Date lent me jacket but hasn't asked for it back?

[Blondegirl89]

Ok I feel like I’m writing a sex and the city column now at this point with all my dating dilemmas lol 

 I had a date recently with a very nice guy. He really pursued me. He hounded me to meet him. I eventually agreed to meet him but he said he would be an hour and a half until he got into the city to meet me. 
 

I explained that I had forgotten my jacket and that I wasn’t going to wait around in the cold for him for an hour and a half and that I would go home and grab one.

He offered to bring one of his for me and said he could change his plans and meet me in 30 min. 

Credit where it’s due, he arrived in exactly 30 min with a jacket for me to wear. I was shocked with his choice because he lent me a $800 dollar jacket. 
 

We went for drinks and dinner, he wouldn’t let me pay even though I offered we had a lovely time and we even kissed goodbye. When it came to giving the jacket back he said do you want to wear it home to keep you warm. I said if he didn’t mind and he didn’t. we kissed again and said goodbye.

I texted him later saying thanks for the lovely evening and for the jacket, he replied and said he it was a lovely night and thanks for that.

I said great, definitely up for a repeat especially as I’ve gotta return your jacket. He read it but hasn’t replied. 

I don’t know if it’s a good or bad sign he hasn’t replied. Even if he didn’t have a great time and asked for the jacket back I wouldn’t have a problem with that as it’s expensive I totally understand wanting it back but he didn’t say anything about the second date or even the jacket. 
 

What’s a girl to do? Wait for him to text? Wait a few days and say hey I’ve got your jacket if you wanna meet to return it? Leave it and at it to my own jacket collection 😂

 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

Give him his jacket back.  Call him up.  Offer to meet for the exchange.  Treat him to a drink or something as "rent" on the jacket.  

If you don't want to deal with him get his address & mail it back to him but don't keep the jacket.  

[snowboy91]

Agree. Set up your next date. Nothing wrong with you doing that if you want to see him again.

You are allowed to say that you're really keen on returning the jacket given it's quite expensive - that alone makes you come across as an honest person regardless of whether this works out or not.

[poppyfields]

How do you know the jacket cost $800? I hope to gawd HE didn't tell you!  Lol

Maybe just chill a bit, he probably likes you and is trying to play it cool by not replying right away.  

Sit tight.  If it truly is an $800 jacket and not some knock off, he'll be coming round soon enough.  

You've already texted letting him know you're up for a repeat, ball's in his court.  Do not use the jacket as an excuse to chase. 😁

Edited October 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[ccas93]

This girl I had a first date with once left an umbrella in my car. I texted her asking if she wanted it back and her response was "oh it's ok don't worry about it :)" 

Her way of communicating a second date wasn't going to happen, and then making me deal with her stupid pink umbrella. How efficient!

[Watercolors]

3 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said:

I said great, definitely up for a repeat especially as I’ve gotta return your jacket. He read it but hasn’t replied. 

Give him a few days to respond. If he doesn't, you can always test his response-time by texting him, "Since i haven't heard from you, I'm donating your coat to the Goodwill." 

[usa1ah]

I agree with the poster that said to use the jacket for a second date. 

[Wiseman2]

Relax. If you hear from him great. If not send a text in a few days that you still have the jacket and wish to return it.

Is this long distance? Do you have a vehicle/ way to return it? Hopefully he'll reply to your last communication with another date.

[Trail Blazer]

He let you take the jacket so you don't give him the cold shoulder.  It worked! 😉

He'll be in touch.

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

He let you take the jacket so you don't give him the cold shoulder.  It worked! 😉

He'll be in touch.

Unless he's one of those guys who has a bunch of jackets that he conveniently offers to women on first dates...

[poppyfields]

29 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Unless he's one of those guys who has a bunch of jackets that he conveniently offers to women on first dates...

Expensive first dates!  Lol

[Blondegirl89]

3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

He let you take the jacket so you don't give him the cold shoulder.  It worked! 😉

He'll be in touch.

Yeah I’m going to give him a few days to reach out. Then I’ll reach out about returning the jacket. If I haven’t heard from him by then. 
 

I do think allowing my to borrow it was a way of trying to see me again I’m just not sure as to why he hasn’t reached out. He follows me on social media so I know he’s been watching my story’s etc. 

[Watercolors]

14 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said:

Yeah I’m going to give him a few days to reach out. Then I’ll reach out about returning the jacket. If I haven’t heard from him by then. 
 

I do think allowing my to borrow it was a way of trying to see me again I’m just not sure as to why he hasn’t reached out. He follows me on social media so I know he’s been watching my story’s etc. 

So you two have added each other on your social media platforms already? Well, he has you now. He doesn't have to make the effort to ask you out again. He assumes that you'll do it. The automatically lowers his interest level in you now. You automatically made yourself just another dating option to him, by adding him to your social media. 

You've removed the element of chase by adding him to your SM. This is what I think is a huge mistake for people who online date. They think after one date, that adding the person to their SM platforms is a smart move. But it's really counterproductive. 

All he has to do, is sift through your online profiles to learn everything he can about you b/c you gave him access. Huge mistake.

Here's 5 red flags of adding someone you just met to your SM. I think you should read it. 

https://natashaadamo.com/social-media-and-relationships-5-red-flags/

Red Flag #1: In-Your-Face Awareness.

If your partner follows an excessive number of accounts that you deem as disrespectful; that you, your friends, family, and the world can see, what about the things that you can’t see? I’m not trying to scare you. What I am trying to express is that if your partner is highly sexualized in the public world of social media (and casually follows/likes/comments on numerous model/sexy/naked/porn/ex/inappropriate photos a day for everyone to see, WHILE he’s dating you), that’s a problem.

If your partner isn’t even going to pretend to respect you on a PUBLIC platform, what is he going to do in private? And if he doesn’t deem that as disrespectful, what then? This is so much LESS about insinuating that he will cheat and so much MORE about the kind of mentality that prevents a MUTUALLY loving, honest, loyal, and respectful relationship from EVER forming.

If there is a difference in your personal values and moral codes, a relationship will never work.

Red Flag #2: Preoccupation with activity.

If he’s more preoccupied with likes, followers, and comments than he is an active participant in your relationship… red flag.

Conversely, if you have all the females that he follows memorized and are stalking his every social media move WHILE being in a relationship with him, that’s not love. It’s a red flag that needs to be addressed.

As far as how it needs to be addressed, keep in mind that if someone is going to advertise their unavailability, empathetic bankruptness, and disconnectivity for the world to see, it’s safe to assume that taking the time to explain the hurtful effects of something they’re (totally fine with) doing on a public platform, won’t be effective.

Sometimes, you just need to speak with your actions and know when to fold.

Red Flag #3: Attention seeker.

As humans, we are wired to yearn for connection, meaning, and belonging. But when it comes to social media and relationships, attention-seeking behavior is a definite red flag.

When you consistently seek attention on social media, you’re basically proving that for you, image and external validation take precedence over authenticity, substance, maturity, and connection. And what is life without any of those? It’s a red flag when your partner consistently looks for attention outside of your relationship in the name of cyber hearts.

Red Flag #4: “Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there is no reason to continue.”

If you’ve lost respect for your partner (due to his social media activity), and you’ve lost respect for yourself (due to your social media stalking, excusing, and lack of backbone), true love is going to have an impossibly hard time finding a way.

If your partner does not provide an environment in which you feel safe to express your concerns (in a KIND and civil way), without feeling like you’re going to be abandoned, rejected, or made to feel/look crazy… you’re in red flag, toxic relationship territory.

Red Flag #5: The worst kind of threesome.

Understand that if you’re dating someone who’s social media habits are disrespectful, you will ALWAYS be in an emotional threesome. As I’ve said before – true love is linear, not triangular. Inhabiting a relationship triangle is, in and of itself, a red flag.

If your relationship can be defined as you, him and social media – that’s not true love, that’s a very sh*tty, dysfunctional and heartbreaking threesome. Emotional threesomes always start as little pink flags that enable us to feel “passion” (because we suffer from low self-esteem and define passion as having to compete for basic things like love and respect). However, they quickly turn into deal-breaking red flags that will always be present unless you ACT by exiting the dynamic. There’s no need to explain why you want linear to someone who’s a professional triangle constructor and inhabiter.

 

Edited October 4, 2020 by Watercolors
added article

[DarrenB]

$800 jacket? Off on Ebay it goes with an inflated P&P fee!

Jokes aside, if you want to proceed with your dating escapades with him, arrange another date as other users have suggested and bring it with you to return. Thank him for the gesture and maybe offer him a drink or two at a local bar/restaurant 

[Blondegirl89]

13 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

So you two have added each other on your social media platforms already? Well, he has you now. He doesn't have to make the effort to ask you out again. He assumes that you'll do it. The automatically lowers his interest level in you now. You automatically made yourself just another dating option to him, by adding him to your social media. 

You've removed the element of chase by adding him to your SM. This is what I think is a huge mistake for people who online date. They think after one date, that adding the person to their SM platforms is a smart move. But it's really counterproductive. 

All he has to do, is sift through your online profiles to learn everything he can about you b/c you gave him access. Huge mistake.

My account is public he found me I didn’t add him. He added me. I could hardly say say no please don’t follow me after he did. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, DarrenB said:

Jokes aside, if you want to proceed with your dating escapades with him, arrange another date as other users have suggested and bring it with you to return. Thank him for the gesture and maybe offer him a drink or two at a local bar/restaurant 

Which my guess would be is exactly what he's banking on and expecting - her to chase! 

I seriously would not.  Be different from all the other women who would use his jacket as an opportunity (excuse) to reach out again, and meet.

You've already expressed interest in meeting again, let the guy wonder.  

He knows you have the jacket.  He will be in touch at some point, again let him wonder, be different, stand out from the crowd.

Leaving his jacket, waiting to reply to your text, he knows exactly what he's doing.  

Edited October 4, 2020 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

He's probably used the jacket tactic plenty of times.  Darren B is right, he probably got it for $40 off eBay.  I would have just said thank you and be done.  He would have then made up an excuse to get it back for his next set up.

Edited October 4, 2020 by stillafool

[DarrenB]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Which my guess would be is exactly what he's banking on and expecting - her to chase! 

I seriously would not.  Be different from all the other women who would use his jacket as an opportunity (excuse) to reach out again, and meet.

You've already expressed interest in meeting again, let the guy wonder.  

He knows you have the jacket.  He will be in touch at some point, again let him wonder, be different, stand out from the crowd.

Leaving his jacket, waiting to reply to your text, he knows exactly what he's doing.  

Ahh, yes... mysterious - a true enigma!

[Watercolors]

2 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said:

My account is public he found me I didn’t add him. He added me. I could hardly say say no please don’t follow me after he did. 

You could have said, "No,, it's too early I'm not comfortable adding you until we get to know each other better." He found you on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter because you probably told him what your SM name was? My SM accounts are private. No one can find me unless I add them first. 

I still think you're playing with fire by adding him this soon. I mean, you had one date with the guy. He's still a complete stranger to you and now you have his jacket. While it was chivalrous to give you his jacket, you should have returned it to him at the end of the date. 

 

[Watercolors]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

He's probably used the jacket tactic plenty of times.  Darren B is right, he probably got it for $40 off eBay.  I would have just said thank you.

That's exactly what I said too. This guy is a total player. And the OP fell for his act hook, line, and sinker. Now he has access to her SM so he can further manipulate her online now. He doesn't have to work too hard to date her b/c he probably adds all of his first dates to his SM accounts. 

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, DarrenB said:

Ahh, yes... mysterious - a true enigma!

Not really.  Lol. It's called being on to his game and playing along.   

[Gaeta]

On 10/3/2020 at 6:41 PM, Blondegirl89 said:

 I had a date recently with a very nice guy. He really pursued me. He hounded me to meet him. I eventually agreed to meet him but he said he would be an hour and a half until he got into the city to meet me. 

So to clarify things. You got to your date on time and only once there he warned you he'd be 1 1/2 hour late?  but when pressured he shows up after 30 minutes. That guy isn't serious. Also, Every first date I had if the guy was interested in meeting again he would always say so in his good night text that he had a great time and would love to do it again, leaving the ball in my court to agree or dismiss. Your guy is not interested in a 2nd date and he doesn't care about getting the jacket back. Put it in the back of your closet for now, donate it next time to clean up your closet. 

[Fletch Lives]

Do the right thing - give it to me! 😄

[smackie9]

Maybe it was an experiment.

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree that if he was serious and really liked you, you'd have heard from him by now. Why do I get the feeling you're going to overlook things you shouldn't because you're impressed by the cost of the jacket? How do you even know how much it costs? Seems very weird. I agree it doesn't mean anything. Maybe he bought it used, maybe it was a gift. Don't let the price tag color your view of him.