He lied about loving me ? He does not anything to do with me anymore ?

[qzati]

 

We have been sleeping together for three years. For a year now he has asking me if I am in love with him and I said no every time. Several times he accidentally said he loves me(I mean on purpose to see my reaction)but I did not answer anything so ce corrected himself.

Two months ago he asked me again if I love him, I said yes. He was suspicious but he also said he loves me. That I am his love. He kept asking me why I did not want to be his girlfriend, to be in a relationship.

We saw each other one night, we drank a couple of drinks. He told me he loves me. While we were together he asked me if I wanted to get pregnant, to be his wife, I did not answer him anything. He asked me a copule of times to be his wife. He asked me do I only love sex with him or do I love him, I said both. The next time we saw each other, he asked me if I want to have a child, I said I was not ready. After that, he was colder towards me.

Last time we saw each other, I joked how he is busy becuse of job, he said he do not have time to have a girlfriend. He said that one girl maybe will be his girlfriend. I aksed him why he told me he loves me if he wants to be with another girl. And he said that I am not serious (serious about him) that I do not call him, and that he loves me as a person.

Where did that change come from ? Why is he telling me about another girl ? He does not want anything to do with me anymore ? He lied about loving me ?

[stillafool]

Because he is seeing you and the other girl and he's holding out for the one who wants his baby and marriage more.  She obviously answers all of his stupid questions with excitement so she's winning.  You dodged a bullet.

[Mystery4u]

Because it seems for 3 years you have shown no real interest in having a relationship with him, and see no future with him.

He did the right thing, he is wasting his time with you, as you are with him.

You both need to go your separate ways.

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, qzati said:

Where did that change come from ?

This:

2 hours ago, qzati said:

Several times he accidentally said he loves me(I mean on purpose to see my reaction)but I did not answer anything

He kept asking me why I did not want to be his girlfriend, to be in a relationship.

What was your answer?

Quote

He asked me do I only love sex with him or do I love him, I said both.

The next time we saw each other, he asked me if I want to have a child, I said I was not ready. After that, he was colder towards me.

Last time we saw each other, I joked how he is busy becuse of job,

That wasn't a joke on your part--that was you noticing a "shift in the force"... it's just that he didn't do what you've been expecting him to do.

Quote

he said he do not have time to have a girlfriend.

He said that one girl maybe will be his girlfriend.

he said that I am not serious (serious about him)

.I mean, I'm getting this from you, too, on this post.

Quote

Why is he telling me about another girl ?

You're being dismissed for someone who is taking him more seriously than you appear to be.

Quote

He does not want anything to do with me anymore ?

What more is there to do with you? More sex with no deep, emotional connection when he's been telling you that's what he's looking for and you've been shining him on? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Quote

He lied about loving me ?

Most likely no. He was really into you, but you made it clear that that was a one-sided endeavor and you weren't checking for him like that. So he did was any emotionally well adjusted person does: he's decided that this is basically over, except for the breaking up, and he's finding/has found someone else, like I said, who is in the head and heart space like him to take him seriously. He's done being your toy. You didn't want what he was offering, so why are you acting so brand new?

Edited September 27, 2020 by kendahke

[ExpatInItaly]

What did you expect to happen?

You don’t appear to have the same interest in him that he once had in you, so he’s moving on. 

[Mrin]

Weird questions from the guy for sure but...

OP's story in food: today I went into a little Italian bistro around the corner at around 4:00 p.m. The place was empty so they seated me at a table at the window. It was a pretty view. Gorgeous day outside. After a few minutes they brought me some water and the waiter asked me if I wanted anything to drink. 

I said no.

He handed me a menu and then wandered off. about 5 minutes later he stopped by and asked me if I wanted to order any food.

I said no.

He looked at me quizzically and then said he would be back in a little bit to check on me.

About 10 minutes later he stopped by and asked me if I wanted to order any food.

I said no.

This kept happening every 10 minutes for the better part of 3 hours.

It's now 7:00 p.m. and the place is packed. My waiter hasn't been by to check on me for 45 minutes! Can you believe it??? He has plenty of time to swing by the tables next to me refilling water glasses and bringing food and drink. He won't even glance in my direction and my water glass has been empty for at least 20 minutes!

What horrible service!!!

[smackie9]

He was being passive aggressive. The girl he speaks of is YOU. You both have been dancing around this without any real honest discussion of expectation...you just sit there like a lump saying nothing...I would have to say what is your deal? Obviously this guy has been pining for you for 3 years. Why are you holding back? Why not be honest with him??? He is frustrated as hell, and now he is pulling away to see what reaction you will give him. He's looking for proof of what you truly want...do you really love him? want to be with him? have a future with him? He's trying to draw that out of you.

