FMW Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 In answering the "how do you meet" question, I think it has a lot to do with your general energy - your attitude, having a relaxed and confident air and yes - smiling. This energy translates to everyone (men, women, children), not just people with whom you want to make a romantic connection. Thinking that the guy knew the woman at the doctor's office was "easy" or the idea that men choose "lesser women" (examples from different posts above) indicates that general energy I described isn't in play. Those judgments are probably coming from a more uptight and rigid frame of mind, and not one that is conducive to meeting new people on any level. Think about what attracts your attention to certain people, and you'll often see that it has to do with a warm and receptive energy coming from them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 On 9/30/2020 at 12:38 PM, Alvi said: Where do you meet men if they don't notice you at all. It is like I am invisible to men entirely. No guy ever looks my way when I go out. Nobody ever hit on me in a grocery store. I volunteer, take classes (actually not now due to Covid-19 but before that). Guys ignore me pretty much. When I approach men first, they either nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on. I even tried to dress a bit more provocatively at the gym,, but guys don't notice. They hit on other women, but don't see me at all. I go to work conferences from time to time. Again, men don't approach me and if I approach them they don't know how to move away from me fast enough. Pretty sure if I go to a bar and be the only women there, no men will ever approach me. Ney, not that I am offering, but they would not even be asking me for sex. Men don't see me as anything at all. One guy I took a class with told me years later that he thought I was cute. But he was pretty much flirting with every other female but not me. I am in a good shape. I am 5'3 and weigh 120 lb which is normal for me. People tell me I am good looking but that's about it. I try to dress nicely when I am out, always do my hair, wear makeup (nothing too crazy) don't smell bad. A psychic told me once that I am cursed to be alone all my life and I tend to believe him now. lol. But seriously, all kidding aside, why don't men look my way? My internet dating life been a disaster, you can read my previous threads. So how do you meet men? Would you have any advice for me? Bolded! What you believe is influencing how you conduct yourself in daily life. Try to get your internal beliefs to NEUTRAL. Before I even read that part of your post, I guessed it was something about your demeanor or personality, considering the other factors are as you say. If you hold limiting beliefs about yourself, they tend to come true. They are like a forgone conclusion. You can spend time researching that phenomena or just trust me and change what you believe about your success with guys.. You will probably say "how, if I don't have any evidence to back it up". Then tell yourself, I haven't had success YET--that's getting yourself more to neutral. You have to get your mind thinking that it COULD happen and then you open your mind and subsequent thoughts and resulting actions to fall in line, Don't underestimate the power of your personal beliefs about yourself. If you spend any energy holding them, you better make sure they are supportive, not unsupportive (or in conflict) with the things you want in life. Work on that immediately, You can do it in small ways and notice progress upon which you build. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 Possibly you are trying too hard? Before online dating gained popularlarity I always met men IRL and basically it just sort of happened by chance. Right place/right time. I wasn't neccessarily looking for a relationship or someone to date..just boom we both found a connection. Why don't you try just going out by yourself and dating yourself? You know for self discovery? Not to meet guys, not to date..just to have fun on your own. I guarantee you would not only find that you would feel healthier and have fun but BONUS...you may appear more attractive to the opposite sex. This is usually why women in relationships or married women attract men like crazy..they aren't trying to! Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 On 10/1/2020 at 5:24 AM, Woggle said: The majority of men in general are afraid to interact with women in public. It has nothing to do with you. Men these days don't want to be labeled a creep so many just avoid women all together. The top 10 percenters would not have a problem. ( 3x6? or is it 4x6?) 6'+, chiseled figure (6 pack), 6 figure income..... I'm missing a few.... The rest of us, 80%..... 5'5", balding head, and paying child support.... All the things we can NOT change, then get tossed aside as LVM when cold approaching.... Ya get to learn real quick leave them 6+ women alone to go after the 9+ men..... On 10/1/2020 at 9:21 AM, alphamale said: thanks to #metoo Yes, and then there was the divorce rape that some guys went through..... Worked hard, bought a nice house with the white picket fence, married the sweet little thing from down the road..... 3 kids later and not knowing who sired the last 2, she kicks him out of the house and with courts blessing. He looses everything and pays her alimony and child support for just about ever it seems..... Child abuse? Off to prison to get raped yourself.... Or..... You lost your job? Off to jail you go to pay up..... On 10/3/2020 at 2:25 AM, Alvi said: I am 42 years old. Guess I am looking for the men in 38-52 age range. Suppose this is reasonable, give or take. I am only looking for a long term relationship. Suppose, if