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Fiancee still in contact with a guy trying to ask her out?

global13

By global13,
in General Relationship Discussion

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global13

global13

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Fiancee is being pursued by a guy from her previous worksite. She said they got along well and interests in common (while at that worksite and was my girlfriend at the time). She told him then that she was in a serious relationship and was ok being friends with him. He continues to pursue her. She responds to his texts as a friend. Is that ok? Am I off base to want her to not respond to his texts (non romantic texts).

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schlumpy

schlumpy

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Either the guy has a screw loose or for some reason he thinks he has a chance to get the woman that agreed to marry you to get with him. Why would he think that?

I'm surprised she is even in contact with him since she understands his intentions. You would think she would block him out. She is either very nice or trying to placate him and control the situation before it gets out of control. Are you free to read her messages?

If you can be civilized consider having a chat with him. That should tell you what you need to know.

I think you should resolve this issue before you tie the knot. It would be in your best interest.

 

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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There is no reason for them to stay in contact. He's an ex colleague, they don't have business together anymore, sure they have things in common but she would have plenty in common with 2 guys out of 5 out there that doesn't make him special or friendship material. Do they meet? This guy knows she's in a relationship and he is still pursuing her...your girlfriend lacks bounderies, and lacks respect toward you. Allowing him to text her, chat with her while she knows he wants more makes her an attention junkie. Are you sure this is the woman of you life? A woman that allows blurry lines between her and other men!

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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She's not doing anything "wrong" as in unethical.  It's not cheating but this guy is not her friend & she's lying to herself if she thinks he is.  He wants to date her.  He does not want some platonic thing.  He thinks she's lying about the existence of a serious relationship / engagement just to play hard to get.   She may be getting her ego stroked here but it's not a relationship that should continue.  She's not being fair to the guy.  I'm not saying they can't remain connected on social media but anything more is probably too much.  

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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16 hours ago, global13 said:

Fiancee is being pursued by a guy from her previous worksite. She said they got along well and interests in common. She told him then that she was in a serious relationship and was ok being friends with him.

It sounds like they are friends. What makes you assume "he is pursuing her"?

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global13

global13

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7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It sounds like they are friends. What makes you assume "he is pursuing her"?

She knows he has a massive crush on her.  That's what i'm not sure about...is it ok for her to be friends with someone who has a massive crush on her.  Something I wouldn't do if roles reversed. Perhaps my thinking/expectation is off..hence the question.

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Watercolors

Watercolors

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On 9/27/2020 at 5:30 PM, global13 said:

She knows he has a massive crush on her.  That's what i'm not sure about...is it ok for her to be friends with someone who has a massive crush on her.  Something I wouldn't do if roles reversed. Perhaps my thinking/expectation is off..hence the question.

It's not smart to be friends with someone who has a crush on you. That person will not respect your boundaries b/c they want you in a way they can't have you. She's playing with fire, allowing this text friendship to continue.

I guarantee that he misconstrues her texts to him as romantic, even if they aren't meant to be. Because he wants them to be romantic in tone, that's how he frames their context, so that he can create a fantasy text relationship with your fiancé.

If she knows he has a massive crush on her, she's either really naive the way she interprets his persistent communication with her, or, she's taking advantage of this poor fellow's gullibility and encouraging his attention because it feeds her ego. Which do you think best describes your fiancé's motives? 

Really, she needs to stop texting with him. Or he won't accept the reality that she's marrying you and he doesn't have a chance with her. 

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Watercolors

Watercolors

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On 9/26/2020 at 8:59 PM, Gaeta said:

There is no reason for them to stay in contact. He's an ex colleague, they don't have business together anymore, sure they have things in common but she would have plenty in common with 2 guys out of 5 out there that doesn't make him special or friendship material. Do they meet? This guy knows she's in a relationship and he is still pursuing her...your girlfriend lacks bounderies, and lacks respect toward you. Allowing him to text her, chat with her while she knows he wants more makes her an attention junkie. Are you sure this is the woman of you life? A woman that allows blurry lines between her and other men!

Agree with you Gaeta 100%! 

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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On 9/27/2020 at 6:30 PM, global13 said:

She knows he has a massive crush on her.

Reflect on why she would tell you this. Is she insecure? Does she typically create drama for attention?

Don't act jealous or possessive. Ignore it. " Massive crush"? She sounds conceited.

Rethink the relationship. It's not about whether some random coworkers are friends.

It's about her thinking she's such " massive" hot stuff and needs to rub this in your face 

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Poutrew

Poutrew

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You could cut out the centerfold of a girlie magazine (is playboy even still around?) and tell her this is the woman from work who you are still chatting with and that you know she has a heavy duty crush on you. Then ask her if she thinks it's OK. Either she'll get it, or she wont.  On second thought, don't bother. Just dump her. By telling you what she has told you, she is saying that you better be on your toes because she can be in another man's bed by the end of the day whenever she wants... I'd hold the door open for her and wish her good luck as she is leaving for his bed, never to return.  A woman who loves you will forsake ALL others. This one has no intention of doing so...

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Fletch Lives

Fletch Lives

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If she has not introduced you to him, and you and your fiance don't get together with him, she's hiding him - he's a backup guy at the least, cheating at worst.

If that's the case, get a backup girl of your own to text - maybe when the shoe is on the other foot, she'll realize her mistake and change her ways.

If not, you might have a backup girl.

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