lostandconfusedsoul Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 So I have been with my girlfriend now for 8 months She introduced me to her beautiful daughter and amazing family. her youngling is 6 years old and quite the mamas girl lol it’s super cute. She is an incredible mother and it’s absolutely amazing to experience and see her parent. the hard thing I’m dealing with right now is that her daughter loves me! We have so much fun together, she says she loves me and asks about me every second in away etc etc. But my girlfriend just told her we were together (dating) and she seemed to take it rough. Didn’t think mom needs a boyfriend or anything. this actually hurt to hear and I’m not sure what to do.. this is the first relationship I’ve been in when children are involved so any advice here would be wonderful as I love this woman! And I love her daughter but I have a feeling there’s something I’m just not taking into consideration. this is also my girls first REAL relationship since the father and her were together. thanks guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 51 minutes ago, lostandconfusedsoul said: But my girlfriend just told her we were together (dating) and she seemed to take it rough. Didn’t think mom needs a boyfriend or anything. The child is 6 years old and doesn't want to share mommy's attention with anyone else. It's not you (per se) it is anyone that would take mom's attention away from her. 53 minutes ago, lostandconfusedsoul said: And I love her daughter but I have a feeling there’s something I’m just not taking into consideration. Dial it back a little bit... you are not "Daddy", you will never be "Daddy" as the little girl has one of those (unless he is dead or in prison) 56 minutes ago, lostandconfusedsoul said: ...this is the first relationship I’ve been in when children are involved Do you have any children of your own?? If not, why are you dating a single mother?? Leave the single moms for the single dads and find someone without children (if you have none of your own). Why do you want to raise someone else's seed?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: Why do you want to raise someone else's seed?? Respectfully, some men don't mind this as much as others, so not a dealbreaker for everyone. If he likes the GF, he likes the GF. It's not something I would have a problem with (in theory), although since I am a father that's sort of a moot point. If it's only 1 kid, maybe they will have more (OP's) eventually, who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 She's 6, not 16 She doesn't have the fullest understanding of what a BF is. Just be yourself. The kid will come around. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 I've dealt with some of this. Granted, my husband has a lot of kids and other partners. But introducing The Blonde to his household was not initially popular. Three years have passed, and things are actually pretty good. I think the biggest issue I faced at first was respect. Like, I just didn't rate as highly as the other mothers. For those who say "You'll never be Daddy" or "Why raise someone else's kid" it really depends on the family. If the bio father is in her life in a meaningful way, you'll have to work out what approach you're going to take to relate to the child. If the bio father is absent for whatever reason, the girl will be mourning the loss and there's issues with that too. Either way, just because you aren't her "real" father doesn't mean you can't be "fatherly" at some point. My husband is step-dad to a 13 year old girl who lost her father (father was my husband's close friend.) They've had some ups and downs, and my husband has been pretty clear about NOT trying to replace her father, but to be more like an older mentor/advisor/teacher. That approach has worked. Don't give up yet. Give your relationship with your GF some time, and give the girl some time to adjust. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 21 hours ago, lostandconfusedsoul said: So I have been with my girlfriend now for 8 months We have so much fun together, she says she loves me and asks about me every second in away etc etc. But my girlfriend just told her we were together (dating) and she seemed to take it rough. Didn’t think mom needs a boyfriend or anything. It seems to be going well, so slow down and pace yourself. 8 mos is very soon to get this attached and involved. The mother is correct protecting the child from excess attachment and letting her know there will be no 'new daddy' anytime soon. She needs to watch for the child's emotional protection. You need to focus much less on the child. Focus first on how your relationship is going. Get some alone adult time and don't fast forward this much into an instant family. Relax, it sounds like so far so good. Link to post Share on other sites
FirstClass Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 I too met a beautiful woman who had 2 children and they just loved me. I was however on the opposite side you are as it was going way to fast down the "instant family" path for me so I cut it off to protect them. I was not sure where the relationship with their mom was with me yet and the kids were getting way too close and I did not want to put them in harms way. In my case Mom seemed to think it was just fine, and I didn't like that she was so cavalier about it. You however seem to have a woman who is smart enough to know not to place her child in that position without first knowing where you and her are at. Do not parent the child in any way. Let the mother know you realize that the right thing must be done for the child first and that you will be glad to work with her to make sure her little daughter is held harmless as the two of you progress in your relationship. Parenting is hard enough for biological parents. Blended families are even harder and how some people do it just amazes me. Give it time. Make sure that the two of you are unbreakable before you decide to involve an innocent child. Her mom seems smart and brave, and you just might have stepped in it if you play your cards right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Kids are selfish. It's human nature. She's only thinking, "how's this news going to affect me? I have to share my mom!" Don't take it personally. Just let mom take the lead and don't be overbearing and she will probably eventually come around if it's meant to be and if you don't push yourself on her. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Hm,its to early to use terms as love. And also to introduce kids.The mom needs to chill. And i think click is a better word. This all looks to much like yall tryna make it work to fast. Just date her and get to know her a while. The kid shouldnt be involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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