How much time do you spend together as a couple?

[hippychick3]

So my fiancé and I are finally living together after many years of long distance (we were 3 hours driving distance... saw each other every weekend). It’s been an adjustment as actually living together is very different than just visiting each other.  But for the most part, it’s going very well and we’ve made a great team doing house projects together. We both are loving it. 
 

He has been a bachelor his whole entire adult life. Has never been married or even lived with a woman and is used to doing his own thing in the evenings after work (sports stuff, gaming). We do spend time some time together at the end of the day but I’m wondering what the norm is for couples with no small kids. My ex was very suffocating and always wanted to spend time together so I do not have a good frame of reference.  We both work full time 9-5 jobs...he’s working from home and I’m going into work. 
 

It’s not a major issue as we still do spend a lot of time with each other. I’m just genuinely curious what other couples do specifically on weeknights. 

Edited September 24, 2020 by hippychick3
Clarifying weeknights as opposed to weekends

[Chilli]

lt'd vary a helluva lot, depending on ages and personalities , lifestyles, married, how long they've been together kids and stuff but then there'd also be the typical too in there just home together every night and just living. l'm 50s and we're both pretty homey and quite happy around day or night just doin our thing and that ain't anywhere near as boring as it sounds but eh l don;t kiss and tell all over the internet haha but we'll just say we have a bit of a classic life and ways and fun and get out and about a bit too when we feel like it. We're together a lot as l work at home and we both only work part time but very content doin our thing.

A friend of mine same age doesn't live with her bf they spend sunday afternoon a few hours together that's it, their only alone time. Doesn't seem to worry him but she's getting pissed.  My brothers early40s and been in this long distance part time thing with his gf 20yrs . They're 3hours apart she comes up every few wks stays a few wks then goes home again , or vise versa and he goes down there. but they're apart wks often a few mths at a time, yet 20yrs , they like it.My daughter , 20 and her bf are prettywell joined at the hip and together all the time accept when he works a few nights a wk they live together now and do everything together and seem to just thrive on it very happily . lf she comes home to stay a night or two he usually turns up 2 or 3am after work and stays too l know they intend on a night or two alone but as soon as they're apart they crack haha, it's bloody funny, yet they talk and laugh 24/7 or just peacefully hang out in silence. Known couples that are just busy 24/7 till 11 at night and still on the go , might be together but they aren't together , no US time, life, others hanging out at home tv, and just living and stuff and that's life or family with kids and their world.

Take your pick l suppose , everyone does "their" thing, whatever that may be.One thing l nver get though is those couples that just don't seem to need US time, like the busy 24/7 type or that friend of mine, well she def' needs it but he doesn't. l can't even figure out how they even sleep together or when. No l don't ask, l don't wanna get into her love life or lack of.

Edited September 25, 2020 by Chilli

[hippychick3]

1 hour ago, Chilli said:

lt'd vary a helluva lot, depending on ages and personalities , lifestyles, married, how long they've been together kids and stuff but then there'd also be the typical too in there just home together every night and just living. l'm 50s and we're both pretty homey and quite happy around day or night just doin our thing and that ain't anywhere near as boring as it sounds but eh l don;t kiss and tell all over the internet haha but we'll just say we have a bit of a classic life and ways and fun and get out and about a bit too when we feel like it. We're together a lot as l work at home and we both only work part time but very content doin our thing.

A friend of mine same age doesn't live with her bf they spend sunday afternoon a few hours together that's it, their only alone time. Doesn't seem to worry him but she's getting pissed.  My brothers early40s and been in this long distance part time thing with his gf 20yrs . They're 3hours apart she comes up every few wks stays a few wks then goes home again , or vise versa and he goes down there. but they're apart wks often a few mths at a time, yet 20yrs , they like it.My daughter , 20 and her bf are prettywell joined at the hip and together all the time accept when he works a few nights a wk they live together now and do everything together and seem to just thrive on it very happily . lf she comes home to stay a night or two he usually turns up 2 or 3am after work and stays too l know they intend on a night or two alone but as soon as they're apart they crack haha, it's bloody funny, yet they talk and laugh 24/7 or just peacefully hang out in silence. Known couples that are just busy 24/7 till 11 at night and still on the go , might be together but they aren't together , no US time, life, others hanging out at home tv, and just living and stuff and that's life or family with kids and their world.

Take your pick l suppose , everyone does "their" thing, whatever that may be.One thing l nver get though is those couples that just don't seem to need US time, like the busy 24/7 type or that friend of mine, well she def' needs it but he doesn't. l can't even figure out how they even sleep together or when. No l don't ask, l don't wanna get into her love life or lack of.

Wow. Those are some very different experiences. I can’t imagine your brother’s situation... 20 years 😮 That is crazy that it works for them. Very interesting!

[Ruby Slippers]

You do whatever works for the two of you.

I always have close, bonded relationships where we enjoy spending a lot of time together. I know the stereotype is that men like space, so I tend to let the man drive the rhythm of it. I pretty much always feel happy with the amount of quality time my man spends with me. If anything I initiate a little more time apart because I know it's healthy to have a chance to miss each other and develop your solo sides. 

[Trail Blazer]

I work a job where I'm away for three weeks then return home for three weeks.  My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months now, met 11 months ago now.

She only lives five minutes away by car, so it's very easy to see her regularly.  When I am home, I would say that we spend 70 percent of the time sleeping at one another's house.

I have two children, she has no children.  Covid complicated introducing my kids to her, however, she met them for the first time a couple of months back.  That's meant that we spend even more time together, albeit with my children for a fair bit.

We are talking about moving in with one another within the next 12 months.  I beieve we can co-habit together quite comfortably, but I guess you never really know until you do.

If all goes well, and we find that living together for 12 months goes well, we hope to purchase a house together.  That's all for down the track, but it's a solid plan which hopefully comes to fruition.  I love spending every moment I can with her.

[Sunnyzwei1989]

I’m one of those people that needs space so I’m usually good with hanging out a few nights a week with my partner.    Usually one night during the week and F-Sun and sometimes only Sat cause I like to have a weekend to myself occasionally.  But I’m 50 and have never lived with anyone longer than 6 months so I’m set in my ways at this stage in my life.  Lol

[d0nnivain]

It doesn't matter what other couples do..  It matters what works for you.   It will also take some time to adjust to the new normal.  A man who has never lived with somebody & is used to being a bachelor is not suddenly going to be OK with somebody underfoot 24/7.  

I've had different arrangements with different men.  I got home about an hour before the 1st guy I lived with.  That was my me time.  I also still went out after work with friends / co workers at least 2 nights per week.   One guy I ended up avoiding because he was smothering so I worked A LOT of overtime because he'd be all over me from the minute I walked through the door.  With my husband, he'd come home & run into his man cave, only emerging for dinner.  I also had a lot of other commitments because I served on boards & had evening obligations.  Eventually we settled down to dinners together.  When we needed to address something I'd have to lure him out of the man cave which was sometimes difficult.  Now he comes out voluntarily.  We got pretty good at staying apart in the house so the pandemic quarantine was not as huge of an adjustment for us to work but we found ourselves coming together more in the evenings.  I think that tis because he works from home & has no other people to talk to all day.  

[RecentChange]

I agree that it comes down to what works for you two. 

My husband and I have been together, and living together for just about 19 years - and enjoy a child free life.

We have both always worked full time, fairly conventional hours. We both have time consuming hobbies (horses for me, bikes for him). We have date nights about once a week, have dinner together most evenings followed by being cuddly together before bed (or more depending on the mood). He usually has a guy's night at least once a week, and I spend most after noons post work riding.

These days with covid I am working from home (and he has always worked from hom part-time). But we are "at work" and so our own thing (most days fend for ourselves for lunch, sharing a lunch together about once a week).

We spend a fair amount of time together, although I get plenty of solitude which satisfies my introverted side, while he is a super extrovert and enjoys socializing several times a week. I tag along when I feel like it, and we go our separate ways with no I'll feelings when I don't. 

This weekend he is mountain biking with the boys, while I am getting in plenty of riding and my nerdy documentaries. We enjoy time together, but guilt free time apart is nice as well. 

[Fletch Lives]

Some couples live together, and on the other extreme end, some see each other once a week for a date.......and everything in between. Whatever works for you is fine.

Edited September 27, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[poppyfields]

On 9/24/2020 at 7:16 PM, Trail Blazer said:

I work a job where I'm away for three weeks then return home for three weeks.  

Wow TB, as mentioned on my thread, you and my boyfriend really do have a lot of similarities!

Hippy, first off congrats on getting engaged!   ❤️

Secondly, every couple has a different "norm" whatever works for them, individually and as a couple.  

My boyfriend travels a lot for business, and when he's home (we are living together currently) we still allow each other quite a bit of "space," I would suspect more than most couples.   Our home (well his as he owns it) is large enough where we can do that, comfortably.  

We both believe in "quality" of time together versus "quantity" of time together. 

This suits us, both individually and as a couple.  

If I may ask, why did you create this thread?   Are you feeling some discomfort with the amount of time you spend together?  Do you feel it's not enough, do you need more?

Or are you attaching meaning to why he often likes to go out after work versus coming straight home to you?  

Check your expectations.  Many people believe (and expect) things like time spent together should change once they begin living together or get married.  

I don't believe that's true.  But that's me.  You have to do what feels right and comfortable for you.  

[hippychick3]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Wow TB, as mentioned on my thread, you and my boyfriend really do have a lot of similarities!

Hippy, first off congrats on getting engaged!   ❤️

Secondly, every couple has a different "norm" whatever works for them, individually and as a couple.  

My boyfriend travels a lot for business, and when he's home (we are living together currently) we still allow each other quite a bit of "space," I would suspect more than most couples.   Our home (well his as he owns it) is large enough where we can do that, comfortably.  

We both believe in "quality" of time together versus "quantity" of time together. 

This suits us, both individually and as a couple.  

If I may ask, why did you create this thread?   Are you feeling some discomfort with the amount of time you spend together?  Do you feel it's not enough, do you need more?

Or are you attaching meaning to why he often likes to go out after work versus coming straight home to you?  

Check your expectations.  Many people believe (and expect) things like time spent together should change once they begin living together or get married.  

I don't believe that's true.  But that's me.  You have to do what feels right and comfortable for you.  

I created the thread because I haven’t lived with someone for 8 years now and was genuinely curious. The dynamic has changed a bit as before we spent all our time together actually together in each other’s company since we were long distance. Now, we are figuring out what works for us in this new living situation. Initially, I felt I wanted more time together than he did at the end of the day. But now, we are finding our groove. I feel pretty content at this point with our time together. 
 

He does not go out ever. We are very careful re: COVID and haven’t been socializing with friends since March. So when he’s doing his own thing, he’s upstairs playing video games or watching sports (which is totally fine). 

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, hippychick3 said:

 But now, we are finding our groove. I feel pretty content at this point with our time together. 

That is what is most important, that it's working for the two of you

[mark clemson]

We spend weeknights together unless one of us has something to do where the other doesn't feel like going. Happens maybe 1-2 times a week, less now due to COVID. (Sometimes, of course, we both go.)

We aren't necessarily constantly together or paying attention to each other during the nights we are home together, as there are kids, books, laptops, etc, and only some of the TV shows we like are ones both of us like.

"Hold on loosely, but don't let go," as the song goes...

Edited September 29, 2020 by mark clemson

[hippychick3]

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

That is what is most important, that it's working for the two of you

Of course. I understand there’s a lot of variability amongst couples. Just wanted an inside look into how others spend their time “together” in the same house.