handle that well. I mean, often the two people don't really connect in person--though a friend though they had lots of similarities. But I've never encountered people deliberately being distant and cold based on being "set up." You want someone confident and secure enough to relax and be herself and let what happens happen.

The comment as you got up to go to the bathroom, I don't like that. Either a person pays attention and engages you or they don't. But being distant and then mounting a fake protest when you're about to leave--that's so hot and cold. Hot and cold people always disappoint.

And it wasn't just that she was distant from you. You don't seem to have liked her energy when she was talking to others. I see no reason to pursue. But go for it, if you want. You're likely to encounter more hot and cold. But go for it and report back.

Hmm yeh i think you're right. Although there was no reason to be actively uninterested, which is how she seemed to be...It's confusing. Possibly a case of 'this guy probably expects me to flirt with him so I'm not going to'.

I've had enough of confusing women this year and tbh I think I'm just focussing on this one cos I'm single and bored. Not actually much about her that I liked apart from her looks and her 7/10 sense of humour. 

Nothing lost, nothing gained.

[Wiseman2]

If you want to ask her out,go ahead. Are you really just bored or so shy that you are playing sour grapes?

[tokidoki]

I sent her a message saying that I enjoyed meeting her and asking if she'd like to go for a drink. No read or response yet. That was yesterday afternoon.

No sour grapes. Not shy. But yes, I am very bored of being single so I'm just taking advantage of the opportunities that come my way. Would be nice to go for a drink with another good looking single person and see if we connect. It just seems in the world of dating, that it is never that simple. I'm not that sure we will though.

[Lotsgoingon]

OMG, her lack of response (maybe she has responded since) totally fits my sense of her: unpredictable, not consistent. Something ain't right. Dude, I don't care how bored you aren't playing with people like this woman never breaks boredom in a good way. 

[Trail Blazer]

3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

OMG, her lack of response (maybe she has responded since) totally fits my sense of her: unpredictable, not consistent. Something ain't right. Dude, I don't care how bored you aren't playing with people like this woman never breaks boredom in a good way. 

Agreed.  Although I'd probably do as OP has done and angled for a date, I wouldn't be too hopeful of something meaningful coming about from it.  Usually people who are cold and standoffish have other things going on, or they're simply not interested.