I really wanted would have no problem finding someone for a hookup or FWB type of relationship. But I don't want that at all. When I was younger, while never been very popular, it was different. Men approached me from time to time. Not very often, but I could see that they were interested. I was bombarded by the e-mails on the dating sites. But as soon as I turned 40, that is it. -Many men my ago are looking for a younger deal. How do you find yourself a relationship after 40? You have a preference of man you are after, that is fine. But you can also see you are at a disadvantage now that you enjoyed a few years ago with the "Younger Deal". Age catches up with us all, some faster than others. Maybe not shoot for that top 10%er..... On 10/3/2020 at 1:52 AM, Azincourt said: Then there are women whom you look at and you think to yourself, ''meh, she probably wants to go on dates and more dates, and it will take me 1 to 3 months before she sleeps with me, and I'd rather not waste my time with her because I'm not looking for a relationship at the time.'' Call me shallow, call me an A$$ Hole or what ever you want but this one is a pet peeve!!!! 3 months x 4 weeks/month x 2 dates/week = 24 dates. Every country/region would be different here, but say $200 a date for me (dinner and drinks) 24x $200 = $4,800.00. Did that sink in??? $4,8000 before sex..... What??? It shouldn't come down to money? But it does with the top 10%er's.... Sorry OP but at 42yrs old you are not likely to have my kids, you have hit the wall and there are "Younger Deals"..... Why should I dish out well over a fortnight's wages to date you before finding out if you are a star fish or a cougar? Don't get me wrong, I can understand not wanting to jump into the sack with just anyone...… But don't expect every man out there to have "Blue Balls" until you have had enough dinner dates and drinks to feel a "Connection"..... Ya can hate me for it.... it's just the way I see it. OP, you don't need to answer. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 2 hours ago, Caauug said: .... 3 months x 4 weeks/month x 2 dates/week = 24 dates. Every country/region would be different here, but say $200 a date for me (dinner and drinks) 24x $200 = $4,800.00. .... Man I want to date you, you must be going to some fine restaurants and getting some good wine...each and every time. I get it, I like to go to places and eat and drink things I would on my own...and have more foodie tastes. Maybe my love of beer over wine is saving me here. Regardless, you need to divide the $4800 by half as you are eating and drinking at least half, so it's not like she is getting all the benefit, so really $2400. Perhaps try to add in some 2 drinks at the pub and appetizer dates, ~$30-40. How about a few dinner dates at home? Add in a few hiking / outdoor dates. Look into places where it is $20 a plate, keep it to $10 drinks, so about $100 all told (again half of that is money spent on you). Stop getting the bottle service. On average I'd say I spent at most $60 a date on average (two $40 and one $100 per week), and half of that is money spent on me (and I live in an expensive city, not Tokyo expensive but in the top 10 in the US). So 24x30 = $720 (assuming no dine at home or outdoor dates, etc., or the fact that the women I am after seem to pay for 1 in 3 dates on average...and probably more if I did not insist on paying many times). That does not seem expensive at all as there is no way I'm going on 24 dates with someone I don't find just loads of fun and interesting. In fact, if someone is that interesting without sex she is a real keeper, sex is easy to find and can be a substitute for real connection. I guess I am odd, I never saw dating as just a transaction leading to sex, I consider a good date to be fun in its own right even without sex. Funny though, when you see and live the world this way getting sex seems to not be a problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 18 hours ago, SumGuy said: Look into places where it is $20 a plate, keep it to $10 drinks, so about $100 all told (again half of that is money spent on you). Like I stated above, everyone will be different on the costs. $20 will get you one appetizer here. Bottle beer is about $8.00 for domestic, import higher. So.... by your numbers, one appetizer and split a domestic beer is a date???? I would not even waste my breath asking to see her again, if I got the chance!!! As for splitting costs..... If it wasn't a date I wouldn't be there. I can't really drop her off at the restaurant by herself and give her a $100.00. "I'll pick you up out front in an hour once you have eaten?"..... That will not fly as a date, well... not my date anyway!!!!! Keep that other half cost in the equation. I do have cheaper options.... I can travel to the next town and get a meal at the mining camp dry mess. Great food at good prices but no drinks with the meal. It would be full of miners eating before heading off to work all wearing High Vis and work boots.... No table service but seconds are included in the meal price. If you can get cheap meals at nice venues consider yourself lucky or blest. I am in regional Western Australia, not down town U.S.A. 19 hours ago, SumGuy said: Add in a few hiking / outdoor dates. Great Idea, if the girl is into it..... Not everyone is into hiking when it is +40C (above 104F) and hotter in the summer.... I do have a couple of metal detectors to go out hunting for gold nuggets...… But that really is a solitary sport, as the detectors can interfere with each other. If you are not picking up gold it can be really boring.... And the flys…. It wouldn't be W.A. without the flys….. 19 hours ago, SumGuy said: That does not seem expensive at all as there is no way I'm going on 24 dates with someone I don't find just loads of fun and interesting. In fact, if someone is that interesting without sex she is a real keeper, sex is easy to find and can be a substitute for real connection. That I agree with!!! There has to be a connection. If he doesn't want to wait for the 3 months for your "feelings" to tell you he is worth having sex with, don't get all upset, move on to the next one. Don't be surprised to hear that you are only hanging around for a meal ticket.... Most guys will never say it, but it can be a reason for no call back. As SumGuy indicates there are cheaper ways to achieve the same results. SumGuy, I think we are on the same page, just totally different parts of the world. Your numbers don't work here, that's fine, it's apples and oranges. You have more options.... on somethings.... OK, more things!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 20 hours ago, SumGuy said: Man I want to date you, you must be going to some fine restaurants and getting some good wine...each and every time. No Mate, I'm not your type..... Restaurants are just local..... maybe a step up from mining camp's dry messes.... That are some times better food..... Wine..... Yes WA has some very nice wines..... MMmmmmm…... Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Caauug said: No Mate, I'm not your type..... Restaurants are just local..... maybe a step up from mining camp's dry messes.... That are some times better food..... Wine..... Yes WA has some very nice wines..... MMmmmmm…... Have to say I loved eating kangaroo when I was there, but Eastern Australia. Edited October 10, 2020 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 12 hours ago, Caauug said: Like I stated above, everyone will be different on the costs. $20 will get you one appetizer here. Bottle beer is about $8.00 for domestic, import higher. So.... by your numbers, one appetizer and split a domestic beer is a date???? I would not even waste my breath asking to see her again, if I got the chance!!! Never knew AU was so expensive...consider a cheaper place to live like NYC :) Well at least in my experience in AU, the domestic AU beer is better than US domestic beer. Knew should have used USD :) My $40 USD example I think is more like $55 AUD. Quote As for splitting costs..... If it wasn't a date I wouldn't be there. I can't really drop her off at the restaurant by herself and give her a $100.00. "I'll pick you up out front in an hour once you have eaten?"..... That will not fly as a date, well... not my date anyway!!!!! Keep that other half cost in the equation. Then dinner and/or drinks are not the dates for you if you never do that on your own or with friends. As that is pretty common for a lot of people here (even introverts like me) then suggest focusing on women that are also not into dinner or drinks, they exist at least here. Quote If you can get cheap meals at nice venues consider yourself lucky or blest. I am in regional Western Australia, not down town U.S.A. Is really not hard in the US, down town is the most expensive actually...well except for a few places know of off the beaten path. Plenty of places of all stripes when live in a major metro area. Quote Great Idea, if the girl is into it..... Not everyone is into hiking when it is +40C (above 104F) and hotter in the summer.... I do have a couple of metal detectors to go out hunting for gold nuggets...… But that really is a solitary sport, as the detectors can interfere with each other. If you are not picking up gold it can be really boring.... And the flys…. It wouldn't be W.A. without the flys… I was more concerned about the all the deadly creatures that seem intent on biting or stinging you. Now the metal detectors interfering with each other, well what a great way to get close and see what the problem is. If you are interested in her finding something, why not just plant a few things? It is really not about the activity but getting to know someone for me. You mention scorching hot weather, near a beach? Quote That I agree with!!! There has to be a connection. If he doesn't want to wait for the 3 months for your "feelings" to tell you he is worth having sex with, don't get all upset, move on to the next one. Don't be surprised to hear that you are only hanging around for a meal ticket.... Most guys will never say it, but it can be a reason for no call back. As SumGuy indicates there are cheaper ways to achieve the same results. Not exactly my point. I don't care if she is up for sex the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date. If I don't have fun with her otherwise, sex isn't happening...been there, done that, never a good idea. It's more that if someone is a great companion, be it dinner or otherwise, and there is chemistry (i.e. it is clearly not just a platonic thing)...I can wait for sex, as all the other qualities are the hard ones for me to find, a woman DTF not hard to find. Quote SumGuy, I think we are on the same page, just totally different parts of the world. Your numbers don't work here, that's fine, it's apples and oranges. You have more options.... on somethings.... OK, more things!!!! Certainly on the cost of going out. On other things, well according to internet "wisdom" I should not be able to attract or get women, it appears I do everything "wrong." I certainly have attracted the women I am after....but perhaps they are a mirage as well as they supposedly don't exists according to the internet and are also doing it "wrong." JT said it best:" ..Saying I'll never be what I am now. Telling me I'll never find what I've already found. It was they who were wrong, And for them here's a song..." Link to post Share on other sites
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