New Roommate's mood-swings

[ShiningMoon]

Hi all,

Hope all is well.

I've been facing something rather interesting with the new roommate. She moved in 2 months ago. During the interview process, she advised that she was living on her own, her lease was up and she wanted to have roommates during the pandemic as living on her own drove her a bit crazy. She was fine the first week and I noticed some odd things:

1. A week after she had moved in, she already asked if she could bring people over during the pandemic. Although not ideal, she invited a person over and then kept inviting her boyfriend unannounced every Thursday evening for a sleepover. The first time she invited her boyfriend over, I wasn't aware and I walked into the kitchen to grab some water after my run only to see him there lying on the couch in pajamas. I was polite and said: "Hi, how are you" then a minute later, she told him: "I have a feeling she wants us to exit, let's go". I didn't say anything at all. I was minding my own business in the kitchen and just wanted to do what I had to do quickly and exit.

2. Unfortunately, we work from home (well, only the two of us, the third tenant works from his office). Originally, we were working from the kitchen table together during the day. One evening, I decided to watch TV (which I never do as I tend to stay away from the common area past business hours) and I went to the bathroom for 5 minutes. She turned the TV off on the basis of the fact she had to study. Fine, I didn't say anything. The TV is in a common area and she spent all day there, but OK.

3. She went on holidays and came back. I greeted her and said "Hi, welcome back, how was your break". She just responded: "Yeah OK". I noticed she only gives short answers, even with our third roommate, hence I assumed she was tired or maybe didn't want to talk. She was fine the following day.

4. Then comes the issue of where she walks in and never says "Hi" to anyone. If you greet her, she either 1. won't respond or 2. be very dry. No smile, nothing (she doesn't have to smile, but if she's not going to respond, at least she can nod or smile). No, she just doesn't acknowledge greetings whether from me or the third tenant. Today, she walked into the kitchen, I said "Hi" no response and she walked in again when the other guy was there, she didn't greet him either. At some point, I'm going to stop greeting her altogether - if it's a one way street & no response.

5. Yesterday and today, she has been acting quite offensive. For instance, I went out to grab lunch and came back, sat on the couch to eat lunch as she was at the kitchen table working. As soon as I sat there, she left. Right. Then today, again, no greeting and she kept slamming doors left right and center. She also invited her boyfriend over, when we are undergoing another lockdown and cases are rising.

I'm bending over and backwards to be accommodating (e.g.: leaving the living room at 7pm even when I want to relax to give her space to study, wake up before her to give her time alone in the morning, exit the common area around lunch break to give her some breathing space and even accept guests during a pandemic). Yet, she can't be bothered to show us an ounce of respect by at least greeting us.

She also advised that she moved 6 times in the last 2 years (no wonder) and never lasted more than a few months in a place. She & I work in the same company, so I certainly don't want her in my business nor do I care about hers. Whilst I can appreciate her being private (we had other roommates who were just as private), to me this is odd behavior for someone who has just moved in. Mood swings happen, this is not an easy situation to be in at all, but you make an effort when you've just moved in claiming you wanted roommates yet can't bring yourself to say "Hi".

This made me so uncomfortable today that I had to just leave the house and go work from somewhere else.

I'm currently looking for a new place as I have enough to focus on without having to worry about a roommate's mood swings. I've been living in this apartment & the third tenant for the last 4 years. I keep it tidy by cleaning every Sunday and regularly during the week, throwing the bins, not inviting people over, paying the bills, bringing the mail, never watch TV etc...the only inconvenience is the WFH as I only have the kitchen as work station. I'm doing more than my fair share at this stage and I feel as though I'm slowly being treated like a doormat.

Has anyone encountered this?

Thanks.

[vla1120]

Anytime you toss strangers together in a living situation, you're bound to have issues. Everyone was brought up differently and they probably have different views on many things. If you're planning on moving anyways, I would just ignore the situation. As long as she's paying her share of the rent and utilities, that's more than half the battle! (I've had roommates I got along with GREAT - except for the fact that they always paid late, or had to get their parents to pay for them.) 

Do you have a list of house rules? That's the only other thing that I used to do (we're talking 40 years ago....) to ensure we were all on the same page. Even then, we never had a rule that you had to be pleasant. If you were unpleasant, however, the only thing that might save you is paying your rent and utilities on time!

[ShiningMoon]

9 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

Anytime you toss strangers together in a living situation, you're bound to have issues. Everyone was brought up differently and they probably have different views on many things. If you're planning on moving anyways, I would just ignore the situation. As long as she's paying her share of the rent and utilities, that's more than half the battle! (I've had roommates I got along with GREAT - except for the fact that they always paid late, or had to get their parents to pay for them.) 

Do you have a list of house rules? That's the only other thing that I used to do (we're talking 40 years ago....) to ensure we were all on the same page. Even then, we never had a rule that you had to be pleasant. If you were unpleasant, however, the only thing that might save you is paying your rent and utilities on time!

We don't have "house rules" as in my opinion, we're adults & professionals, thus common sense applies. I'm not asking anyone to be my best friend, but to simply be pleasant. To be honest, we've had two other roommates before this one and both of them always greeted us whenever they walked in (they had their weird habits/moments, but greeting people was not an issue). 

Edited September 23, 2020 by ShiningMoon

[neowulf]

10 hours ago, ShiningMoon said:

We don't have "house rules" as in my opinion, we're adults & professionals, thus common sense applies. I'm not asking anyone to be my best friend, but to simply be pleasant. To be honest, we've had two other roommates before this one and both of them always greeted us whenever they walked in (they had their weird habits/moments, but greeting people was not an issue). 

"Common sense" isn't as common as you might imagine.

I had a cousin cause a melt down in her first share house because she insisted that they all put money in for shared groceries each week and that they each take turns cooking meals for the whole house.  That quickly fell apart when her room mates pointed out they had no interest in cooking for the house, or contributing to shared groceries.

You seem to have encountered someone with atypical socialisation.  The reasons behind her behaviour don't really matter.  What matters is that it's causing issues in the house hold for you, so you guys need to have a conversation about it.

 

Edited September 24, 2020 by neowulf