Edited September 28, 2020 by smackie9

[stillafool]

Basically if you wanted the guy you should tell him so instead of playing some "hard to get" game that eventually came off as childish and then question why the other girl won out over you.   They will probably get married.

[d0nnivain]

18 hours ago, qzati said:

 

We have been sleeping together for three years. For a year now he has asking me if I am in love with him and I said no every time. Several times he accidentally said he loves me(I mean on purpose to see my reaction)but I did not answer anything so ce corrected himself.

Two months ago he asked me again if I love him, I said yes. He was suspicious but he also said he loves me. That I am his love. He kept asking me why I did not want to be his girlfriend, to be in a relationship.

* * * .

Where did that change come from ? Why is he telling me about another girl ? He does not want anything to do with me anymore ? He lied about loving me ?

You have posted about this before under other screen names.  

You jerked him around for 3 years, refusing to admit you love him & making him feel insecure & unloved.  You finally said it but you don't want to be in a relationship with him.  

He's fed up with you jerking him around & has finally had enough.  

He didn't lie about love you.  Just all the games you have been playing for all these year has finally killed his feelings for you. 

[Watercolors]

18 hours ago, qzati said:

Where did that change come from ? Why is he telling me about another girl ? He does not want anything to do with me anymore ? He lied about loving me ?

Yes but you admitted in your OP that you don't even love him. And you've posted about him before, under different screen names slightly altering the details of your story each time.

 

33 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You have posted about this before under other screen names.  

You jerked him around for 3 years, refusing to admit you love him & making him feel insecure & unloved.  You finally said it but you don't want to be in a relationship with him.  

He's fed up with you jerking him around & has finally had enough.  

He didn't lie about love you.  Just all the games you have been playing for all these year has finally killed his feelings for you. 

I remember her story too, under different screen names.

OP, at the end of the day you and he just are not compatible. You are using him (and have been) since you two met. He's finally caught on, is fed up with your mind games, and has found a girl who is genuinely interested in him and who respects him more than you do. He is done with you and you are having a hard time letting go of your narcissistic supply. Because you got so much attention and adoration from him for 3 years, and now that supply is about to leave you and you're upset about it. I urge you to get therapy for yourself. You need to learn that you can't get internal feelings of validation by manipulating others - especially guys. You have to value yourself.

[Noproblem]

Lol I doubt there is another girl, he is just tired of rejections and cold answers.

I understand you though, I don't want to tell people I love them all the time, and it's worse if I am asked if I love someone, truth to be told, I might even love them more than they love me, but i don't show it with words.

This guy clearly wanted to know you care about him or love him, he wanted to hear romantic words from you, but that wasn't in your nature, so he either got cold from being emotionally rejected all the time or he indeed found another girl that satisfy his romantic loving side.

You are too cold for him and honestly he is too romantic for you. You guys are not a good match and not a good communicators. He wants kids and you don't, so better not feel bad about it.

I think he does love you, but he wants also more, more from you and you couldn't give him that, so he chose another person.

Time to cut your losses and move on!

What do you wanna do now?

 

Edited September 28, 2020 by Noproblem

[ShyViolet]

He told you he loves you a whole bunch of times, over the past year, and you say that you didn't answer and didn't say anything back.  It sounds like now he's finally decided to move on and stop putting his heart on the line for someone who he's not getting anything back from.  What did you expect??

[stillafool]

Sorry OP, the fog finally lifted and now he's gone.

[qzati]

On 9/28/2020 at 12:29 AM, Mystery4u said:

Because it seems for 3 years you have shown no real interest in having a relationship with him, and see no future with him.

He did the right thing, he is wasting his time with you, as you are with him.

You both need to go your separate ways.

Few month ago in a fight he said that I have ruined his life. We had a fight, he was thinking that I am sleeping with others and said that. He said that we are done but we had back together after that.

[qzati]

23 hours ago, kendahke said:

This:

What was your answer?

That wasn't a joke on your part--that was you noticing a "shift in the force"... it's just that he didn't do what you've been expecting him to do.

.I mean, I'm getting this from you, too, on this post.

You're being dismissed for someone who is taking him more seriously than you appear to be.

What more is there to do with you? More sex with no deep, emotional connection when he's been telling you that's what he's looking for and you've been shining him on? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Most likely no. He was really into you, but you made it clear that that was a one-sided endeavor and you weren't checking for him like that. So he did was any emotionally well adjusted person does: he's decided that this is basically over, except for the breaking up, and he's finding/has found someone else, like I said, who is in the head and heart space like him to take him seriously. He's done being your toy. You didn't want what he was offering, so why are you acting so brand new?

You think he will not call me ?

[qzati]

18 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What did you expect to happen?

You don’t appear to have the same interest in him that he once had in you, so he’s moving on. 

He know I love him. Is that not enought for him ?

[qzati]

4 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

He told you he loves you a whole bunch of times, over the past year, and you say that you didn't answer and didn't say anything back.  It sounds like now he's finally decided to move on and stop putting his heart on the line for someone who he's not getting anything back from.  What did you expect??

He is getting my love. He kniws I love him.

[qzati]

6 hours ago, Noproblem said:

Lol I doubt there is another girl, he is just tired of rejections and cold answers.

I understand you though, I don't want to tell people I love them all the time, and it's worse if I am asked if I love someone, truth to be told, I might even love them more than they love me, but i don't show it with words.

This guy clearly wanted to know you care about him or love him, he wanted to hear romantic words from you, but that wasn't in your nature, so he either got cold from being emotionally rejected all the time or he indeed found another girl that satisfy his romantic loving side.

You are too cold for him and honestly he is too romantic for you. You guys are not a good match and not a good communicators. He wants kids and you don't, so better not feel bad about it.

I think he does love you, but he wants also more, more from you and you couldn't give him that, so he chose another person.

Time to cut your losses and move on!

What do you wanna do now?

 

I will not call him to see him, I decide that. I will go out, chatt with guys, work. If he calls me, I would think if I should go to see him, but if he calls me. I will not show that I am sufferring and want him back.

[qzati]

8 hours ago, smackie9 said:

He was being passive aggressive. The girl he speaks of is YOU. You both have been dancing around this without any real honest discussion of expectation...you just sit there like a lump saying nothing...I would have to say what is your deal? Obviously this guy has been pining for you for 3 years. Why are you holding back? Why not be honest with him??? He is frustrated as hell, and now he is pulling away to see what reaction you will give him. He's looking for proof of what you truly want...do you really love him? want to be with him? have a future with him? He's trying to draw that out of you.

Similar situation has been one year before. We had a fight, he said that I am sleeping with others. He said that I am nothing for him, that I am not his girlfrriend, that he will only his girlfriend drive home. But when we back together, he talked how he wants serios relationship, to have a girlfriend, he said that we are seeing each other for long. Hw asked me every time do I love him. And after that he asked me to be his girlfriend. You think this is the same case ? He wants to make me decise ?

[qzati]

7 hours ago, Watercolors said:

Yes but you admitted in your OP that you don't even love him. And you've posted about him before, under different screen names slightly altering the details of your story each time.

 

I remember her story too, under different screen names.

OP, at the end of the day you and he just are not compatible. You are using him (and have been) since you two met. He's finally caught on, is fed up with your mind games, and has found a girl who is genuinely interested in him and who respects him more than you do. He is done with you and you are having a hard time letting go of your narcissistic supply. Because you got so much attention and adoration from him for 3 years, and now that supply is about to leave you and you're upset about it. I urge you to get therapy for yourself. You need to learn that you can't get internal feelings of validation by manipulating others - especially guys. You have to value yourself.

You think he will not call me ?

[qzati]

8 hours ago, stillafool said:

Basically if you wanted the guy you should tell him so instead of playing some "hard to get" game that eventually came off as childish and then question why the other girl won out over you.   They will probably get married.

He know I love him.

[Watercolors]

3 minutes ago, qzati said:

He know I love him.

I think you and he have different definitions of the world 'love.'

 

16 minutes ago, qzati said:

I will not call him to see him, I decide that. I will go out, chatt with guys, work. If he calls me, I would think if I should go to see him, but if he calls me. I will not show that I am sufferring and want him back.

This is my point. You are fine with ignoring him, dating other guys and working. This is not love. Not at all. He's done with your mind games dear. Please leave him alone. It sounds like he found another girl who actually reciprocates his feelings, doesn't play the push-pull game with him that you play with him, and respects him which you do not.

[kendahke]

3 hours ago, qzati said:

You think he will not call me ?

Actually, what I think is immaterial. It has no bearing on his actions... besides, what does it matter if he calls you or not?  You don't want to reciprocate the energy he wants to give, so most likely, he's gone to find the chick who will.

Quote

I will not call him to see him, I decide that. I will go out, chatt with guys, work. If he calls me, I would think if I should go to see him, but if he calls me. I will not show that I am sufferring and want him back.

Game playing. SMH See, this is what game playing will get you. You're basically lying about your feelings--if you'll go that far to try to punish him, then really, let him go. You mean him no good. This is so immature it's almost comical.

My aunt used to say "beware the hole you dig for someone else, lest you fall into it yourself."  That landing is going to be uncomfortable for you, as is usually the case when the person playing games finds out their play partner is no longer checking for them.

Edited September 29, 2020 by kendahke

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, qzati said:

He know I love him.

That's not enough. He also can love playing Doom Eternal...

Talk is cheap... your behavior says you don't.

[Watercolors]

9 minutes ago, kendahke said:

Talk is cheap... your behavior says you don't.

This 100% this!!!

Words are but wind.
Actions speak louder than words.