Relationship End: How did you find your closure?

[hasekninh]

All of us have been or experience a break up. Sometime we hope or asked for closure but to no available. Why this happen? how this happen? What did I do wrong? etc.  

My relationship end about 4 years ago. I have move on and I am happy now. But sometime I do look back and hoping for a closure. My relationship break up didn't end up well. So many questions that I want to ask but have no answer to it. I try asked but all I got it " I don't have to answer your question".  If I do see my ex. I don't know what to say or even talk about. But why am I so depress about get closure. Nothing going to  change of what happen. I guess my feeling just want to have answer. I don't think my relationships end if because of mostly my fault. Maybe it both at fault. 

How do you deal with your closure and move on?  Did you ex give your closure that you are happy with?  Do you still talk to your ex? 

 

[Wiseman2]

Hopefully you have blocked and deleted your ex from all your social media and messaging apps.

The breakup itself is the closure. You know why you broke up.

If this has been bothering you for 4 years it may be time to talk to your doctor and therapist about the ruminating and extended sadness.

[d0nnivain]

You don't get closure from the other person.  They don't have the words. 

I got closure years later.  

One guy I bumped into about 4 years later.  His wife was pregnant.  He told me they scheduled a C section because it was more convenient for him.  Right then & there I got my closure.  He was so self centered.  Ugh

Another guy my closure actually came as I was planning my wedding to DH.  We had relative smooth sailing & no money problems, yet it was still stressful.  At that point I realized that if I had ever tried to do something as stressful as plan a wedding with my EX we would have broken up over the process.  

All you can really do is reflect on yourself.  What did you do or not do in the relationship?   Where could you have improved? 

As for what you talk about with an EX if you bump into them:  superficial pleasantries.  How are you?  How's the family?  See you around.  The whole exchange should take about 5 minutes.  Do not bring up the past.  Don't talk about your relationship.  Discuss nothing deep & do not linger. 

[schlumpy]

They won't give you an answer? Must not have been good. Probably would cast them as the bad guy or girl.

I say make up whatever you want. Make it as bad as you want or as good as you want depending on how you feel about the EX.

You don't owe them anything. They are most likely worried you will find out and when you keep asking, confirming you don't know, it means they can keep pretending they are a good person. 

Hint around that you do know and let them work on closure for awhile.

[stillafool]

You will never get closure from someone else only yourself.  Any questions they answer will only create more questions in your mind that will go unanswered.  You have to find your on closure in your own way.  

[FMW]

No one has even given me closure.  My closure has come through coming to terms and reaching peace within myself. Sometimes we don't get to know why.  That's true of a lot of things in this world.  

[TeddyBundy1993]

Well my closure came from knowing how she felt about me while I was hoping she will change her mind and return back through a mutual friend. But thankfully I was reading a lot here during those times and here they say closure comes from within, and that's really true. And yeah if the break up isnt mutual, your ex cannot give anything except stress pain and misery the best is shut any contact and save yourself. 

With time it gets better. Always. Analyzing who was at fault always keeps the mind in a delusional state, it's better no to go back and search for faults. Accept what your ex gave to you. And you start to move on thereafter.  On 15 October it will be 1 year when my ex left me for someone else, shes mother of her new b.f child. We still talk although I have made numerous attempts to cut contact even deactivated my facebook but she still finds a way to communicate. In this 1 year I have moved on a lot and no more stressed anymore adjusted in a life without her. I am still single.I am not happy but not sad either. Must thank people here for supporting me. Stay positive and keep minimum to no contact with your ex. You'll move to a extent when you can date again or least be happy without your ex someday

[Goodguy05]

On 10/4/2020 at 8:17 PM, hasekninh said:

All of us have been or experience a break up. Sometime we hope or asked for closure but to no available. Why this happen? how this happen? What did I do wrong? etc.  

My relationship end about 4 years ago. I have move on and I am happy now. But sometime I do look back and hoping for a closure. My relationship break up didn't end up well. So many questions that I want to ask but have no answer to it. I try asked but all I got it " I don't have to answer your question".  If I do see my ex. I don't know what to say or even talk about. But why am I so depress about get closure. Nothing going to  change of what happen. I guess my feeling just want to have answer. I don't think my relationships end if because of mostly my fault. Maybe it both at fault. 

How do you deal with your closure and move on?  Did you ex give your closure that you are happy with?  Do you still talk to your ex? 

 

I feel the same and sometimes I have never gotten closure you just have to live with it

[central]

Closure - or even an honest reason for a breakup - is rare.  When you get it, it's a gift.  Most of the time, you just have to shrug it off and move on, or you can get into a depressive rut.