He likes provocative photos of girls

[kendahke]

38 minutes ago, leanoa said:

. I really loved him and did everything I could to make him happy and I don't know if I will be able to love another man on trust another man in my life. 

This is where you messed up. Don't play wifey with a man who is not in the frame of mind to want someone playing wifey.  He wants to be about that single life and having sex with whomever.  In that respect, you're not that special to him--at least not special enough to dismiss his sex partners.

You can't make any other person happy except yourself. Never put yourself out like that again.  You will be able to love and trust another man because this clod has taught you what you need to be looking out for long before it gets to the point where you're in water so deep you can't get back to shore.  You set your self adrift trying to "make him happy" now you have to locate your self and get back to tending that instead of some guy.

Quote

but he is addicted and he can't do anything about it. 

He's addicted and 🗣DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT🗣 is more like the truth. He can go to therapy for his sex addiction but will not do it.

This works for him--he's not checking for you on that tip.

Quote

Most of them are not that sexy or pretty or attractive.

To. You. 

You cannot speak for anyone else, certainly not the people who follow them and who do spend cash on them.  Clearly they don't agree with you.

Besides, your opinion is biased anyway because you've got an axe to grind.

Edited September 23, 2020 by kendahke

[Trail Blazer]

How did you stumble across this bit of information, @leanoa?  I mean, it was fairly obvious that the guy is a douche.  The fact he cheated on you is no surprise. 

I guess it's kind of coincidental that you've found this out only two days after posting this thread.  Did you broach the topic with him last night and it all just came out?

[leanoa]

7 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

How did you stumble across this bit of information, @leanoa?  I mean, it was fairly obvious that the guy is a douche.  The fact he cheated on you is no surprise. 

I guess it's kind of coincidental that you've found this out only two days after posting this thread.  Did you broach the topic with him last night and it all just came out?

I went to his house "by surprise". I always tell him when I am going to meet him, yesterday I didn't and I found his friemd at his house. They were not doing anything, they were drinking a glass of wine and invited me too. Actually I didn't know what has happend and thought she had visidted him just as a best friend, because she was his "sister". 
When she went away, I started talking about the topic and the thoughts I had and what was disturbing me and it all came out. 
What do you mean with "the fact he cheated on you is no surprise"? That is exactly what I was talking about in this thread, that the fact that he was doing all these things made me doubt about him cheating on me and everyone here was defending him. 

[Trail Blazer]

3 minutes ago, leanoa said:

I went to his house "by surprise". I always tell him when I am going to meet him, yesterday I didn't and I found his friemd at his house. They were not doing anything, they were drinking a glass of wine and invited me too. Actually I didn't know what has happend and thought she had visidted him just as a best friend, because she was his "sister". 
When she went away, I started talking about the topic and the thoughts I had and what was disturbing me and it all came out. 
What do you mean with "the fact he cheated on you is no surprise"? That is exactly what I was talking about in this thread, that the fact that he was doing all these things made me doubt about him cheating on me and everyone here was defending him. 

The way that you described him made him out to be a complete douche.  Controlling, jealous, manipulative and totally obsessed with sex.  I'm just sayin' I am not surprised he was also a cheater. 

It wasn't as if everything he did was indefensible yet everyone was defending him anyway.  A lot of it was more about how you were reacting to his behavior and your own lack of understanding about basic male biology. 

Try not to conflate issues.

[leanoa]

4 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

The way that you described him made him out to be a complete douche.  Controlling, jealous, manipulative and totally obsessed with sex.  I'm just sayin' I am not surprised he was also a cheater. 

It wasn't as if everything he did was indefensible yet everyone was defending him anyway.  A lot of it was more about how you were reacting to his behavior and your own lack of understanding about basic male biology. 

Try not to conflate issues.

Well, I don't care anymore about him because I was very disappointed so it doesn't matter. At least I didn't expect him to cheat with his best friends whom he introduced me in the the beginning as his "unbiological sisters"

[Azincourt]

28 minutes ago, leanoa said:

I went to his house "by surprise". I always tell him when I am going to meet him, yesterday I didn't and I found his friemd at his house. They were not doing anything, they were drinking a glass of wine and invited me too. Actually I didn't know what has happend and thought she had visidted him just as a best friend, because she was his "sister". 
When she went away, I started talking about the topic and the thoughts I had and what was disturbing me and it all came out. 
What do you mean with "the fact he cheated on you is no surprise"? That is exactly what I was talking about in this thread, that the fact that he was doing all these things made me doubt about him cheating on me and everyone here was defending him. 

