He likes provocative photos of girls

[leanoa]

Hi guys! I would like to know your opinion, how you would react in the situation below, and if I am overreacting. 
I know that mixing social media with relationship is kind of childish sometimes but things went this way. 
My boyfriend had about 900 followers on instagram, most of them were pages +18 or provocative girls profiles. I have to mention though that these were accounts who followed him, he wasn't following any of them back. I told him 2-3 times that I didn't like this fact and he did nothing, he said "they are following me, not me them and it is not that you are uncomfortable with that, it is just you don't want other people to see that +18 accounts follow me". 
I never mentioned this anymore until we had an argument because he got jealous about something (can't remember what and why exactly) and I mentioned his followers so he removed all of them, he reduced them from 900 to 400 and told me " I did that to show you that I care only for you, I don't care for them" (Btw he knows that I have had low self esteem and he notices that it is not fully recovered. That is why I wonder why he did nothing for followers or likes when he knew I had a problem with that. Anyway this is something else, I don't really want to talk about it right now because the matter is on another point)

Anyways he keeps liking models' pictures, singers actors etc, but that is totally fine for me as long as he also likes famous males' pictures ans not only provocative pictures of models,  as well as the fact that he makes me feel comfortable, he says it everyday how pretty or sexy or attractive I am. So I was totally fine for him to like these pictures. 
Today I found out 5-6 instagram accounts (probably there are more) that he doesn't follow back but he has liked some of their photos and what made everything worse, one of these account was a girl on underwear or lingerie (not famous, or model), she had 6 posts and he has liked all of them. I find it disrespectful and offensive if my boyfriend likes pictures of other random girls on underwear on instagram. 
I would really want to know your opinion and what would you do? Am I overreacting or is it something that has to do with my self esteem?

Thank you for your time
 

[mortensorchid]

You show me one man who doesn't look at provocative pictures of women either online or in print and I will be surprised.  When you say they are girls do you mean they are 18 year old or actual adult women?  I was talking to one of my FWBs a while back and he said his brother (who's in his 40s) looks at young girls online but he (at age 55) said he likes more adult women - he's 10 years older than me and said even though I may look like I am in my 20s still he said he would feel stupid if I was actually in my 20s.  But I digress.  Is he looking at young girls?  How old is he?  If he's 30+ and the girls are 18ish I'd be concerned. 

But still, he was doing it before he met you and as long as he's not doing anything shady don't worry about it.  Men know it's okay to look but not touch.

[leanoa]

13 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

You show me one man who doesn't look at provocative pictures of women either online or in print and I will be surprised.  When you say they are girls do you mean they are 18 year old or actual adult women?  I was talking to one of my FWBs a while back and he said his brother (who's in his 40s) looks at young girls online but he (at age 55) said he likes more adult women - he's 10 years older than me and said even though I may look like I am in my 20s still he said he would feel stupid if I was actually in my 20s.  But I digress.  Is he looking at young girls?  How old is he?  If he's 30+ and the girls are 18ish I'd be concerned. 

But still, he was doing it before he met you and as long as he's not doing anything shady don't worry about it.  Men know it's okay to look but not touch.

He is 27 and they are adults, probably at 20s. As I said it is totally fine if he likes models or famous girls even on provocative photos, but liking a random girl on lingerie showing her private parts.. it seems like he is not respecting me and my feelings. He gets jealous if I have to do a project with my male colleagues, but it is ok for him to like other girls on lingerie??? 
And what does it mean he was doing it before he met me? Now he is with me. Should he continue doing it? I used to text and flirt with other guys before I met him, but this doesn't mean I should still be doing it, now I don't do it anymore. 
It feels like he is addicted to sex and attracted to everyone on provocative pictures

Edited September 22, 2020 by leanoa

[central]

The numbers seem excessive, but he has chosen to be with you.  Push this too hard and you'll probably lose him, but it may simply be that you're incompatible in your values and expectations.

[Trail Blazer]

I dunno, it all seems a little... odd?

It's a bit rich for him to get jealous of you doing work projects with male colleagues when he's obviously fine with liking random women's lingerie photos when you've made it clear to him that it bothers you.

In saying that, I'm not sure why you would care if others are following him, especially if he's not following them back.  I've got a few girls who follow me, most I follow back, too.  A lot of them like my content, which did concern my girlfriend in the beginning when we were dating.

How long have you guys been dating?  Do you post SM photos of each other?  The single biggest thing I did which allayed my girlfriend's concerns about some of the ladies (who are also exes) who follow me is when I started posting up selfies of us two together.  That was at about the six-month mark of our relationship.

 

[Fletch Lives]

You are normal, the majority of women don't like their boyfriends looking at other women or pictures of other women.

Put some bikini shots of you on your Instagram, and get some followers - let's see how he feels when the shoe is on the other foot. Perhaps he'll get the memo.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, leanoa said:

He is 27 and they are adults, probably at 20s. As I said it is totally fine if he likes models or famous girls even on provocative photos, but liking a random girl on lingerie showing her private parts..

Instagram doesn't even allow nipples....let alone private parts.   Is his habit bigger than Instagram now?

[leanoa]

2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

You are normal, the majority of women don't like their boyfriends looking at other women or pictures of other women.

Put some bikini shots of you on your Instagram, and get some followers - let's see how he feels when the shoe is on the other foot. Perhaps he'll get the memo.

He doesn't want me to post provocative photos, me neither. Bikini photos would be ok but it depends on how much provocative it is.  Furthermore I don't do many photos and don't post often

[leanoa]

3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

I dunno, it all seems a little... odd?

It's a bit rich for him to get jealous of you doing work projects with male colleagues when he's obviously fine with liking random women's lingerie photos when you've made it clear to him that it bothers you.

In saying that, I'm not sure why you would care if others are following him, especially if he's not following them back.  I've got a few girls who follow me, most I follow back, too.  A lot of them like my content, which did concern my girlfriend in the beginning when we were dating.

How long have you guys been dating?  Do you post SM photos of each other?  The single biggest thing I did which allayed my girlfriend's concerns about some of the ladies (who are also exes) who follow me is when I started posting up selfies of us two together.  That was at about the six-month mark of our relationship.

 

He posts storys of us all the time, one of them is on his highlights as well and actually it is a really cute and special couple photo. And this is next to his family photos. He says it always that he doesn't see me only as his girlfriend, he considers me being his wife one day. 

[leanoa]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Instagram doesn't even allow nipples....let alone private parts.   Is his habit bigger than Instagram now?

Well they are covered on lingerie or underwear so it is allowed. I don't know. I don't think his habit is bigger

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, leanoa said:

He posts storys of us all the time, one of them is on his highlights as well and actually it is a really cute and special couple photo. And this is next to his family photos. He says it always that he doesn't see me only as his girlfriend, he considers me being his wife one day. 

Right.  So, he sees you as his priority and wants to let the world know about it?  That's fantastic!  I wanted the world to know the girl I'm with is someone I love very much and am proud to be with.  He would feel the same and his actions reflect this.

I think both you and he have trust/jealousy issues you need to thrash out.  There's a lack of understanding about both perspectives. 

He's not committing a crime by having female orbiters liking his content (especially if he doesn't even follow them back), whilst you are so not doing anything wrong by working with fellow work colleagues on projects who just so happen to be male.

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, leanoa said:

He says it always that he doesn't see me only as his girlfriend, he considers me being his wife one day. 

He says that, but in reality he is still looking for other women.
He is making a specific study of checking out half naked women online and interacting with them.
He makes it awkward when you are working with your male colleagues yet he is spending his free time lusting after others...
Be careful, it sounds like he just tells you what you want to hear...His words and actions do not match up.

[ExpatInItaly]

I just find this sort of behaviour immature. 

Privately looking is one thing. However, obviously others can see who he follows/likes/whatnot.  To me, it's unbecoming of a man to have such little discretion. 

[Wiseman2]

How long have you been dating? Have you met in person?

[d0nnivain]

IMO social media & how people behave on it is BS. 

Men are visual creatures & the internet has made it easy for them to have access to pictures of pretty girls.  Back in the day would you have been upset it your BF subscribed to Playboy magazine, watched a show like Charlies Angels on TV or turned his head to watch an attractive woman when he was out alone & you didn't know?   All the internet does is let you track behavior that isn't meant for you to know.   It's tad tawdry but it's harmless. 

Your admitted low self esteem is driving you to be upset when there is nothing worth getting bent about.  He is looking at pictures & these people follow him.  In real life are you going to blow a gasket every time some random woman in public looks at your guy?  He has no control over who looks at him.  Yes, on the internet he's producing content that gets him all these followers but his desirability is not an affront to you.  Rather you need to be preening like a peacock, proud that he picked you to be his GF when clearly he has choices.  You need to relax.  

[leanoa]

22 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

IMO social media & how people behave on it is BS. 

Men are visual creatures & the internet has made it easy for them to have access to pictures of pretty girls.  Back in the day would you have been upset it your BF subscribed to Playboy magazine, watched a show like Charlies Angels on TV or turned his head to watch an attractive woman when he was out alone & you didn't know?   All the internet does is let you track behavior that isn't meant for you to know.   It's tad tawdry but it's harmless. 

Your admitted low self esteem is driving you to be upset when there is nothing worth getting bent about.  He is looking at pictures & these people follow him.  In real life are you going to blow a gasket every time some random woman in public looks at your guy?  He has no control over who looks at him.  Yes, on the internet he's producing content that gets him all these followers but his desirability is not an affront to you.  Rather you need to be preening like a peacock, proud that he picked you to be his GF when clearly he has choices.  You need to relax.  

Actually he is not producing any interestimg content. He has only 7 posts and they are not that special. Me personally wouldn't consider it an interesting content for a guy. Storys are not that special as well. So I think there is something else why these accounts are following him, not because of his content. He likes nearly everything and he gets follower requests and he confirms all. 

[leanoa]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

He says that, but in reality he is still looking for other women.
He is making a specific study of checking out half naked women online and interacting with them.
He makes it awkward when you are working with your male colleagues yet he is spending his free time lusting after others...
Be careful, it sounds like he just tells you what you want to hear...His words and actions do not match up.

