He likes provocative photos of girls

[elaine567]

You are expecting to turn a guy who obviously has an addictive personality(women, gambling, alcohol) and who is jealous, possessive, aggressive and controlling into someone who is bf and partner material.
He can't be the guy you would want him to be, it is not possible to mould other people into who you really want, so don't even bother trying...

He may choose to change for a while but he will always regress into who he really is and if you stick around you get more and more disappointed and unhappy.
That is how it works.
The trick is to find someone who actually IS the person you would want as a bf.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, leanoa said:

Btw I found out that he follows 2-3 pornstars and he likes some of their pictures

You may want to reconsider dating someone who embarrasses and humiliates you.

Take yourself off all his social media. Why label yourself as the GF of someone who publicly follows porn stars?

 

[Veronica73]

10 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Your first paragraph is spoken like a true woman.  

I don’t know if you meant it this way, but to me you sound incredibly condescending.

[nospam99]

leanoa said '' These are examples of pictures he doesn't want me to post''

Is that YOU??!! RRRAHHHRRR ..... I'll be in my bunk. :D

[smackie9]

Girl this is why we date...to find out what they are like. You don't like his behavior. He think it's ok. So what do you do? you breakup with him.

You can cry, whine, claw at the wall, and ask why he is this way all you want...won't make a difference...you are being ridiculous thinking you must be able to change his ways....YOU CAN'T! This conversation should have been over on the first page.

[BaileyB]

As the old saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. No need to settle for this guy...

Lol, he cut the number of beautiful women who were “following” him in half (to a mere 400) to show you how much he “cares” for you... what is this world we live in now?

Edited September 23, 2020 by BaileyB

[Ruby Slippers]

3 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

I don’t know if you meant it this way, but to me you sound incredibly condescending.

I'll take it as a compliment. Damn skippy I'm a true woman 😅

[kendahke]

14 hours ago, leanoa said:

And is it ok for you if another guy fantasizes about your wife or girlfriend when he masturbates??

Well, he certainly can't climb up into his head and direct the traffic, now can he? Who even thinks about that except someone who is exceptionally insecure?

[poppyfields]

48 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Lol, he cut the number of beautiful women who were “following” him in half (to a mere 400) to show you how much he “cares” for you... what is this world we live in now?

Yeah, I chuckled at that too!  What a world!  🙄

[Allupinnit]

Yeah nobody thinks men shouldn't look at sexy photos but for the love, do you have to go about "liking" it on IG and having all of those bots following you?  It makes you look incredibly immature.

[Azincourt]

On 9/22/2020 at 2:06 AM, leanoa said:

Hi guys! I would like to know your opinion, how you would react in the situation below, and if I am overreacting. 

You're overreacting. As soon as I saw the title of the thread, I knew you was overreacting.

Quote

 

I know that mixing social media with relationship is kind of childish sometimes but things went this way. 
My boyfriend had about 900 followers on instagram, most of them were pages +18 or provocative girls profiles. I have to mention though that these were accounts who followed him, he wasn't following any of them back. I told him 2-3 times that I didn't like this fact and he did nothing, he said "they are following me, not me them and it is not that you are uncomfortable with that, it is just you don't want other people to see that +18 accounts follow me". 

I'm surprised your boyfriend didn't end the relationship he has with you when you went up to him and told him you don't like the fact that there are attractive young women following him on social media. He's hot.  Hot men are pursued by attractive women. If you don't like this, if you can't deal with this, the best you can do is to end the relationship and date a man who isn't as hot as your boyfriend, I guess, because attractive people are always going to be popular with the opposite sex. 

Besides the fact that your boyfriend hasn't given you any cause to worry about his devotion to you, as he's not following them back at all.  I'm siding with your boyfriend on this. You don't like that other people, probably the people who are close to you, can see all of those hot women following your boyfriend and they(the women who are your friends) either think your boyfriend is cheating on you, or they're envious of your boyfriend getting all those hot women following him on social media(the guys wish they also had that in their lives).

 

Quote

I never mentioned this anymore until we had an argument because he got jealous about something (can't remember what and why exactly) and I mentioned his followers so he removed all of them, he reduced them from 900 to 400 and told me " I did that to show you that I care only for you, I don't care for them" (Btw he knows that I have had low self esteem and he notices that it is not fully recovered. That is why I wonder why he did nothing for followers or likes when he knew I had a problem with that. Anyway this is something else, I don't really want to talk about it right now because the matter is on another point)

If you have low self-esteem, that ain't your boyfriend's problem. He's not your personal therapist, he's not your personal psychologist, and he's not getting paid to make you feel good about yourself. You need to feel good about yourself, you need to be confident and you need to like yourself before you decide to go and become part of a romantic relationship.  And you need to get to that point on your own, or you could just go ahead and get professional help, there's nothing wrong with that, and that's what they're paid to do.

 

Quote

Anyways he keeps liking models' pictures, singers actors etc, but that is totally fine for me as long as he also likes famous males' pictures ans not only provocative pictures of models,  as well as the fact that he makes me feel comfortable, he says it everyday how pretty or sexy or attractive I am. So I was totally fine for him to like these pictures. 
Today I found out 5-6 instagram accounts (probably there are more) that he doesn't follow back but he has liked some of their photos and what made everything worse, one of these account was a girl on underwear or lingerie (not famous, or model), she had 6 posts and he has liked all of them. I find it disrespectful and offensive if my boyfriend likes pictures of other random girls on underwear on instagram. 
I would really want to know your opinion and what would you do? Am I overreacting or is it something that has to do with my self esteem?

Thank you for your time
 

I'm confused. Do you expect your boyfriend to become a monk? A man doesn't stop finding other women to be sexually attractive just because he's in a relationship. When I'm in a relationship I still check out and notice attractive women.

I still imagine what they look like naked, and when I'm at a topless or nudist beach,  I don't really need to imagine it as I'm seeing it first hand right in front of me. But that doesn't mean I'm going to 'cheat' on my girlfriend. A man(and a woman) can appreciate beauty for the sake of appreciating it just because it's a lovely thing and there's a sea of charm and music to someone who is beautiful, as beauty is as rare as a planet that can host complex life, and it's even worse these days in most of the western nations.

Now, here's the thing. I watch porn with my girlfriends. There have been times when I've been hanging out with my friends and their girlfriends and we all be watching porn together and it's chill about it.  Because my girlfriends are self-secure about themselves, and my girlfriends have often pointed out random hot women in public and brought them to my attention, like I've done with random hot men.

You could be a 19 year old laetitia casta, you could be the most attentive of girlfriends, and I would still notice other women, I would still follow other women online, I would still give them likes, and I would still masturbate to their pictures and videos. Because it's a fantasy. I'm not going to hook-up with them, and I wouldn't hook-up with them even if it was possible for me to do so because they live nearby and they're attracted to me. Loyalty, devotion, yayadayada, all that nice stuff. Your boyfriend is the same way. He won't cheat on you.

Back when I was in college, I used to have thousands of pictures on my phone of women like Monica Belluci, Claudia Schiffer, Cindy Crawford, Penelope Cruz,  Pamela Anderson and so forth, with the pictures being of them in bikini suits, underwear, revealing clothes, sexy poses etc, and my girlfriend(s) knew about it and were pretty chill about it, and that's why I feel that if a 21 year old can be mature about this, then I expect every woman aged 25+ to understand that looking at a hot woman doesn't mean he wants to sleep with her.

I just like to look at what's pretty, and trust me, back in college there were a lot of beautiful women.

You're overreacting and you're making a huge drama out of something that doesn't mean anything. I often browse the victoria's secret models page, not that I'm interested in buying my girlfriend underwear, way too expensive that stuff, but because I enjoy looking at beauty, that's all there is to it. 

I believe your boyfriend loves you quite a bit. If I was him, I would've dumped you a long time ago soon after you'd start complaining about me looking at other women. We aren't married. Only when there's a binding legal contract between us does that mean I owe you anything.