Ah, so you cornered the guy.  You know a relationship has run it's course when people are now being manipulative about it. If you don't trust this guy to have female friends, your best bet is to find a religious man who doesn't believe in men and women being able to be only friends. If this guy has cheated on you before - after you have talked to him about having an exclusively monogamous relationship - then why are you wasting your time with him?

Are you going to monitor this guy every time he's hanging out with an attractive woman? How is that a healthy, functional relationship?

Why are you unloading your doubts and thoughts that trouble the stability of your relationship, on this poor guy? You need to deal with your own personal issues on your own time, with people who are professionaly able to.

Quote

Well, I don't care anymore about him because I was very disappointed so it doesn't matter. At least I didn't expect him to cheat with his best friends whom he introduced me in the the beginning as his "unbiological sisters"

There you go. Now that the relationship has met it's end, you can go and meet men who are more open to what you're looking for in a boyfriend. Your relationship didn't work out. It happens to everone. Heal up, take some time off dating, like 6 months to 1 year, then go back there and meet new men.

Edited September 24, 2020 by Azincourt

[leanoa]

13 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Ah, so you cornered the guy.  You know a relationship has run it's course when people are now being manipulative about it. If you don't trust this guy to have female friends, your best bet is to find a religious man who doesn't believe in men and women being able to be only friends. If this guy has cheated on you before - after you have talked to him about having an exclusively monogamous relationship - then why are you wasting your time with him?

Are you going to monitor this guy every time he's hanging out with an attractive woman? How is that a healthy, functional relationship?

Why are you unloading your doubts and thoughts that trouble the stability of your relationship, on this poor guy? You need to deal with your own personal issues on your own time, with people who are professionaly able to.

There you go. Now that the relationship has met it's end, you can go and meet men who are more open to what you're looking for in a boyfriend. Your relationship didn't work out. It happens to everone. Heal up, take some time off dating, like 6 months to 1 year, then go back there and meet new men.

I don't know why you are still telling me that it is my fault. Of course I trusted him to have female friends, I didn't know he was such a jerk to cheat me with his best friends. He didn't trust me to have male friends or even work with males. Btw he has been cheating me before I told him that I wasn't comfortable with his instagram activity. And I have never accused him of cheating as he always did with me. 

[Velvet teddy]

2 hours ago, leanoa said:

I don't know why you are still telling me that it is my fault. Of course I trusted him to have female friends, I didn't know he was such a jerk to cheat me with his best friends. He didn't trust me to have male friends or even work with males. Btw he has been cheating me before I told him that I wasn't comfortable with his instagram activity. And I have never accused him of cheating as he always did with me. 

That's usually a sign of a partner who will cheat or has cheated. They are controlling and possessive when it comes to you. 

Edited September 24, 2020 by Velvet teddy

[Azincourt]

Quote

I don't know why you are still telling me that it is my fault. Of course I trusted him to have female friends, I didn't know he was such a jerk to cheat me with his best friends. He didn't trust me to have male friends or even work with males. Btw he has been cheating me before I told him that I wasn't comfortable with his instagram activity. And I have never accused him of cheating as he always did with me. 

I wouldn't necessarily say a guy is a jerk for having sex with his  best friends. Have the two of you talked about having an exclusive monogamous relationships? Was it plainly stated you expected him to not have sex with other women while he was dating you? Under a contract, the fact that the terms of use weren't clarified, he wouldn't be considered to have cheated on you because there was never any verbal or writen agreement to establish a monogamous relationship.

But if the two of you have indeed decided to make it a monogamous relationship and the guy went ahead and cheated on you : why did you keep on dating him???

[elaine567]

He projected his moral compass onto you, he thus assumed, like him, you would take any sexual opportunity offered, so he tried hard to shut that down, by yelling and controlling you.

BUT you projected your moral compass onto him too. You would never cheat, never look at another man and so you assumed that despite all signs to the contrary he would never really cheat on you..
He underlined his supposed  trustworthiness by telling you you were the one for him, he would make you his wife...
A man like that would never cheat, would he? but it was all a sham, a manipulation.
Maybe he would have married you, but he would have kept his harem intact too...
You kind of sussed him out, but you still deep down thought it was all good, Your love would be enough.

