My friend of 3 years talked about how she has no friends in her life

[JohnGoober]

I moved to a new country around 3 years ago and started to become anxious about meeting new people. I started looking up videos on social anxiety to relate to and came across a Youtuber who also faced severe social anxiety. Turns out, she lived in the same city. We started talking every day and after a year, we met in person. We were completely open with each other about our issues, it was comforting to be able to be myself and I suppose she felt the same. She mentioned she never had many friends throughout her life and never been out much. We started to hang out, go to movies, brunch once in a while ( I was always the one to make plans). She said she loved to hang out with me and always said yes. It made me happy talking as she genuinely showed interest in listening. We talked almost daily. I thought I gained a new best friend.

From the past few months even before covid she started to talk less. It was always me initiating the conversations, making plans to hang out. My life started to get busy and I noticed if I didn’t talk to her, there was nothing from her. Sometimes it would go on 2-3 weeks. The longest was 1.5 months but she did contact me so I asked her if she is interested in catching up, we went to an island and had a good day. After that, its silence again.

Sometimes, I think its silly thinking about who initiates the conversation. If I have anything to share or send a funny meme, I send it to her. Lately, my life is even busier with 50+ hours of work a week. She even forgot my birthday and it felt quite lonely as she always wished for the past few years. I felt a bit sad but I brushed it off. I have tried asking her if everything is okay to which she did say yes. I have other friends as well but I can never completely open up with them the way I do with her. The last time I spoke to her was 3 weeks ago asking her if she wants to go on a trek, she did say yes but later told me she was busy that day.

I assumed she must be having a busy life. Then I see a youtube video where she talks about having no friends in her life. I don’t understand, I thought I was her friend and supported her. The fact that she does not even acknowledge anything is making me question whether I should continue this or not.

[TheEternalPessimist]

What do you have in mind going forward? Are you considering ending the frinedship altogether? I would really like to watch that video, if possible.

I will say, I find that quite insulting towards you and quite hypocritical for her to hang out and then go online to complain about not having any friends. She should be more grateful than that especially if you've gone out of her way to make her feel happy and accepted as you seemed to have done. 

[d0nnivain]

10 hours ago, JohnGoober said:

Then I see a youtube video where she talks about having no friends in her life. I don’t understand, I thought I was her friend and supported her. The fact that she does not even acknowledge anything is making me question whether I should continue this or not.

I would put a LOT of distance in here.  If she calls you & it's fun for you to chat catch up, great but other then sending good wishes at the holidays I would back off. 

She is a martyr who likes crying whoa is me.  She enjoys the attention that brings her.  Your friendship requires effort on her part which she doesn't want.  She simply wants to wallow. 

[Wiseman2]

Were you dating or just friends?