 

 

Edited September 23, 2020 by Azincourt

[mark clemson]

 

 

[Azincourt]

What's that youtube video about?

[mark clemson]

You'll have to watch it and see. It's relevant to this thread which is why I linked to it. '

Enjoy...

[Azincourt]

I dunno, man, I find low self-esteem in a woman, regardless of how hot she is, to really make me lose the physical attraction I feel for her even if that physical attraction was large and large when i first met her, and it's even worse when she tries to control me like she owns me. Telling me what to do?  Because she's insecure?

Nah, I ain't about that life.

[elaine567]

Yes the video sums it up especially the last line when she says " I really do not need him..." 

[Azincourt]

Then she should dump him. Who cares. There's billions of men in the world, and unless his name starts with Brad and ends with Pitt, and unless his name ends with Ronaldo and starts with Cristiano: he ain't really all that special and can be easily replaced.

[TheFinalWord]

14 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

I wish somebody had told me that back then, and that I had the sense to pay attention!

The thing people are talking about with the social media stuff....saying, this is his private business....It’s not a big deal if he is publicly liking this stuff on instagram. But he potentially can interact with these women one on one. And also....if friends and family and acquaintances are also seeing what he is doing......doesn’t that seem a little humiliating for the girlfriend? 

And I get that if you want a guy that doesn’t fantasize about other women or masturbate to other women or look at porn in this day and age, you are basically looking for a unicorn because that is not ever going to happen with the ease of the internet constantly available.... but I think it is a bit of a double standard. No guy I have been in a serious relationship with would have been fine with me “liking” men on social media who posted a bunch of shirtless photos of themselves. They wouldn’t have even liked it if I got off to photos or videos of other men. Is this unusual? Because I’m serious. I think virtually ALL of them would have had a problem with it.

Not necessarily. I'm single, and I don't look at porn or follow IG models. But, it's unlikely he will meet any of the IG models. Those women get DM'd by ultra rich men that fly them around and basically are their sugar daddies. That's more likely to be the experience that women have; i.e., being messaged to meet over IG. Women probably don't spend a lot of time liking photos of male models on IG, but one girl I dated talked about her man celebrity crush non-stop. When I finally told her that it made me feel like I wasn't her top choice, she didn't realize how it came across. The main thing here is that it is hurtful to you and he is cheapening intimacy. You are allowed to have your boundaries and you don't have to justify them to anyone else. Unless they are unreasonable, but what you are describing is far from unreasonable.

The main thing is...but does he know how you feel? All of this is theoretical until you tell him how you feel about it. If you don't say anything, he's probably not going to think you care. But if this is a man you want to consider for something really long-term, you have to be comfortable communicating your boundaries. Then the key is to see how he respects your boundaries. That's how you know what kind of man he is and if he's worth investing anymore time on. If he shrugs you off or doesn't care, I would really consider if this is someone you want to commit to.

Edited September 23, 2020 by TheFinalWord

[Els]

I still have yet to hear any redeeming facts about this dude. Regardless of whether or not it's "wrong" for him to be liking a bunch of provocative pics online (and personally I wouldn't find it wrong, just pretty lame IMO), at the end of the day we still have a man who apparently yells at you when you look at guys on the street, doesn't want you working with male colleagues, all while spending a bunch of time drooling over women's pictures on social media. Doesn't exactly sound like much of a catch...

Want to tell us why you're still with him, when clearly his behaviour annoys you as much as it annoys us?

[smackie9]

Sure boys will be boys....but this isn't about that, this is about maturity and respect. Women look at hot guys just as much as men look at hot women...hanging out with yer buddies talkin the talk,....women do it too!...BUT it's another thing to be a rubber necker while with your SO, or splashing your rubber necking on social media. It's immature, rude and disrespectful to your partner. Everyone know whatever goes on in your head is your own business, as long as it stays there.