The mistake you made was discounting his past and thinking he had changed for you.
Part naivety. part gullibility and part ego.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, leanoa said:

No that is not me. I wouldn't post my pictures here especially if my boyfriend isn't comfortable about it

If you feel like a fool being his GF, you need to end it rather than get into some sort of social media war with him.

[Azincourt]

I dunno about the whole she would never cheat on him. We only get her side of the story. We haven't heard her boyfriend about this whole subject, have we. And can we really say we'd never cheat on our partners? I mean, if  OP was in a position to meet a young Prince Harry/young Christian Bale/Young Brad Pitt, and those men actually wanted to sleep with her?

Can you guarentee me, can OP can guarentee to her boyfriend she would never sleep with any of those guys if the opportunity presented itself?

[Velvet teddy]

9 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

I wouldn't necessarily say a guy is a jerk for having sex with his  best friends. Have the two of you talked about having an exclusive monogamous relationships? Was it plainly stated you expected him to not have sex with other women while he was dating you? Under a contract, the fact that the terms of use weren't clarified, he wouldn't be considered to have cheated on you because there was never any verbal or writen agreement to establish a monogamous relationship.

But if the two of you have indeed decided to make it a monogamous relationship and the guy went ahead and cheated on you : why did you keep on dating him???

This is just an excuse for him to go and sleep with anyone he pleases.

He shouldn't be dating anyone at all if this is what he wants to do. 

[smackie9]

What you need to do is see the red flags in all of this, ie: him obsessed with women on social media, etc and make better judgment next time you meet someone.

I get it, what you can't have makes you desire more.....you see a lot of his attention directed at these beautiful women, made him more desirable to you, a challenge. When he did focus on you, you felt "special" , you thought you were winning his affections. That's a dangerous roll to be playing. You end up stepping over yourself to get that affection from him, losing your dignity, your self worth.

Edited September 24, 2020 by smackie9

[Azincourt]

3 hours ago, Velvet teddy said:

This is just an excuse for him to go and sleep with anyone he pleases.

He shouldn't be dating anyone at all if this is what he wants to do. 

No, no. It's not an excuse. People who are interested in becoming part of monogamous relationships have to state their desire when the relationship is being formed, so they can figure out what the other person wants, and then decide what to do from there.

If I'm dating a woman and she doesn't mention wanting to be sexually or emotionally exclusive with me, then I assume she's sleeping with other men, or with other women, and I act accordingly. As there's no writen document with our signatures to be found on that document, stating that I owe this person anything, either financially or emotionally: I'm going to behave the way I want to behave.

Which is to take the offers of the women and of the men who are interested in me, and then I decide what to do with that.

Am I attracted to these people who want to sleep with me?

Has my girlfriend and I agreed to have a sexually monogamous relationship? Has she said anything about wanting to have a mononogamous relationship with me? No? She hasn't? Then I'm not cheating on her by sleeping with someone else.

Besides, think about it.

It was easy for our grandparents to be 'loyal' to each other, because  back then when they were young and lived in villages, they didn't have that many options.  There were very few eligible people who were still single past their early 20s, but now?

Now there's billions and billions of people in the world, and so many people who are attractive, and so many people who find you to be attractive, and so many options and so many opportunities to enjoy your life and your youth.

Monogamy on the other hand........ehhhhhhh not even priests manage to stay devoted to their celibacy votes, and I ain't no Jesus Christ.

Edited September 24, 2020 by Azincourt

[TheFinalWord]

20 hours ago, leanoa said:

not necessarily. Most of them are not that sexy or pretty or attractive. The just post provocative photos and that is what maked me doubt it more, because it looked like he just wanted to find just someone,  not necessarily someone sexy. I wasn't jealous of them, I was just wondering what he liked on them, just the fact that they were showing their ass and boobs to the camera??! I wasn't ok with it because I didn't want him to do that on public, not to not see them or whoever else at all

Hmm well, are you sure they aren't sexy, pretty, etc.? I mean, there are some men women like that I don't think are attractive. But if we're talking IG, I would look at the follower count. If they have more followers than people they are following, especially if it's a 2 to 1 ratio and/or a follower count over 5k, these women are getting DM'd by high status men. For example, when local celebrities come to town, their handlers will search women in the area and set women up for them.

