How would you handle it if someone was obsessed with you

[Datingdisabled]

If someone was struggling with an obsesesion that they admitted? How would you handle it?

Would you laugh at the person if they were mentally unstable? If they were having a hard time dealing with your contact and you knew it, how would you handle it? 

[ajequals]

Did you have a relationship with the person in the past?

[basil67]

I'd be kindly honest about not being interested in having a relationship with them.    What I'd do after that could range anywhere from doing nothing to getting a restraining order depending on how their obsession manifested itself.

DD, Is this still ongoing, or have you been able to cut them from your life?  

Edited September 25, 2020 by basil67

[Datingdisabled]

Thank you for responding and I did my best. How he chooses to move forward is not my concern but last night, he had someone text me and call me a crazy bitch as well as another derogatory text to follow. At first, I felt bad but then I did manage to talk myself out of this and explain that his behavior is Infact wrong. I think sending the police years ago when I was sending emails he did not want, would have been more responsible. I suffered more from this then he did. I lined up work and I'm back at it so I'm gonna try to put it behind me. It was not right what he and his friends did so I can't take what they say to heart. 

[Datingdisabled]

9 hours ago, ajequals said:

Did you have a relationship with the person in the past?

You are not understanding obsessions. It didn't affect him as much as me. He used it to harass me!

[ExpatInItaly]

I have been on that side of the equation. 

I politely declined his advances at first. When that wasn't enough, I asked him to please stop contacting me. When that wasn't enough either, I blocked him everywhere I could. That was enough, as he had no other avenues to reach me and I had moved away anyway and he didn't know where I lived. It's been years now and I have not heard a peep. 

I don't know if he suffered from a mental illness, but I never mocked him. I also never initiated contact after I realized he was developing a crush (we were somewhat friends prior) as I knew that would send the wrong signals. Any communication I did send to turn down his date invitations or tell him to cease contacting me where brief, firm, but respectfully-worded. 

[balletomane]

OP, your obsession with this man is causing you to believe that he must be behind it whenever someone is unkind to you in any way.

This is a form of paranoia. Judging by everything you posted, it's part of your mental health struggles. It is very hurtful of anyone to call you crazy, but they aren't doing it because this man is controlling them, they're doing it because they may feel out of their depth and frustrated with your problems - especially if in your paranoia you're accusing them of being connected to this man.

In one of your posts you described your behaviour as psychotic. Is that your diagnosis? Psychosis is a very confusing and frightening thing to experience. As a teenager, one of my best friends developed it and became obsessed with me in the same way you are with this man. It was obviously very distressing for her, but it was stressful for those around her too, especially as she didn't have any insight into how her behaviour was affecting them.

You've mentioned that you're going to see a therapist. I hope they're someone experienced in psychosis. If you haven't had a recent psychiatric assessment, it might be worth seeing a psychiatrist in tandem with the therapist. There is medication that might help you, and the psychiatrist will be able to recommend a specialist therapist who is experienced in this complex area.

[Datingdisabled]

3 hours ago, balletomane said:

OP, your obsession with this man is causing you to believe that he must be behind it whenever someone is unkind to you in any way.

This is a form of paranoia. Judging by everything you posted, it's part of your mental health struggles. It is very hurtful of anyone to call you crazy, but they aren't doing it because this man is controlling them, they're doing it because they may feel out of their depth and frustrated with your problems - especially if in your paranoia you're accusing them of being connected to this man.

In one of your posts you described your behaviour as psychotic. Is that your diagnosis? Psychosis is a very confusing and frightening thing to experience. As a teenager, one of my best friends developed it and became obsessed with me in the same way you are with this man. It was obviously very distressing for her, but it was stressful for those around her too, especially as she didn't have any insight into how her behaviour was affecting them.

You've mentioned that you're going to see a therapist. I hope they're someone experienced in psychosis. If you haven't had a recent psychiatric assessment, it might be worth seeing a psychiatrist in tandem with the therapist. There is medication that might help you, and the psychiatrist will be able to recommend a specialist therapist who is experienced in this complex area.

The mental health system isn't what you expect. It's not as easy to diagnose and treat as cancer but no disregard to cancer and my sympathy to anyone who has cancer. I do have appointments in place to move forward with treatment. Thank you! That really was an awesome reply and I appreciate you being so understanding of an obsesesion towards you. That's very sweet! 

[LuckyM]

Tell him you are married to a jealous man.  Showing anger or hate or sarcasm may backfire and get him angry. It's hard but be nice in a curt way and why do you assume he has mental problems? Love obsessions are irrational and weird but normal for some people. I call it the big O.  It makes ya do strange things usually harmless. Obviously this must be no contact! Last resort say you moved away

[Datingdisabled]

28 minutes ago, LuckyM said:

Tell him you are married to a jealous man.  Showing anger or hate or sarcasm may backfire and get him angry. It's hard but be nice in a curt way and why do you assume he has mental problems? Love obsessions are irrational and weird but normal for some people. I call it the big O.  It makes ya do strange things usually harmless. Obviously this must be no contact! Last resort say you moved away

I was obsessed and he and his friend played with it, teased it. They made posts about us getting married too. They sent someone to my house when I was mowing the lawn, had a few others connect with me! Do I feel weird, not at all. I'm getting healthier and my real life relationships aren't abnormal. I never once tried to reconnect with this obsesesion although I didn't handle it well and did email him a lot.