Dawn37 Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Hi all, I hope you are all well?!! So it has been almost 8 months since my exH walked out and left. Today he came and collected the kids, he's always so happy and cheery, which for my kids is great. I, however, really struggle with it. I'm so broken hearted at how my life has turned out it just seems so unfair, its like i am so focused on his and this OW relationship willing it to fall apart and I know in my heart its not healthy to think this way. I just seem so sure their going to be happily ever after and that was my life to live, not hers. Please tell me if this gets easier? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 I'm so sorry for what you're feeling, which is all totally normal by the way. It would be nice if there was a way around these feelings, but unfortunately the only way is through them :(. Yes it will eventually get easier, but it will take a while. Are you in counseling/therapy at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawn37 Posted September 30, 2020 Author Share Posted September 30, 2020 Yes I am currently seeing a counsellor who is amazing and she makes me see the qualities and good that I have. She’s trying to make me see how my exH affair wasn’t my fault because I’ve been doing that self blame thing!! Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Is there any movement by either of you to divorce or legally separate? Who's watching your children while you are at work? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawn37 Posted September 30, 2020 Author Share Posted September 30, 2020 We have a legal separation agreement in place. I’m a full time student and due to covid I’m learning at home whilst kids are at school Link to post Share on other sites
B100 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 It will get easier one of the best things to do is to always be around people and share your feelings, Probably tough during Covid though, no one wins in a breakup, I really you hope you get better I feel for you after reading your post. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 You will never move on unless you minimize your contact with him. Don't allow him to pick up the children at your house. Drop them off at a relatives house and have him go there. I recommend that with the holidays coming up you don't pretend to be married for the sake of the children. Have separate days. The kids won't mind. Only talk to him about the children or matters concerning your marriage. Do you want to reconcile? I say this because in your situation I would go right to divorce. You are keeping the door open. That means he can take his time and eat all cake he wants while having you as a backup plan. He's not facing any consequences for his actions so there's no change in behavior. You have to take action that is in your best interest. That means talking to an attorney. Knowledge will rekindle your courage. If you just let this proceed you will come out the loser. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Are they still living within walking distance of your house? If so, have you thought of moving? Link to post Share on other sites
KTNSR Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 I have been separated for 7.5 months. I've noticed that my soon to be ex-wife isn't responding to any of my texts. Additionally, she is dropping the kids off at my apartment instead of . visiting the home. She clearly seems to be moving forward. I am stuck on square one. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZaggy Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 Maybe it is easier, as some have suggested, to be completely separate, not see each other or interact at all. However, this doesn't have to be the way it is for everyone. We are all individual people and we can write our own scripts, walk our own paths. I think it's great for the kids if Mom and Dad appear to be friendly with each other, but that will be much easier for some ex-couples than others. Some split up with animosity, others with compassion and even love. There truly is no one size fits all style of breaking up and co-parenting. As for does it ever get easier, I can't say. I have been separated for almost 2 years and it's still hard. I find it easier emotionally with minimal contact with my ex, but at the same time, it feels unsettling to be completely aloof with each other. We don't hate each other, we share 2 kids, and we're still trying to figure out how to interact with this new normal. Emotionally, I fluctuate between "I can get through this" and "this is impossible!" I know I (we) will get through it, some day, but it sure isn't easy. Just to say: you aren't alone, so hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
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