Heatemyheart89 Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 I had a crush on someone for two years and went on a date with him . I stupidly thought he was interested and thought it went well. After there was radio silence from him and in the end he said I should take things slow and he didn’t want anything serious. As I had worked with him , I kind of thought I knew him . I told him I would be looking for a relationship with someone eventually and he ended up saying I was too needy and basically F off and be blocked me . I’ve seen him a few months later on tinder looking for someone, saying he is a really nice guy on his profile . For some reason, I can’t forget this rejection . I feel really stuck. In our interactions he pretty much mocked me. The thing is I’ve had a lot of rejection dating wise and now I feel stuck . I feel so silly going for someone who had no interest in me.I feel quite unworthy and also quite lonely . Any advice to just forget this and move on ? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 Sorry to hear that. Do you still work together? Hopefully you have blocked and deleted him from all your social media and messaging apps. He sounds like a jerk. Don't chase guys who are not interested. Get on some quality/paid dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 The way to forget him & move on is redirect your energy. Your 2 year crush did you in. That much time invested, you were farther along in the relationship then he was & you probably acted like this 1 date was more then it was. He picked up on that & didn't like it. You were too much too early for him. Plus you were all gaga over who you thought he was in your head which isn't who he actually is. Take a break from dating for the rest of the year. Read some books on self esteem & building confidence. Throw yourself into a hobby. Get some exercise. At the start of the new year re-enter the wonderful world of dating with a clean slate & renewed optimism. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 There are two parts to it. a) getting over the crush, and b) not taking rejection so hard. The fact that he was dismissive and unkind tells you that he wasn't the guy you thought he was, not your unicorn. Accept that realization. Use your rational mind to deconstruct the idealizing, emotional side. In a sense you were lucky to figure this out sooner rather than later. If you had gotten into a full relationship and then been subjected to this treatment it would be much harder. Rejection is hard for most all of us if we're starting to get invested. The only ones who are immune are probably closed off emotionally. What you need to accept is that you are worthy, and that it wasn't a not-good-enough type of thing. Often it's more about the other person not being open or available in some way. But even if it's personal based on what the other person says, it's still not a reason to doubt your own worthiness. Yea, it's hard and this isn't going to keep it from stinging, but if you're confident of your intrinsic value it will help you to roll on past and try again. The important thing is to process it and try again. If you default to protectionist mode, that's a problem... and that is about your reaction, which is within your realm of control. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 4 hours ago, Heatemyheart89 said: Quote I had a crush on someone for two years and went on a date with him . I stupidly thought he was interested and thought it went well. After there was radio silence from him and in the end he said I should take things slow and he didn’t want anything serious. He must have been interested at first or he wouldn't have asked you out on a date. Or did you ask him out? Dating is about getting to know someone to see if there is enough chemistry and compatibility to move forward to a relationship. Some people decide they aren't feeling it on the first date and don't want to waste anymore of the other person's time nor theirs. Quote As I had worked with him , I kind of thought I knew him . I told him I would be looking for a relationship with someone eventually and he ended up saying I was too needy and basically F off and be blocked me . Was there more to the conversation or your actions than this? It's hard to believe someone would just come out and say this to you. What brought this on? Quote I’ve seen him a few months later on tinder looking for someone, saying he is a really nice guy on his profile . Yes people do keep looking for a compatible partner when their other dates don't work out. This too is normal. Quote For some reason, I can’t forget this rejection . I feel really stuck. In our interactions he pretty much mocked me. The thing is I’ve had a lot of rejection dating wise and now I feel stuck . I feel so silly going for someone who had no interest in me.I feel quite unworthy and also quite lonely . He obviously was interested at first or he wouldn't have asked you out. Stop being so hard on yourself. Just take some time off to heal and then restart the dating process. Unfortunately not everyone we want, wants us back and we have to learn to deal with it. Also it's helpful to recognize when the other person's interest level doesn't match yours and to know when to step away and move on from them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted October 4, 2020 Author Share Posted October 4, 2020 Hi @stillafool. He initiated convo with me after I left the work place. We had previously flirted at a party, but nothing major. I asked he if would like to meet up at some point. He picked me up and took me to a nice place and flirted with me and said I looked good. He wasn't in touch but I contacted him to say I enjoyed it and he told me he would like to meet up again at some point but ' don't rush something that may come about, he doesn't want something so serious at the moment so let us see how things pan out'. I just said I would be looking to get to know someone and have dates etc. He said 'okay, lets be friends, I am moving back to my home country anyway and I have no time for you'. I said thanks I would like to leave it and was like jesus f***** christ calm down and chill out, f off and blocked me. I was surprised he was saying he wanted something serious on his dating profile, but it was just a fob off to me saying he didn't want one to me. Overall, I did the chasing and set myself up for the rejection here. I won't be doing this again. But me and him aren't compatible. Thanks all for the good advice, I will be taking a break from dating for now. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 4 minutes ago, Heatemyheart89 said: . I said thanks I would like to leave it and was like jesus f***** christ calm down and chill out, f off and blocked me. I see so after you said this to him he blocked you. Well just because you weren't for this guy the good news is there are millions of other men out there to explore. One monkey doesn't stop the show. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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