[leanoa]

7 hours ago, nospam99 said:

leanoa said '' These are examples of pictures he doesn't want me to post''

Is that YOU??!! RRRAHHHRRR ..... I'll be in my bunk.

No that is not me. I wouldn't post my pictures here especially if my boyfriend isn't comfortable about it

[leanoa]

5 hours ago, Azincourt said:

You're overreacting. As soon as I saw the title of the thread, I knew you was overreacting.

I'm surprised your boyfriend didn't end the relationship he has with you when you went up to him and told him you don't like the fact that there are attractive young women following him on social media. He's hot.  Hot men are pursued by attractive women. If you don't like this, if you can't deal with this, the best you can do is to end the relationship and date a man who isn't as hot as your boyfriend, I guess, because attractive people are always going to be popular with the opposite sex. 

Besides the fact that your boyfriend hasn't given you any cause to worry about his devotion to you, as he's not following them back at all.  I'm siding with your boyfriend on this. You don't like that other people, probably the people who are close to you, can see all of those hot women following your boyfriend and they(the women who are your friends) either think your boyfriend is cheating on you, or they're envious of your boyfriend getting all those hot women following him on social media(the guys wish they also had that in their lives).

 

If you have low self-esteem, that ain't your boyfriend's problem. He's not your personal therapist, he's not your personal psychologist, and he's not getting paid to make you feel good about yourself. You need to feel good about yourself, you need to be confident and you need to like yourself before you decide to go and become part of a romantic relationship.  And you need to get to that point on your own, or you could just go ahead and get professional help, there's nothing wrong with that, and that's what they're paid to do.

 

I'm confused. Do you expect your boyfriend to become a monk? A man doesn't stop finding other women to be sexually attractive just because he's in a relationship. When I'm in a relationship I still check out and notice attractive women.

I still imagine what they look like naked, and when I'm at a topless or nudist beach,  I don't really need to imagine it as I'm seeing it first hand right in front of me. But that doesn't mean I'm going to 'cheat' on my girlfriend. A man(and a woman) can appreciate beauty for the sake of appreciating it just because it's a lovely thing and there's a sea of charm and music to someone who is beautiful, as beauty is as rare as a planet that can host complex life, and it's even worse these days in most of the western nations.

Now, here's the thing. I watch porn with my girlfriends. There have been times when I've been hanging out with my friends and their girlfriends and we all be watching porn together and it's chill about it.  Because my girlfriends are self-secure about themselves, and my girlfriends have often pointed out random hot women in public and brought them to my attention, like I've done with random hot men.

You could be a 19 year old laetitia casta, you could be the most attentive of girlfriends, and I would still notice other women, I would still follow other women online, I would still give them likes, and I would still masturbate to their pictures and videos. Because it's a fantasy. I'm not going to hook-up with them, and I wouldn't hook-up with them even if it was possible for me to do so because they live nearby and they're attracted to me. Loyalty, devotion, yayadayada, all that nice stuff. Your boyfriend is the same way. He won't cheat on you.

Back when I was in college, I used to have thousands of pictures on my phone of women like Monica Belluci, Claudia Schiffer, Cindy Crawford, Penelope Cruz,  Pamela Anderson and so forth, with the pictures being of them in bikini suits, underwear, revealing clothes, sexy poses etc, and my girlfriend(s) knew about it and were pretty chill about it, and that's why I feel that if a 21 year old can be mature about this, then I expect every woman aged 25+ to understand that looking at a hot woman doesn't mean he wants to sleep with her.

I just like to look at what's pretty, and trust me, back in college there were a lot of beautiful women.

You're overreacting and you're making a huge drama out of something that doesn't mean anything. I often browse the victoria's secret models page, not that I'm interested in buying my girlfriend underwear, way too expensive that stuff, but because I enjoy looking at beauty, that's all there is to it. 

I believe your boyfriend loves you quite a bit. If I was him, I would've dumped you a long time ago soon after you'd start complaining about me looking at other women. We aren't married. Only when there's a binding legal contract between us does that mean I owe you anything.