Btw I noticed this morning that the pictures of the account with naked woman were posted before we were together, 6-7 months, so there is a chance he has liked them before being with me.

[elaine567]

He is getting followed by these women as he is just the guy with his tongue hanging out who is liking everything they post.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with his own value...

[d0nnivain]

29 minutes ago, leanoa said:

Actually he is not producing any interestimg content. He has only 7 posts and they are not that special. Me personally wouldn't consider it an interesting content for a guy. Storys are not that special as well. So I think there is something else why these accounts are following him, not because of his content. He likes nearly everything and he gets follower requests and he confirms all. 

So basically he trolls the internet for attractive women, he likes enough of their content that eventually they follow him?  

All in all it sounds like he has no life.  Why are you dating him then?  What makes him interesting in real life?  

I still don't see the connection between his fake dream world of the internet & how it affects your relationship with him?  The behavior you describe makes him sound desperate / lame/ useless but I fail to see how it's an affront to you.  I'm not trying to be snarky or demeaning here.  If you could see my face you would see my puzzled look.  It just makes zero sense to me & breaks my heart that people somehow think likes on a screen or # of followers is some kind of valid substitute for genuine friendship & real human interaction.  It sounds soooo lonely & empty. 

It's also unfair of you to be annoyed about things he did -- looking at naked pictures - before he met you.  

Edited September 22, 2020 by d0nnivain

[leanoa]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

So basically he trolls the internet for attractive women, he likes enough of their content that eventually they follow him?  

All in all it sounds like he has no life.  Why are you dating him then?  What makes him interesting in real life?  

I still don't see the connection between his fake dream world of the internet & how it affects your relationship with him?  The behavior you describe makes him sound desperate / lame/ useless but I fail to see how it's an affront to you.  I'm not trying to be snarky or demeaning here.  If you could see my face you would see my puzzled look.  It just makes zero sense to me & breaks my heart that people somehow think likes on a screen or # of followers is some kind of valid substitute for genuine friendship & real human interaction.  It sounds soooo lonely & empty. 

It's also unfair of you to be annoyed about things he did -- looking at naked pictures - before he met you.  

It is not the he has no life.  When he has free time and is on instagram he likes the posts that show up on his feed. That is how he might get the followes. He doesn't do it intentionally to get followers. And he has looked at them and has liked them even when we were together, but as I mentioned he removed nearly most of them because of our argument. 
Actually when I noticed it yesterday I got mad because I thought he still continues with that, but when I found out this morning that it was before he met me I got relaxed. I don't know if I should tell him about it, and what is going on when I meet him today. 

[pinkpaw]

To be honest, this pastime of his makes him seem lame, sleazy, creepy and weird. I've known guys who do similar things and it's really off putting. Those girls with provocative pics rely on thirsty guys to up the 'likes' and followers and quite frankly, it's weird. I just picture dog with tongue hanging out, lusting after meat.

Having said that, it's definitely no reflection on you. You could accept it and let him get on with it, but the ick factor is there. 

[JRabbit]

men who have so much free time that they choose to spend it looking at half naked chicks on the internet daily....says a lot about them as a person. 

There are a million things you can choose to follow on insta and if their main follow is posing women, and spend all their time liking their pics, diverting their attention to other women, its says a lot to me.  Says a lot about what their values are.  Its not so much about liking the pics but the fact this person actually chooses to waste time in their life hurting the person who cares about them, ignoring their wishes, and giving that attention and love elsewhere. By choice. To people they will never meet. I just don't get it. Get a hobby! grow as a person maybe,.

I couldn't be with someone who does this. Probably be single forever but honestly its just a pathetic waste of time and unattractive imo.  Would rather be single than date someone who does this.

[lana-banana]

1 hour ago, leanoa said:

Actually he is not producing any interestimg content. He has only 7 posts and they are not that special. Me personally wouldn't consider it an interesting content for a guy. Storys are not that special as well. So I think there is something else why these accounts are following him, not because of his content. He likes nearly everything and he gets follower requests and he confirms all. 

This is maybe not central to your point, but have you considered these accounts are almost certainly spam? I have a private Instagram account and I get follow requests from scantily-clad women---which is to say, bots, fakes, and scammers---about twice a week. If I accepted all their follow requests I'd easily have hundreds of followers myself. I think this guy is just kind of sleazy, not cheating or dishonest.

[kendahke]

What are you prepared to do if he doesn't stop doing this? That's a distinct possibility and you can already see he doesn't fear the consequences you've set in place so far...

Edited September 22, 2020 by kendahke

[smackie9]

The answer is......don't date guys that are like him. To me this is a bit immature. This would be a dealbreaker finding this out about someone.

In the olden days before internet/social media, some guys would have provocative mag pics all over their bedroom walls....again would have been a dealbreaker for me.

On thing I know is, you don't fix them, you dump them. Not worth the headache.

So ask yourself.....if he had these pic displayed all over his bedroom walls, would you see him as relationship material???