An Uncomfortable situation for Me.

[NotAChampion]

Hello, I’m new to Forums so if I break any rules sorry. Also I will do my best to keep this short. I’ve had a coworker for two years and I had a crush on her for around a year. My crush had pretty much faded away a few months ago since I don’t date coworkers and I’d never picked up any hints back. Recently we all became permanent work from home(thanks covid) so I assumed it was a non issue. Some coworkers ended up hanging out at my house and she came over. I thought nothing of it. When my other coworkers left she wanted to stay and I let her know it was okay. She said she wanted to stay as friend and I let her know that was completely okay. I have four sisters and I’ve never considered taking advantage a drunk girl anywhere near acceptable. She then proceeded to blatantly flirt with me all night and I mean even I couldn’t miss these hints. I assumed she was just drunk and we ran out of liquor anyway. several hours later  we were pretty sober so whatever.I took her to my bedroom and then went to lay down on my couch. She got out of my bed came to the couch and got under the covers. We ended up fooling around but did not completely have sex. We fooled around more the next day and I took her home late in the afternoon. I expected nothing from her after that and don’t believe she owed me anything.  I was just happy I spent some time with a super cute girl. A few days later I was swimming with a mutual coworker (Closer to her) Who mentioned it took them a year to get her to admit who she liked. The coworker told me because I swore up and down nothing happened between us. She likes my best friend who works with me, lives next to me and we spend so much time together resturant staff will ask us where the other one is when we go alone. I was upset she chose to fool around with me if she’s aiming for my friend. She probably asked about him 5-7 times when she stayed at my place. Comments like “I’m surprised he hasn’t come over yet”. I thought nothing of it because people say stuff like that all the time. My problem is that she’s integral to a large group of close work friends. I like my friends but they constantly invite both of us to the same things and I just don’t want to be around her. I Can’t think of good reasons to not go when they can invite her at any time. I don’t hate her and don’t want to explain what happened to our mutual female friends to embarrass her. I honestly feel disrespected and just would rather not associate with her anymore. Any good ides on how to avoid these situations? Super sorry this is so long. 

Edited September 26, 2020 by NotAChampion

[Wiseman2]

Don't alter a thing or avoid your friends. She's a bit flaky, so you know the inside story. Just be polite and enjoy the rest of the people.

[Lotsgoingon]

You need to have a talk with her. And you can say you heard that she was into your friend. There are times when you have to talk things out to figure out what is what. It's totally legit that you would want to find out what's what.

BTW: it's very confident to go to someone and say the other night was a good time. But I need to know something. And ask her about her feelings toward you and about your friend. Mention that she asked about bf 5 to 7 times during the night. 

Having feelings for your friend doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for you. Of course, she may have just wanted to snuggle with someone as a way to break through the isolation we've all been through, and you were a male she likes (even if she's more into your friend).

It's conversation time bro. You don't want to be guessing on this. And just so you know, there is nothing insecure or clingy about getting clarification from someone about their desires and intentions. It's actually quite confident because it's direct and what you'll be communicating is ... before I get any big feelings for you, I need to know what is going on with you. You don't even need to tell her that you always found her good looking, but you can if you want. Put it that way: you always found her attractive. You don't need to say you had a "crush" on her.

It sounds like you've kept your crush in check ... and sounds like you're holding back in a smart way--until you figure out what's going on.  You can survive this situation. Just get clarity from her and then pull back a little ... over time the crush can die down ... you'll find someone else you're interested in. Or maybe she'll express an interest in you, despite with the mutual friend has said.

 

[NotAChampion]

Thanks for your responses Lotsgoingon and Wisemane2. I would contact her but I deleted Facebook and messenger was our primary form of contact. Over about a year she’s been given my number twice and she asked our friend for it a few weeks back but I never got a text. I say that to mention I really can’t contact her right now. Also I’d rather not do it when were a group hanging out which is the only other time I see her. I now honestly think she may just be someone who fools around a lot. Not trying to insult her personally but just an observation. I’ll just have to try riding this out and talking to other girls.