 

 

I don't care if he likes them. And I am not saying if someone is in a relationship should stop finding other people attractive or shpuld stop watching porn. But he doesn't have to show that in public or in social media. My mother saw his likes on social media once and told me that she doesn't find it normal. My aunt too and she said "Look who you are with, a guy who waits forward to show other girls he likes them" My friends also have seen that and they said to me "We don't know how you are fine with that" "On the eyes of others looks like, like he is trying to find other girls, why does he have to show them that he likes them" "People think he might be cheating on you in real life and or treating you desrespectfully" 
It looks weired also in other peoples eyes 

[leanoa]

Btw, thank you for your opinions. Just an update. I found out he has been cheating on me since the beginning with his two best friends who turned out to be friends with benefits whom he "considered sisters". He also admitted it himself. He told me that there is nothing wrong with me, he loves me and wants to marry me, but he is addicted and he can't do anything about it. 
I feel very disgusted and disappointed that I habe been lied for such a long time. I really loved him and did everything I could to make him happy and I don't know if I will be able to love another man on trust another man in my life. 

[leanoa]

3 hours ago, TheFinalWord said:

Not necessarily. I'm single, and I don't look at porn or follow IG models. But, it's unlikely he will meet any of the IG models. Those women get DM'd by ultra rich men that fly them around and basically are their sugar daddies. That's more likely to be the experience that women have; i.e., being messaged to meet over IG. Women probably don't spend a lot of time liking photos of male models on IG, but one girl I dated talked about her man celebrity crush non-stop. When I finally told her that it made me feel like I wasn't her top choice, she didn't realize how it came across. The main thing here is that it is hurtful to you and he is cheapening intimacy. You are allowed to have your boundaries and you don't have to justify them to anyone else. Unless they are unreasonable, but what you are describing is far from unreasonable.

The main thing is...but does he know how you feel? All of this is theoretical until you tell him how you feel about it. If you don't say anything, he's probably not going to think you care. But if this is a man you want to consider for something really long-term, you have to be comfortable communicating your boundaries. Then the key is to see how he respects your boundaries. That's how you know what kind of man he is and if he's worth investing anymore time on. If he shrugs you off or doesn't care, I would really consider if this is someone you want to commit to.

not necessarily. Most of them are not that sexy or pretty or attractive. The just post provocative photos and that is what maked me doubt it more, because it looked like he just wanted to find just someone,  not necessarily someone sexy. I wasn't jealous of them, I was just wondering what he liked on them, just the fact that they were showing their ass and boobs to the camera??! I wasn't ok with it because I didn't want him to do that on public, not to not see them or whoever else at all

[SincereOnlineGuy]

20 hours ago, leanoa said:

These are  examples of pictures he doesn't want me to post

 

I can't post here what he used to like or likes sometimes on pornstar accounts because it has sexual content and it is not allowed to show here, but to get an idea just google "big ass boobs girls on underwear" or see post of insta account of a pornstar. 

The fact that it reads as if the only reason YOU wouldn't likely post such pictures, is HIM not wanting you to...   is significant (to most of us).

 

Most (of us) aren't posting THOSE sorts of photos is because  we  know/think society would laugh us off of the internet if we did.

 

There is so much natural vanity hovering all around your seeming normal environment, that the concerns you are expressing are likely functions (or offshoots) of all of the vanity, and possibly things that many of us cannot easily address.

 

It really IS Okaaaaaaaaaay  IF you are   "hot AF"...    (and my responses are definitely allowing for that as a possibility...)    but IF somehow you could demonstrate that your mind will adjust (with greater, and needed understanding) to take all of that (being hot AF,  AND needing to adjust your own objective outlook at the world to adjust for your hot AF-dom) into account then the result would be the "hot AF" equivalent to 

 

Adding 2 letters to your cup size,  and adding 200,000 Instagram followers  (IF ONLY you could convey all of that new understanding to the vain Instagram crowd).

 

 

 

 

Edited September 23, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy