Secretive Spouses?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

21 hours ago, major_merrick said:

I still have no progress on any kind of conversation about assets or what is where, so I'm going to keep working on that. 

 

 

Why?

[Happy Lemming]

On 10/9/2020 at 6:32 PM, major_merrick said:

 ...or lets people in need use it as a temporary place to stay.

Again, I ask the question of "why didn't he let your sister and her girlfriend (your ex) utilize this apartment instead of letting them stay at the main house?" 

He knew the two of them staying at the main house would cause you angst and make you upset, so why didn't he "put them up" at that apartment??

[Veronica73]

I haven't finished reading this entire thread, but I see that you've decided that fact that he has an apartment you had no idea about is okay. And I can't fault your reasoning.

However, having an entire room that you don't have access to? My alarm bells would be ringing. A lot. 

When I was married (and I'm divorced now, so maybe my opinion isn't that valuable), we had full access to each others phones and computers. Meaning we had each others passwords. But I kept my financial passwords to myself. He had full access to the statements (so nothing was hidden), but he couldn't log into the accounts and make transactions. Likewise, I knew what was in his retirement account, but I didn't have access to actually do anything with it.

[major_merrick]

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Again, I ask the question of "why didn't he let your sister and her girlfriend (your ex) utilize this apartment instead of letting them stay at the main house?" 

I'm thinking that he probably had the place occupied at the time, or perhaps he might have thought they would do less damage if they were kept close.  I haven't asked him about it, because at this point, its practically ancient history. 

2 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

However, having an entire room that you don't have access to? My alarm bells would be ringing. A lot. 

His locked office actually never bothered me when I first moved in.  I don't own the house, so....not like I can tell him what to do.  And his other partners didn't seem upset about it, and they just told me nobody goes in there but him.  I looked inside when he had the door open, and all I could see were file cabinets.  My guess is that he keeps paperwork on everything, since I've seen him find receipts for tools he bought years ago.  Probably pretty boring in there, unless there's a secret access that leads to somewhere else? 

Having known my husband for 20+ years, his personality is pretty consistent.  With perhaps the exception of the time he was with his ex-wife....she was a terrible influence.  He's cautious, detail-oriented, and good with money.  I think these things are bothering me more this year than they would at other times, because I don't see him much.  And that makes me feel left out.