Sugarkane Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 Where do I start? Things were getting better before Covid- I found a job agency, had a new job and a new therapist. Now Covid has ruined that. Deeply regret staying together. Arguing 24/7 for years. Nothing but empty promises of getting our child back. Can’t take it any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 So long story short. In laws have custody because we lived with them. They pushed us out when we weren’t financially ready. My parents promised to do meeting with my in laws- but they didn’t because spending their inheritance was more important. My husbands work fell apart at the time, I didn’t know where to go for employment help. We couldn’t afford to keep the place and had to move back in with my in laws. And then my in laws lied about not taking custody. But they did. They blindsided me and went for custody. And used the fact that I had post natal depression against me in court. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 I am desperate. Every single moment is spent arguing 24/7. Nothing ever gets resolved or changes. The ever extended lockdown makes it worse. The fights have gotten physically abusive. My husband excuse is always the same- he was working long hours so that’s why he didn’t do anything about his parents walking all over me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 I also only went back because I was afraid with this ever extended lockdowns, I wouldn’t be able to see my daughter. As there’s only a 5km limit to travel. All my relatives lives further than this. I’m desperate to leave this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 Can you stay with your parents? Get to social services for help with housing, food, legal aid, health care, mental health concerns, domestic violence counselling, substance abuse help, career training and employment help. Your child is safer away from the domestic violence in your home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 I don’t think I can stay with them. My dad has proven he doesn’t care at all about family. I haven’t spoken to them since months ago, when we asked him about going back on his word and doing the meetings with my in laws. He went ballistic, gaslighted and twisted everything around. As always no apology from him. His shown time and time again he cares nothing expect himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 5, 2020 Author Share Posted October 5, 2020 ???????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 (edited) No one is replying because, truthfully, no one can here can help you or even offer substantive advice. You may need to accept the fact that you've lost custody of your child and then turn your attention to getting your own life sorted out. Find a place to live on your own away from your toxic families, away from your husband, and get yourself together.That's the best I've got. Edited October 5, 2020 by Crazelnut 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Australia has hotlines for women experiencing domestic abuse, and can offer you shelter. Call them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 7, 2020 Author Share Posted October 7, 2020 Problem is my therapist says I have a better chance of getting my daughter back, if we stay together. But I’ve had nothing but empty promises every year from him of getting her back. We can barely be in the same room as each other. I’ve tried asking the lawyers questions and all they do is send me around in circles. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 On 10/3/2020 at 1:35 PM, Sugarkane said: So long story short. In laws have custody because we lived with them. They pushed us out when we weren’t financially ready. My parents promised to do meeting with my in laws- but they didn’t because spending their inheritance was more important. My husbands work fell apart at the time, I didn’t know where to go for employment help. We couldn’t afford to keep the place and had to move back in with my in laws. And then my in laws lied about not taking custody. But they did. They blindsided me and went for custody. And used the fact that I had post natal depression against me in court. They blindsided you because it was the best for your child. You should be thanking them.... On 10/3/2020 at 5:58 PM, Sugarkane said: I am desperate. Every single moment is spent arguing 24/7. Nothing ever gets resolved or changes. The ever extended lockdown makes it worse. The fights have gotten physically abusive. My husband excuse is always the same- he was working long hours so that’s why he didn’t do anything about his parents walking all over me. This sounds like a toxic relationship, and not a good environment for a child to call home. You become the same as the people around you, if they are toxic, you will also become toxic. Surround yourself with positive, self motivated people that have your best interests in mind. On 10/7/2020 at 9:32 AM, Sugarkane said: I’ve tried asking the lawyers questions and all they do is send me around in circles. The lawyers can not fix your life, you have to do that. If you make no changes you will get no changes.... Stop going in circles, don't blame others for your poor choices. Stop being the victim, get help, take control, work toward improving yourself and your environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 8, 2020 Author Share Posted October 8, 2020 13 hours ago, Caauug said: They blindsided you because it was the best for your child. You should be thanking them.... This sounds like a toxic relationship, and not a good environment for a child to call home. You become the same as the people around you, if they are toxic, you will also become toxic. Surround yourself with positive, self motivated people that have your best interests in mind. The lawyers can not fix your life, you have to do that. If you make no changes you will get no changes.... Stop going in circles, don't blame others for your poor choices. Stop being the victim, get help, take control, work toward improving yourself and your environment. Why should I thank them for walking all over me, taking over and lying to my face that they weren’t going for custody? They destroyed my family! You all say I made bad choices, what exactly does that mean? The bad choice I made was the partner I chose, but I didn’t know before hand how immature and autistic he really is. If I did know, I wouldn’t have had a child with him obviously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2020 Author Share Posted October 9, 2020 On 10/6/2020 at 2:27 AM, Elswyth said: Australia has hotlines for women experiencing domestic abuse, and can offer you shelter. Call them. I have. They suggested I stay with a relative. This relative isn’t answering my calls, despite the fact that they know about the Situation and have said I can stay with them until I get back on my feet. I don’t know what’s up with them? If I did something wrong, they have a mouth and can tell me. I have always been on good terms with this relative. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 6 hours ago, Sugarkane said: I didn’t know before hand how immature and autistic he really is. If I did know, I wouldn’t have had a child with him obviously. Do his parents take care of him? Is this why his parents have custody of his child? To be clear autism does not make someone abusive. The only way to get your child back into your custody is by proving you are a fit mother and can provide for your child. Work on that the best way you can. Eventually the courts may favor the natural mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2020 Author Share Posted October 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Do his parents take care of him? Is this why his parents have custody of his child? To be clear autism does not make someone abusive. The only way to get your child back into your custody is by proving you are a fit mother and can provide for your child. Work on that the best way you can. Eventually the courts may favor the natural mother. Because they pushed us out before we were financially ready. My husbands work was inconsistent. I didn’t know the right agencies to go to. My parents didn’t care because they were overseas. They were supposed to increase the days but didn’t. At some point they just took over. My husband didn’t care and when I said this- he told me to go screw myself and he didn’t care/ started into space and refused to say/ do anything. I regret ever getting back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 (edited) Go to social services if you or the child's father need housing,food,career training, or healthcare and counselling. If either of you have substance abuse issues, they can help you with that also. Have your in-laws legally adopted your child or are they just taking care ? If they legally adopted your child, why were you deemed unfit as the mother? Edited October 9, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2020 Author Share Posted October 9, 2020 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Go to social services if you or the child's father need housing,food,career training, or healthcare and counselling. If either of you have substance abuse issues, they can help you with that also. Have your in-laws legally adopted your child or are they just taking care ? If they legally adopted your child, why were you deemed unfit as the mother? They haven’t legally adopted her, but they have interim custody. I was seem as unfit because they used the fact that I had post natal depression against me. And because they blindsided me with custody, in a traumatic way, I was distraught- anyone would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 38 minutes ago, Sugarkane said: They haven’t legally adopted her, but they have interim custody. I was seem as unfit because they used the fact that I had post natal depression against me. Make sure you are getting excellent mental and physical health care. You'll have to do the best you can. If you continue to live with an abusive man, you'll destroy your chances. You need to make up your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 I can’t take another 3 years of empty promises from my husband for trying to fix this mess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Sugarkane said: I can’t take another 3 years of empty promises from my husband for trying to fix this mess. You need to fix it. You need to get away from him, become self sufficient and prove to the courts that you are working toward being able to regain primary custody of your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 19, 2020 Author Share Posted October 19, 2020 Also if we split my dad is supposed to supervise some of my visits with my child. But I highly doubt he’ll do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 19, 2020 Author Share Posted October 19, 2020 This marriage has become unbearable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 19, 2020 Author Share Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) I am also regrettably is regnant again. I wish I never went through with it. I’m paranoid that my in laws will try and get it. And my relationship is dysfunctional and unhappy. I’m too traumatised by what happened with my daughter. Edited October 19, 2020 by Sugarkane Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 Why aren't you seeing a social worker to get social services support as far as housing, food, career training, child care, mental and physical health care as well as contraception? Link to post Share on other sites
Negotaurus Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 Hi Sugarkane, I think you will have to give the full story, otherwise it is very difficult for posters to help you. Why did you lose custody of your first child? What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts