Chris w Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Hi everyone this is my first post and I need some advice. My wife was prescribed pregabalin medication which is highly addictive and is used mainly for epilepsy 6 months ago for lower back pain and I noticed that her personality was changing and her mood so I decided enough was enough and I raised the issue with her, probably a bad move as she reacted terribly! I got home from work about 7 weeks ago and the amount of abuse she gave me was horrendous and she said it’s not the tablets and that she wants to separate and take the children! ( she’s been off the meds for 7 weeks after she went cold turkey ) and has been moved out for 5 weeks. Anyway ever since about 4 weeks ago we’ve been getting on like a house on fire she’s been over for dinner with the children, we’ve been out walking the dogs together and we even went out on a date last Saturday don’t get me wrong the closeness isn’t fully there but it’s getting better. We’ve been out today for breakfast and shopping etc which was nice. She instantly replies to texts etc weve started having a laugh and a joke again which is what we’ve always been like. I can see that she’s getting back to normal slowly but I can also see she’s still going through withdrawals, she’s not sleeping well, scratching and I can tell her brain hasn’t healed properly yet. From the research that I’ve done it can take months for her to get back to normal especially her cognitive behaviour. From what I can gather she feels embarrassed for the way she’s acted and she’s not ready to admit it. We’re connecting again which is amazing for us and the children I just don’t know if I should wait to bring the subject up of us or wait a bit longer until she’s more comfortable to talk about what happened things are going so well at the moment I just don’t know what to do....any advice would be welcome as this isn’t like a regular separation! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she is working on good co-parenting relationship for the sake of the kids. Get an attorney. Moving out is not reconciling, it's a very definitive step toward divorce. Why was prescribed pregabalin? Does she have a seizure disorder or chronic pain? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris w Posted September 25, 2020 Author Share Posted September 25, 2020 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she is working on good co-parenting relationship for the sake of the kids. Get an attorney. Moving out is not reconciling, it's a very definitive step toward divorce. Why was prescribed pregabalin? Does she have a seizure disorder or chronic pain? Sorry I should have expanded more, she only had lower back pain. When we’re together it’s like we’ve never been apart kisses on the cheek, cuddles etc. I asked her today and she said she feels embarrassed by what she’s done Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Chris. Do not listen to what she says. Pay attention to what she has done and is doing. She could be placating you while she sets you up for a surprise. It's been done before so don't think your relationship is special. Has she made any new friends within the last five or six months? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 I'd go with a bit of a fake it 'till you make it approach & not deal with it directly but ask if she's ready to move back in. Do pay close attention to how she acts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris w Posted September 25, 2020 Author Share Posted September 25, 2020 46 minutes ago, schlumpy said: Chris. Do not listen to what she says. Pay attention to what she has done and is doing. She could be placating you while she sets you up for a surprise. It's been done before so don't think your relationship is special. Has she made any new friends within the last five or six months? No new friends at all, she only changed whilst she was on the pregabalin but now she’s off it she seems like she’s getting back to normal slowly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris w Posted September 25, 2020 Author Share Posted September 25, 2020 23 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I'd go with a bit of a fake it 'till you make it approach & not deal with it directly but ask if she's ready to move back in. Do pay close attention to how she acts. I have been 😊 her body language has been good since she came off them, she told her friend that she had a lovely time when we had date night Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 How do you know what she told her friend? Get your kids back under your roof. Then start counseling. Do not wade into the deep waters without proper supervision. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 (edited) Does she have a job Chris? If not, where is her income coming from? Are her current friends single, divorced or married? Does she go out with her friends and drink? Edited September 25, 2020 by schlumpy Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 25, 2020 Share Posted September 25, 2020 Sounds like this could go either way. My thought would be to hope for the best, but plan for the worst JIC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 9 hours ago, Chris w said: I noticed that her personality was changing and her mood so I decided enough was enough and I raised the issue with her, probably a bad move as she reacted terribly! This was a good move. Maybe not the short term results you were looking for. But better than putting up with her bad behavior for how long..... What you posted has got affair written all over it. If she's willing to come back home, this would be a good thing. The longer she stays away the farther she will drift away from you. Try not to make life to comfortable for her while she is away, show her life would be better if she came back to you. Insist on marriage counseling when she returns. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Chris w said: Hi everyone this is my first post and I need some advice. My wife was prescribed pregabalin medication which is highly addictive and is used mainly for epilepsy 6 months ago for lower back pain and I noticed that her personality was changing and her mood so I decided enough was enough and I raised the issue with her, probably a bad move as she reacted terribly! I got home from work about 7 weeks ago and the amount of abuse she gave me was horrendous and she said it’s not the tablets and that she wants to separate and take the children! ( she’s been off the meds for 7 weeks after she went cold turkey ) and has been moved out for 5 weeks. Anyway ever since about 4 weeks ago we’ve been getting on like a house on fire she’s been over for dinner with the children, we’ve been out walking the dogs together and we even went out on a date last Saturday don’t get me wrong the closeness isn’t fully there but it’s getting better. We’ve been out today for breakfast and shopping etc which was nice. She instantly replies to texts etc weve started having a laugh and a joke again which is what we’ve always been like. I can see that she’s getting back to normal slowly but I can also see she’s still going through withdrawals, she’s not sleeping well, scratching and I can tell her brain hasn’t healed properly yet. From the research that I’ve done it can take months for her to get back to normal especially her cognitive behaviour. From what I can gather she feels embarrassed for the way she’s acted and she’s not ready to admit it. We’re connecting again which is amazing for us and the children I just don’t know if I should wait to bring the subject up of us or wait a bit longer until she’s more comfortable to talk about what happened things are going so well at the moment I just don’t know what to do....any advice would be welcome as this isn’t like a regular separation! You need to attend NAR-ANON and/or ALANON meetings. They are sort of like NA/AA meetings how ever they are specifically for the family members of addicts in recovery. Really look for people who have been part of the program for a while (years) and look for meetings that focus on the program, not bashing their addict family members. Not all meetings are created equal, it can be difficult to find a good one and you might have to drive to a bigger City to find one. But it will be worth your time. You'll be able to learn more about the recovery process and numerous other things to help your spouse (or ex). This is not something you want to be doing blindly or simply off of internet articles, it might be a bit overkill but if it's a legitimate addiction it won't be. You need advice from people who have experienced RX addiction and have family who have been through it. If you don't want to attend NAR-ANON or ALANON meetings, then I'd suggest finding an LMFT who specializes or at least has experience in dealing with substance abuse. Edited September 26, 2020 by Dork Vader Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 She was prescribed an appropriate medication for chronic pain. However it is a scheduled substance so it does have dependence potential. More importantly it's unwise to believe the drugs made her decide to separate and move out. Furthermore shaming and blaming her for taking the medication isn't helping. Even though she is being civil with you, it's for the kids... not to get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
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