sadlynotinlove Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 I met this guy on a whim while I was visiting another city. We are 1600 miles apart, so I realize we are long distance. The night was a blast - we hit it off really well, were immensely attracted to each other, and it felt like we had the whole city to ourselves that night. We did end up hooking up (which was the best I had in a while), he got my number and we parted ways. He texted me the day after saying I should come back so we could spend more time together, and normally I don't continue conversation with a hookup just to keep any potential feelings from arising. However, with him, I kept the conversation going and we would text each other paragraphs everyday, sexted, and he even said that he is addicted to me and made it seem like he really wanted to see me again. This went on for a little over two weeks. One day, I noticed that he deleted his profile off the app we met and then never responded to my most recent text. It's been a week since I have heard from him now. My only guess is that he either got back with his ex of 3 years that he mentioned, or somehow found a new girl within a week? Why am I so hurt by being ghosted by him? I know we weren't anything to begin with and probably had no future in store for us, but I enjoyed talking to him, was smitten by our hookup, and felt an incentive to visit the city again. Now I am completely turned off by the idea and actually want to ask him to delete the pictures of me that he said he'd saved. Link to post Share on other sites
Angelle Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 You get used to someone, and the feelings associated with them. I'm sorry that he ghosted you. ❤️ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 What your head knew -- that you were 1,600 miles apart so this was unrealistic -- is not what your heart knew -- this was fun & flattering. You enjoyed talking to him. Now that it's no longer an option you miss him. Hang in there. Find other things & people to occupy your time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 If this was a hook up for sex he like you probably really enjoyed the evening but you being 1600 miles away he knew it wasn't going anywhere. Plus men don't get as attached by sex the way women do. That is why hook ups are best left to people who can have sex and brush it off with getting their emotions involved. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 11 hours ago, sadlynotinlove said: I met this guy on a whim My only guess is that he either got back with his ex of 3 years that he mentioned, or somehow found a new girl within a day? Think of it as a fun adventure, not dating or a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 You made a small emotional investment, creating more of a sense of attachment. You were smitten and those attachments always linger in the mind longer. I think you can do better. Don't bother contacting him. I'd block, delete, and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 On 10/5/2020 at 7:33 AM, sadlynotinlove said: My only guess is that he either got back with his ex of 3 years that he mentioned, or somehow found a new girl within a week? To be fair, you don't know if he was already talking to or seeing someone else at the same time he was talking to you. Remember, he's a stranger and you have no idea how honest he is. It hurts because you were enjoying it and were flattered by his attention, but in the end, it's better for this to stop here. It would have hurt more if you'd gotten emotionally invested only to be ghosted months down the road. He could have handled it more maturely but at least it was early days and the investment was minor. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 On 10/5/2020 at 1:33 AM, sadlynotinlove said: Now I am completely turned off by the idea and actually want to ask him to delete the pictures of me that he said he'd saved. Don't waste your time. That's a lot of drama. He most likely will not delete them, so stay silent and maintain your dignity. It was what it was and it ran out of gas. Two strangers who shared a really nice time that wasn't meant to last any longer than what transpired. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: To be fair, you don't know if he was already talking to or seeing someone else at the same time he was talking to you. Remember, he's a stranger and you have no idea how honest he is. It hurts because you were enjoying it and were flattered by his attention, but in the end, it's better for this to stop here. It would have hurt more if you'd gotten emotionally invested only to be ghosted months down the road. He could have handled it more maturely but at least it was early days and the investment was minor. My thoughts exactly. You had a fun fling but it petered out because it just did. You really don't know him at all. He could be having flings with lots of women and sending them paragraph long texts and sexting with them too. One hot night, does not a relationship make. You got swept up in the fantasy of "what could have been" until "what is" hit you like hard. The reality is: you had a great ONS with a guy who you emotionally invested in b/c of things you want. But he wouldn't or couldn't give you those things, so now your feelings are hurt. Just drop it and try to find someone local to date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hpchic Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 This was a fling and it was fun while it lasted but realistically you live too far from each other for it to be sustainable, he knew that. It’s always hurtful when someone you liked just ghosts like that, but I think you’re more bothered by the ghosting rather than ending of this fling. Ghosting is fairly common after a few weeks of knowing each other, so please try not to take it personally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 You were hoping for something more, but your actions screamed “fun” girl. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 (edited) I think the situation in general called for it being a fun experience, nothing more, nothing less. OP, the reason why you are upset now may be because you had expectations of it being "more," you became too attached to the outcome. Versus enjoying it for what it was and simply having fun with it. 1600 miles is a long ways, and yes I know there are couples who have made it work, but realistically it's really best to not have that expectation and to enjoy for what it is. And not allow yourself to become attached to the outcome which it sounds like you did here. You'd be surprised how lowering expectations and not being too attached to the outcome can change the dynamic of any dating situation or interaction, local, long-distance or on-line. From an anxiety-fraught and confusing place to a happy, fun and more emotionally peaceful place. I'm not saying that it wouldn't hurt if they suddenly ghosted, but it would hurt less and be less confusing. BTDT. Edited October 9, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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