johndoes Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Long story short. My ex of two years who I meet thru my close friend group is still invited to every gathering/party. I know people will think that if they were your real friends they wouldn’t invite her but I met her through them and I have became really close to them. Close enough to be considered an uncle to their kids even tho we are not related. Now the back story of our break up is: Things just never worked out. A bunch of lying/cheating on her part. It has been 3 years since I left her because I was just tired of everything. I know we are not good for each other and I do not want to be with her but I have never been able to fully recover from things because she is always around. When I seem to be doing good there is a b day/holiday party that she is invited to and things just go down the drain for us. I have a hard time controlling my emotions about us when I’m around her but she does things to lead them on too. What I have come to realize is when we are both drunk we do the things such as hooking up/lap dances/say we miss each other. My question is do I continue to go to my close friends events when I know she is going to be there or do I just move on from them to make myself better? Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 If it was me. I'd move on. easiest way to not get drawn back in Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 I would not attend events when you know she will be there. It's kept you stuck for too long. Time to start expanding your social circle to meet new faces who have no connection to her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 They were her friends first. You can't expect them to drop her. They are trying not to chose sides so they invite you both to big things. You have every right to chose not to go. You have no right to ask them to not invite her. It's hard. Things change. If you want to spend time with them & their kids, you invite the friends to your house but if you can't handle seeing your EX at their parties, stop going. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 Move on. By not going NC you have been allowing her to torture you. Why would you ever give her power over you like that? Take your life back and kick her memories to the curb…. Never empower someone for 3 years with your emotions when they are no longer part of your life!!!! Take all precautions to avoid any contact with her. Next time she "Bumps into you", tell her her out right to leave you alone and stay away, a few insults here can go a long way. If she insists on seeing you take out a restraining order if you can. Just avoid her at all costs. Within time she should avoid you also as you will not be validating her ego any more. She will find other orbiters to do that..... It's time you looked after No#1..... Yourself!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 On 9/25/2020 at 12:52 AM, johndoes said: My question is do I continue to go to my close friends events when I know she is going to be there or do I just move on from them to make myself better? I'd stop going to their events. They've made it clear that their loyalty is with her more than it is with you. If they want that kind of a person around their children, then that tells you a lot about what kind of people they really are. Just do the fade on them. Quit answering their phone calls and emails. Put them on block so you don't have to deal with their sob story about missing you and wanting to see you (and her putting on the spectacle so they have something to talk about). Make yourself better and you'll attract a better circle of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 (edited) Here’s a question: Why are you still hanging on 3 years later to a dead relationship, when you could have moved on by now with a new girlfriend? Your friends are not responsible for your refusal to get over your ex g/f. Do not get them involved and force them to choose sides. That’s immature to think that they should get involved in helping you get over her. You can’t move on from her, because you don’t want to. That’s your first and only major problem here. 3 years! Stop dwelling. That relationship ended because it was not a good relationship. You and she are playing games with each other and if you think your friends don’t see this, you’d be wrong. Why are you making your love life your friends’ responsibility? Don’t do that anymore. I think you should see a therapist about this. At the very least, start dating other women again. Maybe have a rebound or some FWB situations. Anything to snap you out of this self-induced pity party you’ve been having for yourself for 3 years. Time to move on. And stop going to events at friends’ places where you know she’ll be. You’ve done that already and look how that’s worked for you. She flirts with you, you assume she wants to get back together (she doesn’t), and since you are still in love with her, you have drunken sex romps with her when you can b/c you don’t want to emotionally move on from this. You are clearly still wounded and as much as you resent her, you still love her. Don’t you. Edited October 3, 2020 by Watercolors Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts