Guy never calls just text.

[Yungstagurl]

I started talking to this guy about 2 weeks ago. He's like 10 years older than me. He text me everyday, throughout the day, every morning,  in the evening or night. Sometimes all day. He has called like twice but other than that he doesn't call..only text everyday. I'm trying to just go with the flow and see what happens since we just started talking, but should I consider this a red flag? 

[Watercolors]

Eww. He doesn't call you because he doesn't view you as someone he wants to commit to a real relationship with you. Do you two ever see each other in person? Or, is this a strictly text relationship?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Yungstagurl said:

I started talking to this guy about 2 weeks ago. He's like 10 years older than me. He text me everyday, throughout the day, every morning,  in the evening or night. Sometimes all day. He has called like twice but other than that he doesn't call..only text everyday. I'm trying to just go with the flow and see what happens since we just started talking, but should I consider this a red flag? 

Have you met? Is he local? Is he married? If someone is texting for 2 weeks and not asking you out it's a red flag. Do not text this much. Texting is cheap, lazy and can be done from his wife's/GF's toilet. Stop all the texting and redirect your energy toward men who want to meet.

[Watercolors]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met? Is he local? Is he married? If someone is texting for 2 weeks and not asking you out it's a red flag. Do not text this much. Texting is cheap, lazy and can be done from his wife's/GF's toilet. Stop all the texting and redirect your energy toward men who want to meet.

You are wise...man. 👏

[Yungstagurl]

11 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Eww. He doesn't call you because he doesn't view you as someone he wants to commit to a real relationship with you. Do you two ever see each other in person? Or, is this a strictly text relationship?

I've never met him. He has asked me out last weekend and I couldn't go because I had to go out of town. He also offered dinner but I had to work. 

[Yungstagurl]

12 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

You are wise...man. 👏

 

Edited September 26, 2020 by Yungstagurl

[Yungstagurl]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met? Is he local? Is he married? If someone is texting for 2 weeks and not asking you out it's a red flag. Do not text this much. Texting is cheap, lazy and can be done from his wife's/GF's toilet. Stop all the texting and redirect your energy toward men who want to meet.

He has asked me out but i couldn't make it and he also offered to make dinner another time. He says he wants to meet. 

[d0nnivain]

Some misguided souls think talking on the phone is invasive.  

Next time he texts, write, hey can we actually talk on the phone?  Call me.  I'd like to hear your voice. 

See what he does.  

Whatever you do, make sure your 1st meeting is in a public space.  Do not go to his house for dinner.  

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, Yungstagurl said:

I've never met him. He has asked me out last weekend and I couldn't go because I had to go out of town. He also offered dinner but I had to work. 

You need to make time to date, if you want to date. Suggest a time you are free, or cut the guy loose.

[hippychick3]

Until you guys meet in person and go on an actual date, you’re strangers to each other. You are investing way too much time in even just texting at this point. You’ve already talked on the phone twice, so I don’t see the need to talk again before actually meeting. 

[Azincourt]

20 hours ago, Yungstagurl said:

I started talking to this guy about 2 weeks ago. He's like 10 years older than me. He text me everyday, throughout the day, every morning,  in the evening or night. Sometimes all day. He has called like twice but other than that he doesn't call..only text everyday. I'm trying to just go with the flow and see what happens since we just started talking, but should I consider this a red flag? 

First of all..

Why are you talking to a man who is 10 years older than you??? Does your father know about this??

Second, yeah, so what? I hate calling. I feel like a fool talking into a metal box, especially when I'm outside of the house. I hate phone calls. I hate everything related to cellphones. I'll text, but only because I have to, and even then I keep it short and succint. That guy is probably the same.

No, lmao, a man not being into phone calls is not a red flag.  

Quote

Some misguided souls think talking on the phone is invasive.  

Dunno about being invasive, but it's boring. It's childish, and it's not comfortable to talk on the phone. I don't have an iphone 11 or whatever other expensive android phone people use. I have a 20 dollars phone that I've had for the last 10 years. I have a pre-paid card. I don't do ''monthly payments'' to companies that are already filthy rich, and I ain't wasting money on phone calls that don't have a reason to happen.

This is what I do.

I see someone I find to be interesting, I go up to her and I start talking. Does she seem responsive?

I give her my business card with my number on it and tell her to text me sometime.

