He likes provocative photos of girls

[leanoa]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I would advise you to stop stalking his social media, it's not a good look.  

I have told him that I don't like the fact that he follows and likes pronstars on social media (it is fine to watch porn in his private time thought) and he didn't care. He kept doing it. But he gets angry if i "look" a guy on the street, he yells, offends me and sees it as disrespectful to do. I have never done that but in his eyes it seems like I look at guys (while I am not even concentrated there or not looking at all). 
And he is way more jealous than me. He has always told me that he would like his girlfriend to be jealous but he can't remember a situation I was.

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, leanoa said:

I have told him that I don't like the fact that he follows and likes pronstars on social media (it is fine to watch porn in his private time thought) and he didn't care. He kept doing it. But he gets angry if i "look" a guy on the street, he yells, offends me and sees it as disrespectful to do. I have never done that but in his eyes it seems like I look at guys (while I am not even concentrated there or not looking at all). 
And he is way more jealous than me. He has always told me that he would like his girlfriend to be jealous but he can't remember a situation I was.

If you're not happy, then instead of bytching about him, break up with him.  It's still early enough where you shouldn't be that invested.  

It's really that easy.  

I dont mean to be harsh but trashing him ad nauseam on a message forum or anywhere else  is not kind.  Nor respectful.  I'm sorry. 

Wish him well, say goodbye and go find someone else who will make you happy. 

All the best. 

Edited September 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

5 hours ago, leanoa said:

I really don't get it why men are build this way to make their girlfriends feel insecure and uncomfortable and show them that they are sexually attracted to other girls as well even while being with them. No offense to men but is there anything that differs you from dogs or other animals? 
It is a huge turn off for me to know that my boyfriend fatasizes about other girls. 
And the phrase "I have eyes only for you" is bulls***. Yeah, exactly, for me and for others on instagram. 
To be honest I have heard a lot of stories and I was somehow thankful to have him as a boyfriend because he looks like he never cheats or thinks about other girls, or makes me feel not sexy or pretty. But literally reading that men fantasize of others when they masturbate even when they are in a relationship , make me feel disgusted of men in general. 

You clearly live in a fantasy world with no understanding of biology.  You need to get it into your head that almost all men at some point or another will masturbate to pornography whilst being in a committed relationship.

If you can accept the fact that pretty much the only guys who don't, are the guys with no sex drive, then you'll be able to move forward whilst having a more realistic view of how the world of male sexuality works.

If you refuse to acknowledge this reality, then I suggest you surround yourself with cats and resign yourself to a lifetime of cobweb-cooch.  Men can compartmentalize masturbation and fantasy with being a committed and loving partner.  

[Trail Blazer]

5 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

What separates humans from animals is that we are able to use our mind and heart to rise above the urges of the body, to temper them so we can get along in cordial society and loving relationships. Many people don't ever aspire to their higher nature - but some do.

I've had boyfriends who never once gave me the impression they were lusting after other women. I'm sure they looked, but they never did it in front of me, always "only had eyes for me" - which gives a woman a happy, secure feeling, inspires you to treat him very well because he does the same for you.

You have no idea whether those guys looked at porn when you weren't around.  I'm going to tell you now, unless they had low sex drives, the answer would be a resounding yes.

Your first paragraph is spoken like a true woman.  It cuts deeper than just separating humans from animals.  What separates men from women is more pertinent here. 

Clearly, is LS is anything to go by, a fair contingent of women have absolutely no idea.  Women should be releived that men have other outlets (like porn) to release. 

If you'd rather us put it back onto you every time we're horny, you'd very quickly be lamenting men's ridiculously frequent needs for sex.  Either way, you'd say (not you specifically - just in general) we're animals for merely wanting to quell our biological urges.

[leanoa]

1 minute ago, Trail Blazer said:

You have no idea whether those guys looked at porn when you weren't around.  I'm going to tell you now, unless they had low sex drives, the answer would be a resounding yes.

Your first paragraph is spoken like a true woman.  It cuts deeper than just separating humans from animals.  What separates men from women is more pertinent here. 

Clearly, is LS is anything to go by, a fair contingent of women have absolutely no idea.  Women should be releived that men have other outlets (like porn) to release. 

If you'd rather us put it back onto you every time we're horny, you'd very quickly be lamenting men's ridiculously frequent needs for sex.  Either way, you'd say (not you specifically - just in general) we're animals for merely wanting to quell our biological urges.

I don't know why it is so hard to understand. I don't care if he watches porn unless he does this on social media where everyone would see, ans I don't care if he likes models. But I do care if he likes a girl on another side of the world, he doesn't even know and not famous that he found out on his follow request just because she has provocative pictures on lingerie and is curvy. It would be a big deal if I would accept all follow request from men and especially if I would like their pictures. I have liked pictures of a guy I knew and he texted me. My boyfriend told me that I gave him the opportunitu and allowence to text me, because he got the "likes" as a sign to text me. Does it mean he likes other girls post so they can text him???! 

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I suspect if women knew even a quarter of the stuff their boyfriends do in their own private time, those boyfriends would be DUMPED, pronto!

The things they talk about with friends (about other women), who and what they think about while masturbating, the pics they look at on their phones in their own private time, the list is endless.

I think it’s sad that so many men feel they have to hide this stuff from their girlfriends, lest their girlfriends judge them, shame them, dump them.

When all they are doing, as mark clemens so eloquently and generously stated, is being men.  Healthy red blooded, testosterone-ruled MEN.

Leone what your boyfriend is doing in his own private time is not that much different from what my dad did back in his day before the internet and cell phones – purchased magazines such as Playboy, Penthouse, etc.  And looked at the pics.

My dad was a GREAT man, successful, devoted to his family, raised six healthy children, a kind and generous person, a humanitarian. 

And yes he looked at Playboy and Penthouse, maybe even masturbated to the pics in those mags.

Why are you even paying attention to what your boyfriend is looking at during his own private time?

Heck, are we not allowed some semblance of privacy even when in a serious relationship?

He sounds quite devoted to YOU, tells you often how sexy and beautiful you are, I assume your sex life is solid as well.

I suppose if him looking at these pics were detracting from your relationship with him, or the sex, or he was giving you less attention, I would be concerned.  But that doesn’t appear to be the case.

So what’s the real issue?  It’s social media, it means NOTHING.   It’s a diversion, a fantasy, an escape.

You are what’s REAL to him.  Focus on that and nevermind what he does during his own private time.

If you have self-esteem issues, that is not his fault nor is it his job to fix.  

It's your job to manage and fix and I'd give the same advice to men, don't become your girlfriend's saviour or white knight.  It makes for a very unbalanced existence together. 

Enjoy your relationship, be happy with and focus on everything he does give you.   Accept him. 

Trust me he WILL appreciate you for it and may even stop looking at other women all on his own, without you ever having to ask.

 

You're a very intelligent and pragmatic woman, poppy!  This post perfectly sums it up.

[leanoa]

10 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

You have no idea whether those guys looked at porn when you weren't around.  I'm going to tell you now, unless they had low sex drives, the answer would be a resounding yes.

Your first paragraph is spoken like a true woman.  It cuts deeper than just separating humans from animals.  What separates men from women is more pertinent here. 

Clearly, is LS is anything to go by, a fair contingent of women have absolutely no idea.  Women should be releived that men have other outlets (like porn) to release. 

If you'd rather us put it back onto you every time we're horny, you'd very quickly be lamenting men's ridiculously frequent needs for sex.  Either way, you'd say (not you specifically - just in general) we're animals for merely wanting to quell our biological urges.

And maybe yes, because you can quell your biological urges thinking and fantasizing about  your girl, not everybody else. And is it ok for you if another guy fantasizes about your wife or girlfriend when he masturbates??

 

Edited September 23, 2020 by leanoa

[Trail Blazer]

3 minutes ago, leanoa said:

I don't know why it is so hard to understand. I don't care if he watches porn unless he does this on social media where everyone would see, ans I don't care if he likes models. But I do care if he likes a girl on another side of the world, he doesn't even know and not famous that he found out on his follow request just because she has provocative pictures on lingerie and is curvy. It would be a big deal if I would accept all follow request from men and especially if I would like their pictures. I have liked pictures of a guy I knew and he texted me. My boyfriend told me that I gave him the opportunitu and allowence to text me, because he got the "likes" as a sign to text me. Does it mean he likes other girls post so they can text him???! 

What, do you think he's going to get on the first international flight once this pandemic is over and have an affair?