[leanoa]

9 hours ago, Azincourt said:

I wouldn't necessarily say a guy is a jerk for having sex with his  best friends. Have the two of you talked about having an exclusive monogamous relationships? Was it plainly stated you expected him to not have sex with other women while he was dating you? Under a contract, the fact that the terms of use weren't clarified, he wouldn't be considered to have cheated on you because there was never any verbal or writen agreement to establish a monogamous relationship.

But if the two of you have indeed decided to make it a monogamous relationship and the guy went ahead and cheated on you : why did you keep on dating him???

Of course it was supposed to be a monogamous relationship. As long as it wasn't ok for him that I had to work with males and many other things, it means we didn't agree that it was ok to cheat. 
And I didn't keep dating him. I broke up as soon as I learned that he cheated on me

Edited September 24, 2020 by leanoa

[leanoa]

9 hours ago, Azincourt said:

I dunno about the whole she would never cheat on him. We only get her side of the story. We haven't heard her boyfriend about this whole subject, have we. And can we really say we'd never cheat on our partners? I mean, if  OP was in a position to meet a young Prince Harry/young Christian Bale/Young Brad Pitt, and those men actually wanted to sleep with her?

Can you guarentee me, can OP can guarentee to her boyfriend she would never sleep with any of those guys if the opportunity presented itself?

I guarantee you that I wouldn't. I had so many good opportunities and I made everyone clear that I was in a relationship 

[leanoa]

6 hours ago, Azincourt said:

No, no. It's not an excuse. People who are interested in becoming part of monogamous relationships have to state their desire when the relationship is being formed, so they can figure out what the other person wants, and then decide what to do from there.

If I'm dating a woman and she doesn't mention wanting to be sexually or emotionally exclusive with me, then I assume she's sleeping with other men, or with other women, and I act accordingly. As there's no writen document with our signatures to be found on that document, stating that I owe this person anything, either financially or emotionally: I'm going to behave the way I want to behave.

Which is to take the offers of the women and of the men who are interested in me, and then I decide what to do with that.

Am I attracted to these people who want to sleep with me?

Has my girlfriend and I agreed to have a sexually monogamous relationship? Has she said anything about wanting to have a mononogamous relationship with me? No? She hasn't? Then I'm not cheating on her by sleeping with someone else.

Besides, think about it.

It was easy for our grandparents to be 'loyal' to each other, because  back then when they were young and lived in villages, they didn't have that many options.  There were very few eligible people who were still single past their early 20s, but now?

Now there's billions and billions of people in the world, and so many people who are attractive, and so many people who find you to be attractive, and so many options and so many opportunities to enjoy your life and your youth.

Monogamy on the other hand........ehhhhhhh not even priests manage to stay devoted to their celibacy votes, and I ain't no Jesus Christ.

Yes, but not lie to others and make them feel like s*** and make their life unhappy. It would be totally ok if he would have told me since the day he cheated on me 

[leanoa]

2 hours ago, TheFinalWord said:

Hmm well, are you sure they aren't sexy, pretty, etc.? I mean, there are some men women like that I don't think are attractive. But if we're talking IG, I would look at the follower count. If they have more followers than people they are following, especially if it's a 2 to 1 ratio and/or a follower count over 5k, these women are getting DM'd by high status men. For example, when local celebrities come to town, their handlers will search women in the area and set women up for them.

There were also not many followers Max 1000

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, leanoa said:

Yes, but not lie to others and make them feel like s*** and make their life unhappy.

It's unclear why you would want to date someone like this. No less the embarrassing declaration of being his "gf" on social media.

[TheFinalWord]

2 hours ago, leanoa said:

There were also not many followers Max 1000

Well, that's weird! How is he even finding these low level women on IG? Using hashtags or something? Does he know this is bothering you? I would let him know how you feel, then if he either does not respect your boundaries, or refuses to change, I think you have your answer.

[Huffy]

Is it right or wrong for men with girlfriends to publicly drool over other women? I dunno but personally I find it sad to watch. I lose respect for the man instantly, whether he’s my boyfriend or not.