Will I ever have a second chance or should I move on?

[html5lffy]

Me and my girlfriend broke up august 17th. Dated for roughly a year (officially 10 months, met and starting dating for over a year) She broke up with me. We both cried very hard and kept hugging, saying how this sucks. I brought up how I wanted to be friends and she said “in the future, right now we can’t talk to each other though.” The reason for the breakup is we were constantly fighting...like from day one. I think we suffered through poor communication and a lot of the issues could be solved. I do not waste my time. The other reason is because she felt as though I disrespected her (I touched her shoulders during a family dinner as a joke, it was rather demeaning and she cried. This was 9 days before our breakup.) we went to my sisters wedding the day following this and all went well, had a blast...as soon as we go to the hotel, she basically insisted on sleeping on the couch saying she was mad at me. I picked her up, and she agreed to sleep on the bed with me. No sex, we were far too drunk. The last reason, she always felt like I was distant and wouldn’t show her love. “We speak different love languages.” We are both 20. 

So, as the story goes, I made every single possible mistake you could imagine and kept pushing, pushing, and pushing more. At first she was very caring, wanted to call and would check up on me. 

I got needy. I made her cry on the phone telling her everything I would have done differently (she cried on the phone twice with me) and we basically both were sad. She posted a sad tiktok singing “electric love” the part — “baby you’re like lightning in a bottle, I can’t let you go now that I’ve got it, all I need is your electric love.” With a sad caption. “Sitting in the dark kind of night.” 

She said she initially wanted to talk things out with me, but I demanded answers and kept getting ...angry. Not really angry, just upset with her. I never said anything mean to her, or sent any angry texts. Just expressing “act like you care about me,” etc. she had said “I don’t want to talk right now. I’m considering getting back together with you, which is what I really don’t want to do.” As well as “I’m gonna miss you :(“ 

Anyways, I kept texting her every two days, trying to call...meet up, and she basically stopped replying, and then blocked me on everything. 

I sent her an email after a week of being blocked and said basically, I’m sorry for pushing you, I accept accountability, don’t expect a response, basically kept going on about how I was sorry...and kept it short. 

A few hours later she unblocked and texted me that she wanted to call to help me “move on”. We called and basically went thru everything from start to finish and I told her I was thankful she broke up with me so I could see my own shortcomings. She said she felt bad for blocking me on everything and unblocked me on all social media, except for Snapchat. Which is fine. She said the reason she blocked me was she felt as though I wasn’t respecting her privacy. I wrote a letter saying how much I loved her. Gave her flowers and chocolate. No response, and then that’s when she blocked me. I ended the call asking how she’s been, and she said “okay, but I’ve been spending my weekends just doing homework. It’s kinda sad.” Then I told her, I bought a new car, and am one of the top sales people at my job (started aug 1). She said wow amazing accomplishments! You’ll be #1 in no time. A week went past that interaction, I texted her and basically checked in. This time she replied saying “hi what’s up?” And stayed super cold the entire interaction. Ended up being left on read. Emotions got the better of me, two days later I said hey can we call? She kept saying no. I basically said, do you even see us being friends! She said no. I asked, are you still hurt? She said “I just feel s***ty I let it go on for so long.” And she said I couldn’t make amends for anything I did, and to just leave her alone. That I haven’t taken any hints to leave her alone and give her space. It’s been over a week since I’ve contacted and my plan is after 3 weeks to basically just check in, say hi and see what’s up. The reason for this, is because I feel as though she still cares, and I was a bad boyfriend. She never felt loved by me. I think it’s important for her to feel as though I do care, and just occasionally check up until she is ready to open up. I don’t care if she dates someone else. I’m in love with her, but I want her to be happy, too. That’s what matters to me. I struggle with the idea of becoming strangers with her, because she knows everything about me. Vice versa. 

She says she lost all feelings for me (well during breakup she said that) and said she doesn’t think we can ever get back together, but if we did it would have to be years down the road. She said she still cared about me, but didn’t want to date anymore because we were so incompatible. Maybe she’s right, we may be too different. But I’m willing to put any amount of work into this, because she really is one-in-a million. I just feel like a fool for realizing this now. 

Do you have any advice on what I should do? I’m really lost, and cannot believe this is where we ended. I thought these roles would have been reversed. 
 

[schlumpy]

You are done. She didn't lose her feelings over night and you probably felt this coming on and thus your over-the-top attention demanding antics.

Your best move is to learn something from this and when you get a chance to start anew and you will get that chance, always treat your SO with the respect they deserve. Please realize alcohol does not improve your chances.

Restrict yourself to social drinking. That's a decision will not regret making.

Don't set yourself up for failure. There are many people around you already that will willingly push you off the cliff. You don't need to jump.

[Wiseman2]

Let go. She blocked you.

[d0nnivain]

37 minutes ago, html5lffy said:

Do you have any advice on what I should do? 

Yes.  You should move on.  All those fights were evidence of why things weren't working.  For her to cry because you touched her shoulder during a family dinner then wanting to sleep on the couch the next day says there are deeper issues here.  

This "young love" relationship has run its course.  Grieve the end of it.  Lick your wounds.  Go NC & move on.  

[Mrin]

Oh jeez dude. That read like a train wreck. Move on and preserve what you have of your dignity. Learn from this. But for Pete's sake don't contact her again. Period.  

By the way there is a name for your condition: wantwhatyoucanthaveitis.