It's you who finds this hard to understand.  It's seemingly a fantasy, just like porn.  It's an extension of the same here.  You're just fixated on this delusion that fantasizing about any woman other than yourself is cheating.

You need to get this out of your head!

However, I'll reiterate a point I made earlier.  It's ridiculous of him to have issues with you compelting work projects with male colleagues. 

You both need to sit down and discuss expectations moving forward.  If neither of you can reach a middle ground you should consider ending it, moving on and finding people more compatible for yourselves.

[leanoa]

2 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

What, do you think he's going to get on the first international flight once this pandemic is over and have an affair?

It's you who finds this hard to understand.  It's seemingly a fantasy, just like porn.  It's an extension of the same here.  You're just fixated on this delusion that fantasizing about any woman other than yourself is cheating.

You need to get this out of your head!

However, I'll reiterate a point I made earlier.  It's ridiculous of him to have issues with you compelting work projects with male colleagues. 

You both need to sit down and discuss expectations moving forward.  If neither of you can reach a middle ground you should consider ending it, moving on and finding people more compatible for yourselves.

Would it be ok for you, if other men fantasizes about your wife/girlfriend, when they masturbate?

[Trail Blazer]

4 minutes ago, leanoa said:

And maybe yes, because you can quell your biological urges thinking and fantasizing about  your girl, not everybody else. And is it ok for you if another guy fantasizes about your wife or girlfriend when he masturbates??

 

That's not how it works.  Sorry, leanoa.  Men are programmed with a desire to spread their seed to as many women as possible.  If you understand biology, you'll know that this is endemic of almost every species of male.

Humans are merely highly evolved animals.  We know that after scientists sequenced the chimp genome, we share approximately 99 percent DNA with them.  We are animals, albeit highly evolved.

What differentiates us from animals?  We have much more evolved social structure and hierarchy.  Societal expectation doesn't quell biological urges, though. 

So long as a man doesn't cheat (read: fulfill his biological urge) on his girlfriend/wife, what is he doing wrong by merely fantasizing?  He's just using the image as a vehicle to fulfill that biological urge, but still remaining faithful.

As for whether it is okay if another guy fantasizes about my girl?  If I take the emotion out of it, why not?  She's pretty damn hot if I'm going to be honest.  Admittedly, it's not something I sit and think about, but it's more than likely a possibility.

I recall a little while back an old (perhaps 60-odd years of age) man leering at my girlfriend outside of a take-out store while we were waiting for our food.  No, I was not impressed at all, because, hey, if she had noticed (which she did momentarily after I did), it made her feel very uncomfortable.

 

[Trail Blazer]

12 minutes ago, leanoa said:

Would it be ok for you, if other men fantasizes about your wife/girlfriend, when they masturbate?

I've already answered your question.  The question itself is a kind of strawman/logical fallacy argument.

How would I ever know?  It's not like they're going to tell me, are they?  Would I want to know?  Of course not.  However, if they did, and if I could somehow know... what of it!?

If other men were to proposition her for sex, then that is a totally different thing altogether.  However, just a fantasy?  Well, sure... I wouldn't really blame them.  I'm sure they envy me. 

[leanoa]

5 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

I've already answered your question.  The question itself is a kind of strawman/logical fallacy argument.

How would I ever know?  It's not like they're going to tell me, are they?  Would I want to know?  Of course not.  However, if they did, and if I could somehow know... what of it!?

If other men were to proposition her for sex, then that is a totally different thing altogether.  However, just a fantasy?  Well, sure... I wouldn't really blame them.  I'm sure they envy me. 

For my boyfriend that would be a dealbreaker, he would get angry and probably he would fight with them. And he doesn't want me to post provocative photos, yet he likes other girls posts. 
Btw there were cases when guys tried to flirt with me and he told them and made them clear that I was with him and they should never do that again with me. 

Edited September 23, 2020 by leanoa

[Trail Blazer]

2 minutes ago, leanoa said:

For my boyfriend that would be a dealbreaker, he would get angry and probably he would fight with them. And he doesn't want me to post provocative photos, yet he likes other girls posts. 

What do you mean it would be a dealbreaker?  What deal has been broken by other men masturbating over you?

Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling meathead.  What is the definition of provocative photos, anyway?

My girlfriend's Insta is littered with photos with her and her friends in bikinis, at the beach.  There's not much covering her privates, and certainly enough fodder for any guy to get off on just by fantasizing.

At the end of the day, I'm with a girl who gets looks.  She's hot and it's normal for guys to look.  I've probably looked at heaps of hot girls in my time, on the street, at the beach or wherever, girls who are someone's wife/girlfriend.  Meh...

[basil67]

Leanoa, your guy is a hypocrite.  And hypocrites don't make good partners.

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling meathead. 

LOL!! 🤣  Thanks TB, between this forum and another I post on, I needed that laugh just about now.  

You probably didn't even mean it to he funny, but it was!  

And I agree with you too!  

Edited September 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, leanoa said:

I have told him that I don't like the fact that he follows and likes pronstars on social media (it is fine to watch porn in his private time thought) and he didn't care. He kept doing it. But he gets angry if i "look" a guy on the street, he yells, offends me and sees it as disrespectful to do. I have never done that but in his eyes it seems like I look at guys (while I am not even concentrated there or not looking at all). 
And he is way more jealous than me.

Okay, well fair enough. He's being overly controlling. You don't actually need a REASON per se, it's a free world, but that is one. He shouldn't be yelling at you for looking at a guy on the street. He seems paranoid about it.

IMO that is a very good reason to break up or at least keep a very close eye on him. If it escalates, he maybe become increasingly jealous, controlling, and possibly eventually abusive. These are not good signs.

I can see the way he does porn (via SM) bothers you (understandably). Add this controlling stuff on top of it and he sounds like a bad partner, certainly not a good one for you. 

Sounds like you're with the wrong guy...

[leanoa]

These are  examples of pictures he doesn't want me to post

 

I can't post here what he used to like or likes sometimes on pornstar accounts because it has sexual content and it is not allowed to show here, but to get an idea just google "big ass boobs girls on underwear" or see post of insta account of a pornstar. 

Edited September 23, 2020 by leanoa

[poppyfields]

leona, absolutely no disrespect but may I ask what your point is?  

The pics, trash talking your boyfriend ad nauseam on a public forum, is there a question?  Or another question? 

Your original question was answered a few pages back.  

I'm not going to agree with your assessment that your boyfriend is some sort of perverted d-bag, I don't know him.

But the way you speak of him, the utter disdain and obvious disrespect; your posts have got to be some of the most debasing and inflammatory posts I've read  coming from a woman still choosing to remain in a relationship with the man she's publicly trashing, albeit anonymously.

An ex I might understand.  But he's your boyfriend! Currently.

Do yourself and him a big favor and dump him.   There is NOTHING good or positive about any of this.  In fact, it sounds utterly toxic.  On both your parts.

Best to you moving forward.  

 

Edited September 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[Acacia98]

7 hours ago, leanoa said:

But literally reading that men fantasize of others when they masturbate even when they are in a relationship , make me feel disgusted of men in general. 

Realistically, we can't police what goes on inside people's heads, even if we try (and fail) to police their actions in the physical world. Even if there was no such thing as porn or Instagram, many men would have fantasies of other women during masturbation. It is part of what is considered normal and healthy. At some point, you will probably realize the problem is not that many men are wired this way. It's that you were socialized to think it was disgusting.

I don't know if your particular situation with your boyfriend is healthy or salvageable. If it is a deal breaker for you, it seems you have no choice but to end things. In that case, you would probably be more comfortable with a man who was more discreet about his sexual fantasies. And you would be well advised not to ask questions about his masturbation-related habits. If you can't handle a truth that is the norm, you probably shouldn't go digging for it.

[Veronica73]

7 hours ago, TheFinalWord said:

I try to tell women, your 20s are your prime. Don't waste them on men that aren't going to change. Define your boundaries for him, then see if he respects them. Good luck!

I wish somebody had told me that back then, and that I had the sense to pay attention!

The thing people are talking about with the social media stuff....saying, this is his private business....It’s not a big deal if he is publicly liking this stuff on instagram. But he potentially can interact with these women one on one. And also....if friends and family and acquaintances are also seeing what he is doing......doesn’t that seem a little humiliating for the girlfriend? 

And I get that if you want a guy that doesn’t fantasize about other women or masturbate to other women or look at porn in this day and age, you are basically looking for a unicorn because that is not ever going to happen with the ease of the internet constantly available.... but I think it is a bit of a double standard. No guy I have been in a serious relationship with would have been fine with me “liking” men on social media who posted a bunch of shirtless photos of themselves. They wouldn’t have even liked it if I got off to photos or videos of other men. Is this unusual? Because I’m serious. I think virtually ALL of them would have had a problem with it.

[Veronica73]

Also, there’s just the perspective, that....okay, men like sex and have needs. But if SO much of their social media is about scantily clad women............yikes. It kind of tells you where their minds are at, doesn’t it? There is only so much time in a day after all. And the whole internet is full of scantily clad (or naked women and porn). Why follow them on social media? Seems pretty weird to me. And it is also very weird to me that people think that looking at your significant other’s social media feed is “stalking”. I mean, in a whole lot of cases, this is information that is available to anyone who has internet access. But yet people who are dating you should put on blinders and ignore it?

[Veronica73]

14 hours ago, mark clemson said:

 A fair question. Does he have a problem with you masturbating? (I assume you fantasize about men when you do this.) That would seem hypocritical.

I think this is an interesting assumption (that she fantasizes about men when she masturbates).

Edited September 23, 2020 by Veronica73

[Acacia98]

5 hours ago, leanoa said:

For my boyfriend that would be a dealbreaker, he would get angry and probably he would fight with them. And he doesn't want me to post provocative photos, yet he likes other girls posts. 
Btw there were cases when guys tried to flirt with me and he told them and made them clear that I was with him and they should never do that again with me. 

I hadn't read the posts about your boyfriend's jealousy and controlling behavior earlier.

Clearly, this is an unhealthy relationship. You would do well to end it. You both have a lot to learn.

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

The thing people are talking about with the social media stuff....saying, this is his private business....It’s not a big deal if he is publicly liking this stuff on instagram. But he potentially can interact with these women one on one. And also....if friends and family and acquaintances are also seeing what he is doing......doesn’t that seem a little humiliating for the girlfriend? 

And I get that if you want a guy that doesn’t fantasize about other women or masturbate to other women or look at porn in this day and age, you are basically looking for a unicorn because that is not ever going to happen with the ease of the internet constantly available.... but I think it is a bit of a double standard. No guy I have been in a serious relationship with would have been fine with me “liking” men on social media who posted a bunch of shirtless photos of themselves. They wouldn’t have even liked it if I got off to photos or videos of other men. Is this unusual? Because I’m serious. I think virtually ALL of them would have had a problem with it.

I totally agree with the above. 

43 minutes ago, Veronica73 said:

I think this is an interesting assumption (that she fantasizes about men when she masturbates).

People with rigid rules about aspects of sexuality sometimes do or want to do the very things they condemn, but they repress those thoughts. So they may not be particularly self aware. I don't know if that's true in OP's case, though.

I do feel like most of us are being somewhat disingenuous in this discussion. Maybe it's because of the way the discussion was framed. I don't know. Anyway, it's not just men who watch porn or look at erotic pictures (or read erotic texts) and use them as 'inspiration' for their sexual fantasies and masturbation. Women do the same things too. Maybe even most women. Who knows? Not everyone is forthcoming about the details of their sexual fantasies. Ultimately, even if a woman doesn't use those images/texts, she has an imagination that is every bit as vivid as a man's. She can fantasize about any man, real or otherwise, and can get off on that. And if she didn't mention it to her SO or do the whole social media thing, he probably would never know. Maybe that's what the issue really comes down to: discretion. Discretion could be about caring about your SO. It could also be about having control over your behavior and recognizing what is appropriate and what isn't in public. OP's guy seems to have failed on both scores.

I think some people, male or female, are comfortable with the knowledge that their SO fantasizes about someone other than them. And some really are not. So if people want to be kind to each other, they should take that into consideration. Someone with an SO who would rather not know shouldn't advertise to him/her and the rest of the world that he/she is drooling over other people's bodies on social media. And people really shouldn't have double standards. 

[ExpatInItaly]

There is so much wrong with this relationship that extends beyond his social media habits. 

And OP, for what it's worth, there are plenty of men out there who do employ more discretion when admiring and, er, "enjoying" attractive women. They're not that hard to find.