She either does or she doesn't, and when she does, I set up a date to meet at the local dog park/beach/library/shopping mall etc. I ain't into spending weeks or months talking to women online or through the phone.

If you aren't afraid of the covid-19 virus, if I was you I'd talk to this guy into meeting you as fast as possible, and then see if there's chemistry or something between the two of you.

Edited September 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[Watercolors]

1 hour ago, hippychick3 said:

Until you guys meet in person and go on an actual date, you’re strangers to each other. You are investing way too much time in even just texting at this point. You’ve already talked on the phone twice, so I don’t see the need to talk again before actually meeting. 

I don't miss this major flaw with online dating. Guys (and yes, gals) create a sense of false emotional intimacy with you via text messaging for days or weeks with no intention of ever taking it offline to meet you face to face. All this behavior is, is to feed their ego. And create a false construct of who they want you to think they are.

Stop investing your emotional energy into texting only with this guy. Since he's talked to you on the phone twice now, he has no excuse for why he can't call you instead. The next time he texts you, respond by calling him. If he lets your call go to voicemail, drop him. He's a cad.

If you can't meet up with the person within a few days of connecting on the dating app, then you should never waste your time texting back and forth with them. Most of the time, that's just done for ego stroking on their part and never leads to a real date in person.

[Watercolors]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

No, lmao, a man not being into phone calls is not a red flag.  

Of course it is! Long before the internet and cell phones that allow for texting and emailing, there was just the LAN line phone with no answering machine and no voicemail.

Yet somehow, people successfully met each other, dated, and got married.

A man who refuses to talk on the phone has something to hide. Sorry, but it's the truth. He can't be bothered to invest time and energy to hear his date's voice and have a real conversation with her before the date, he's just not that invested. Sorry.

[smackie9]

Hey he's trying to get a date out of you, until then, he's not going to be very invested until he does meet you. I think your expectation of phone calls is too much for someone you haven't met yet. Come up with a time you can be available, and save the talking for the date.

[Watercolors]

9 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Hey he's trying to get a date out of you, until then, he's not going to be very invested until he does meet you. I think your expectation of phone calls is too much for someone you haven't met yet. Come up with a time you can be available, and save the talking for the date.

Now that's utterly ridiculous, smackie9. He already spoke to her twice on the phone. She's not asking him to sign a car loan in her name. I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to expect more phone calls since they already spoke on the phone. I think texting is just lazy and childish, esp. if they haven't even bee on the first date yet.

OP, why is this dragging on this way? In two weeks, you two should have found one hour or even 30 minutes to go for a walk in person at the minimum to meet and get to know each other. Or, a coffee.

[smackie9]

And BTW in the days before texting and cel phones, IM, emails,  I didn't talk on the phone for hours with a guy that I haven't had a date with yet. The process was: you met, and talked, he asks for your number, he calls you to set up a date, then he called you the day of to confirm time and where he was taking me, that's it. The conversation was on dates. When it developed into a relationship, that's when phone calls were necessary.

[Watercolors]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

And BTW in the days before texting and cel phones, IM, emails,  I didn't talk on the phone for hours with a guy that I haven't had a date with yet. The process was: you met, and talked, he asks for your number, he calls you to set up a date, then he called you the day of to confirm time and where he was taking me, that's it. The conversation was on dates. When it developed into a relationship, that's when phone calls were necessary.

For everyone it's different, a personal choice. In the 1980s and 90s, I would spend hours talking on the phone with guys and this was before and during dating them, and it always helped grow the emotional intimacy between us. You cannot grow emotional intimacy with another person via text message. That's just not real communication. I know you and I have disagreed about the purpose of texting in dating before, so I understand that we will never see eye to eye about it.

Phone calls are not for utility reasons. The process you describe is not how it works. I'm a lot older than you too. But again, maybe for you they are. For me, I love talking on the phone. I hate texting. I just won't respond to people's texts anymore and that annoys some people. I will respond by calling them back.

Edited September 27, 2020 by Watercolors

[smackie9]

1 minute ago, Watercolors said:

Now that's utterly ridiculous, smackie9. He already spoke to her twice on the phone. She's not asking him to sign a car loan in her name. I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to expect more phone calls since they already spoke on the phone. I think texting is just lazy and childish, esp. if they haven't even bee on the first date yet.

