My parent tells me: You always flaunted your [ girlfriends/boyfriends ] in front of me ever since you were a teenager!

[Lookingforlasting]

How would you feel about your same-sex parent saying this to you? "You always flaunted your [ girlfriends/boyfriends ] in front of me ever since you were a teenager! " said very angrily almost yelling.

 

Edited October 10, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Clarity in title

[basil67]

I'd look at the conversation which happened prior to their comment and look for the cause.  

 

Edited October 4, 2020 by basil67

[major_merrick]

I'd tell 'em where to stick it and walk out. 

But then, my parents were trash and my mother died in prison as a sex offender, so I probably wouldn't base your decisions on my life.  Hopefully your situation is better than mine was.

[Ruby Slippers]

This sounds like jealousy, the words of someone who's not happy with his or her life. My mom has always liked meeting my cute gentleman friends 😉

[Lookingforlasting]

Thanks for responses all...I am looking for how people would FEEL and/or REACT to it though (like how major-merrick responded).

 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Lookingforlasting

[Veronica73]

I think I’d be a little creeped out.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'd feel sorry for her. And be annoyed with the yelling.

[stillafool]

I'd ask them what are they talking about because I need to know in what context this was said.

[elaine567]

What is a same-sex parent?
A parent who is in a same sex  relationship? or as you are a woman, your "mother" in other words?

[mark clemson]

4 hours ago, Lookingforlasting said:

I am looking for how people would FEEL and/or REACT to it though (like how major-merrick responded).

 

Why, exactly, if you don't mind me asking? As I'm sure you know, there are no actual RULES when it comes to feelings, particularly about something this odd.

Are you trying to justify your own reactions? Curious about the psychology of family wrt relationships? Writing a moving script?

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Lookingforlasting said:

"You always flaunted your [ girlfriends/boyfriends ] in front of me ever since you were a teenager! " said very angrily almost yelling.

 

Distance yourself from your mother is she has these type of issues. Was your parents divorce nasty?

[Lookingforlasting]

46 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

What is a same-sex parent?
A parent who is in a same sex  relationship? or as you are a woman, your "mother" in other words?

Yes if you are male... it would be your father etc...

[stillafool]

Why did he say that OP?

[vla1120]

21 hours ago, Lookingforlasting said:

"You always flaunted your [ girlfriends/boyfriends ] in front of me ever since you were a teenager! " said very angrily almost yelling.

 

I'd never bring a boyfriend around my mother again, if she had ever said that to me. Same if I were a guy, and my father said that to me. 

[GorillaTheater]

"You should have told me you were interested, I would've passed along your number."

[basil67]

7 hours ago, Lookingforlasting said:

Thanks for responses all...I am looking for how people would FEEL and/or REACT to it though (like how major-merrick responded).

 

The way I would FEEL or REACT would depend entirely on the context of the conversation.  It would also depend on whether I had said hateful things to her first.  If we’d been in a shouting match, one of my first instincts may well be to de-escalate the situation. 

Seriously, a statement such as this generally doesn’t launch itself from nowhere.  And given the lack of context for the statement, I must also consider the possibility that said parent has dementia and doesn’t know who I am.  

Edited October 5, 2020 by basil67

[Lookingforlasting]

I am female and it was my mother during and argument completely unrelated to the comment.  I left her house feeling extremely disturbed.  The next day I went back and said "That comment you made yesterday really bothered me".  She replied "Thats because there's a lot of truth to it!"  I was perplexed and weirded out yet again and left.  On a phone call later I told her I had ran it by some friends who have daughters and all found it odd and inappropriate.  She strongly again replied "My mother said weird things to me too!"  At some point I told her "Well you dont ever have to worry about me bringing another boyfriend around you ever again."

That was 10 years ago.  I have not spoken or seen her since.  I know some of you are saying she's old and/or has dementia....her faculties are fine.... and keep in mind she said "since I was a teenager".  After she made the comment it was as though my whole life's memories flashed before my mind and I recalled all the weird looks and comments and, now seeing it clearly, the competitiveness she exhibited my entire life. 

To answer someone's questions about my parents...yes very dramatic divorce and he moved back to his country after when I was 4 and I never saw him again until I was 20 after reaching out to find him but I was not  able to maintain the relationship....no idea if he is even still alive.

[stillafool]

25 minutes ago, Lookingforlasting said:

"That comment you made yesterday really bothered me".  She replied "Thats because there's a lot of truth to it!"  I was perplexed and weirded out yet again and left.

Did you ask her why she made that comment to you?  Of course your friends and everyone else would think that comment was inappropriate if stated the way you did here.  What was your mother's reason for saying it?

[Ruby Slippers]

22 minutes ago, Lookingforlasting said:

That was 10 years ago.  I have not spoken or seen her since.  I know some of you are saying she's old and/or has dementia....her faculties are fine.... and keep in mind she said "since I was a teenager".  After she made the comment it was as though my whole life's memories flashed before my mind and I recalled all the weird looks and comments and, now seeing it clearly, the competitiveness she exhibited my entire life. 

OK, so it sounds like you're still carrying lingering hurt over this behavior. It's healthy to set boundaries and even take some time away from family or friends who are behaving in ways that are hurting you. Eventually, if you haven't already, you'll benefit from accepting what happened, venting the emotions, and letting it go.

Do you have any guesses as to why your mother was/is so unhappy she competed with her own daughter?

[Lookingforlasting]

13 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Did you ask her why she made that comment to you?  Of course your friends and everyone else would think that comment was inappropriate if stated the way you did here.  What was your mother's reason for saying it?

As I already said... we were arguing about something completely different which escapes me now... that was in part why I was so caught off guard...it had nothing to do with the argument.  And yes the response when I asked why she made the comment was "My mother said weird things to me too!"

Edited October 5, 2020 by Lookingforlasting

[Lookingforlasting]

21 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

OK, so it sounds like you're still carrying lingering hurt over this behavior. It's healthy to set boundaries and even take some time away from family or friends who are behaving in ways that are hurting you. Eventually, if you haven't already, you'll benefit from accepting what happened, venting the emotions, and letting it go.

Do you have any guesses as to why your mother was/is so unhappy she competed with her own daughter?

My mother was molested her entire childhood by 3 family members.. that is the crux of her issues which I tried to help her with for 20 years and why, in part, I was so upset by her comment... I spent so much time trying to help her and she throws a disturbing comment like that at me.  I was a depressed kid after my parents divorced and my dad was gone overnight and my mother made it impossible for my father to contact me (ie, parental alienation)....it wasn't until I was 15 and had first boyfriend I started to come out of depression....I guess she couldnt stand that I was becoming happy :roll eyes:

She made other inappropriate comments about bfs...like I invited her to an event I was hosting to get her out of the house.  She responded "I dont want to sit alone though"  I told her she could sit with my bf who was also going.  She said "OH good I can flirt with him while youre on stage and you cant do anything about it"

That and other comments I used to just kind of brush off came back to memory full force after her weirdo comment and triggered my decision to distance. I also wrote off my sister (lives 3000 miles away) who only ever visited my mother 2xs in 20 years and was absolutely no help to me when I mentioned the comments she made.  My sister always had excuses why she couldnt come home for holidays.  I used to spend every holiday with my mother...just me and her because no family around... and then I would spend the rest of the time with friends.

Edited October 5, 2020 by Lookingforlasting

[GorillaTheater]

Are you having second thoughts about cutting these folks out of your life?

[Lookingforlasting]

Well it sucks because I'm very family and friend-oriented.  My mother sent a few emails to try to sucker me back in (as a friend told me after reading them)... my sister none (she never liked me or cared about me like a real sister).  I had told my mother when she made the comment I think she needed to talk to a counselor about it because she couldnt apologize (she said in one convo in a very mocking lame voice "What do you want? Do you want me to apologize?" and then said "I'm sorry" in a very fake mocking voice. FIVE years later my mother sent me an email that she was going to talk to a therapist about the comment she made to me.  I didnt respond given it was 5 years later and she never followed up.   f*** them both... now my sister can take a turn at having to care after all these years I was the only one who did because she lived to far away to even come home for holidays...m My mother even offered to pay for her flights often :roll eyes:

Edited October 5, 2020 by Lookingforlasting

[Wiseman2]

Is this thread to explore your attraction to younger men? It's doubtful it's due to strained relationships or a bad childhood. It may just be your preference because of the stamina.

[basil67]

37 minutes ago, Lookingforlasting said:

My mother was molested her entire childhood by 3 family members

Your poor mother was broken by this.   The experience has skewed her to the point where she relates to men in very unhealthy ways.     It's a credit to you that you've tried to help her all these years, but sometimes, people are so broken that they can't be fixed.   As difficult as it is, if she won't get help, you're probably right to walk away from it all.   Just try to remember that her hurtful words are the words of someone who's broken - not someone who's deliberately trying to hurt you.