OP, why is this dragging on this way? In two weeks, you two should have found one hour or even 30 minutes to go for a walk in person at the minimum to meet and get to know each other. Or, a coffee.

I totally disagree. Why should he invest so much when they are total strangers. She has turned him down twice, what is a guy to think right? Making more phone calls and invest more after not being able to meet? Now that's being ridiculous.

[Watercolors]

Just now, smackie9 said:

I totally disagree. Why should he invest so much when they are total strangers. She has turned him down twice, what is a guy to think right? Making more phone calls and invest more after not being able to meet? Now that's being ridiculous.

Have you never dated without the crutch of texting? My guess is you haven't. You encourage her to waste her time texting with him, as thought that's the best solution. It's not.

it's ridiculous that they haven't met yet, if anything. After two weeks, as my grandmother would say, "either s--- or get off the pot!" OP, if you want to meet him, suggest a date and time. If you don't want to meet him, end things with him today. And stop wasting your time .

[Azincourt]

25 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Of course it is! Long before the internet and cell phones that allow for texting and emailing, there was just the LAN line phone with no answering machine and no voicemail.

Yet somehow, people successfully met each other, dated, and got married.

A man who refuses to talk on the phone has something to hide. Sorry, but it's the truth. He can't be bothered to invest time and energy to hear his date's voice and have a real conversation with her before the date, he's just not that invested. Sorry.

Nah, a man not enjoying being on the phone is not a red flag. What's a red flag is when a man keeps postponing meeting in real life, when she's interested in getting to know him face to face, and he doesn't have a valid reason to delay going on a date with her.

And before the LAN line phone, people still met and got married and all that jazz. My parents would knock on each other's parents houses and if dad or mom wasn't there, they'd leave and try again the other day, but these days people want to be attached by the hip even before they're married, with their constant calls and text messages and facebook wall updates and instagram and twitter. 

It's insane. These women and these men expect endless constant daily contact 24/7, and then you get in a relationship and they expect you to keep them updated on your day to day. How are people supposed to miss each other when there's no room, no space, no time, for people to truly miss something, someone that is always there, like the oxygen we breathe.

My most fond memories are of being a teenager, of going to a small village with my parents, when there were no cellphones still ,and no internet, and I would meet with the local girls and guys at the local coffee shop and we'd hang out and go swimming and go play soccer, and then we'd go back home and we would only see and hear of each other the next day.

Nah, what does a man who doesn't like to talk on the phone have to hide? It's boring. It's annoying, it's childish and it's tiring to grab a phone and to talk into it for hours, when I could be doing something more productive with my time like working out or reading a book or playing with my dog.

It feels so impersonal. It's a metal instrument. It has no ''soul'' to it, and it's expensive as heck, and  money only drops on my bank account once a month, and then I have to strech  that money to last me the entire month.

People can't have ''real'' conversations with someone they have never met through a phone.  People need to meet up face to face before anything real can happen, and I ain't into this ''I play world of warcraft and that's how i met my wife'' stuff that has been going on for the last 20 years.

I want to see her, i want to smell her, I want to feel her around me, near me, and there ain't no phone no matter how many pictures it can take in high-rez that can make me feel that. 

A phone is just a tool, and It ain't an artist's brush.

It's insane how much social media and phones and the internet permeates the dating lives of everyone who doesn't live in a tiny village in India.

Edited September 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

3 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Have you never dated without the crutch of texting? My guess is you haven't. You encourage her to waste her time texting with him, as thought that's the best solution. It's not.

it's ridiculous that they haven't met yet, if anything. After two weeks, as my grandmother would say, "either s--- or get off the pot!" OP, if you want to meet him, suggest a date and time. If you don't want to meet him, end things with him today. And stop wasting your time .

I've been dating since before I was 13 and I can count on my hands the times I've actually done a phone call that wasn't aimed at my parents or grandparents. I've always found caling on the phone or on the cellphone or even texting, or even using IM or facebok messages to be absurd. Where's the sensuality in being behind a keyboard or behind a mass of copper wires and steel and plastic that a phone is, and talking my life away, when it's so much more pleasurable and beautiful to have her sitting in front of me with her eyes roaming from my own eyes down to my lips, my chest, my shoulders, my biceps, and then back again as her hands and her feelings itch to touch my soft, full, thick, hair, and to feel how silken it is?

Can a woman touch me through a phone? I ain't into phone sex.

I don't feel emotionally or sexually aroused when I'm listening to a metallic voice through all of this plastic and steel, by someone who is miles away from me.

[smackie9]

19 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

For everyone it's different, a personal choice. In the 1980s and 90s, I would spend hours talking on the phone with guys and this was before and during dating them, and it always helped grow the emotional intimacy between us. You cannot grow emotional intimacy with another person via text message. That's just not real communication. I know you and I have disagreed about the purpose of texting in dating before, so I understand that we will never see eye to eye about it.

Phone calls are not for utility reasons. The process you describe is not how it works. I'm a lot older than you too. But again, maybe for you they are. For me, I love talking on the phone. I hate texting. I just won't respond to people's texts anymore and that annoys some people. I will respond by calling them back.

I'm 56, but I'm more youthful inside. I had my first BF in 1978....maybe it was the summer of '77...such a long time ago.

Edited September 27, 2020 by smackie9

[smackie9]

19 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Have you never dated without the crutch of texting? My guess is you haven't. You encourage her to waste her time texting with him, as thought that's the best solution. It's not.

 

You are putting words into my mouth. I never said she should waste more of her time with texting, I never said anything about what she should do. My post was his probable point of view, after two attempts for a date, why should he and why should she expect it from someone she hasn't even met yet. He's put her back on the options list most likely. There is a thing called overly invested, and this guy isn't going to go there. When I met my husband the only thing around were pagers. Like no one except business people had those 2 pound cel phones.

Edited September 27, 2020 by smackie9

[Azincourt]

8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I'm 56, but I'm more youthful inside.

You tell her!

I'm in my 30s but I still feel like I'm 21, and I still look the part too. Just gotta make sure I remember to shave my face daily or the white hairs on my chin will give me away LMAO.

Quote

For everyone it's different, a personal choice. In the 1980s and 90s, I would spend hours talking on the phone with guys and this was before and during dating them, and it always helped grow the emotional intimacy between us. You cannot grow emotional intimacy with another person via text message. That's just not real communication. I know you and I have disagreed about the purpose of texting in dating before, so I understand that we will never see eye to eye about it.

Sure, but here's the thing.

Do you find it pleasurable to spend hours a day playing soccer?  swimming? Running? Playing tennis? Pulling iron? You probably don't, but I enjoy all those activities quite a bit. Because it makes me feel strong, alive, empowered. It makes my blood breathe and flow faster within my veins. It makes me feel like a living god, with all of the health and vitality of youth that comes along with being physically active.

That's me.

This is how I feel, and obviously I feel more emotionally connected with a woman who goes to the beach with me, who spends hours running on the sand with me. I feel more connected with a woman who spots me at the gym. I feel more intimate with a woman who plays soccer, and boy do I fall in love every time I see a 19 year old wearing a soccer kit walking down the street.

How am I supposed to feel emotionally connected with a woman talking to her on the phone? Someone I never met in real life before? How? Am I supposed to curl my finger around the landline phone cord and giggle while my younger sisters are at the foot of the bed asking me when is she going to ask me out, te-heheee?

A phone is a tool that honestly I use mostly as an alarm clock. I use it to know the time. I use it to give women I date the time and the place where the next date is going to take place, and it's something I also use to keep in touch with friends.

You cannot grow emotional connections with someone you've never met before having your first date. I spent 5 hours a day talking to a woman when I was 22, on the phone, and the only reason I did this was because I wanted to have sex with her, and the only reason I was on the phone instead of actually talking to her in person was due to the fact that she went to visit her auntie for the summer and was away 700 miles and I ain't about to drive 700 miles for sex, and funnily enough, all of these 2 or 3 months I spent talking to her for 5 hours didn't make me feel emotionally connected to her, it just made me chuckle at how far a guy goes to sleep with a hot woman, because she's hot.

I spent good money that summer on phone calls, and the sex wasn't even good. What a waste of a summer.

Edited September 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

On the other hand, there's a young woman who lives on my street whom I often encounter on my doggy-walks and we stay apart from each other by like 10 feet or whatever, talking to each other from afar with a piece of cloth covering our faces and I feel far more intimate and connected with this person that I can SEE with my own eyes, and hear of with my own ears, than I ever did with that woman with whom I spent so many hours talking on the phone.

Gosh, I really hate phones.