His E-mail

[newbby]

hot coco, i think everyone is well aware of your views now.

[Confused Woman]

"I cant shake you from my thoughts. Last night all i could think of was you. What were you doing why didnt you reply to my text message or my e-mail. I know this break up is new. I know your trying to move on at this point. I dont want to seem bother some and if you feel that way just tell me to lose your information and i will. I cant stop loving you.

 

I do believe everything happens for a reason. So what was the reason for us meeting and then returning to the lives we had previously. If this ship cant be righted then is it possible to go on the way it is now.

 

I'm hurting and i cant seem to gather my thoughts together. i want to see you, just want to know how your feeling. i just dont want to drop by, but i dont want to mess up your situation any further. This is a real predicament i cant have or love the person i want and i dont love the person i'm with.

 

My kids are my everything without them i cant be me. At the same time being me doesnt allow me to love their mother. Sorry for all the hurt and pain i caused you."

[legrtova]

 

Why do people get involved with people who belong to someone else? I don't get it. I never will.

 

 

Never say never. I was exactly like you in my views 10 months ago. Now I am on the other side, learning my life lesson not to judge, and not to say 'never'.

Sh** happens and we are here for understanding and advice;)

[whichwayisup]

"I cant shake you from my thoughts. Last night all i could think of was you. What were you doing why didnt you reply to my text message or my e-mail. I know this break up is new. I know your trying to move on at this point. I dont want to seem bother some and if you feel that way just tell me to lose your information and i will. I cant stop loving you.

 

I do believe everything happens for a reason. So what was the reason for us meeting and then returning to the lives we had previously. If this ship cant be righted then is it possible to go on the way it is now.

 

I'm hurting and i cant seem to gather my thoughts together. i want to see you, just want to know how your feeling. i just dont want to drop by, but i dont want to mess up your situation any further. This is a real predicament i cant have or love the person i want and i dont love the person i'm with.

 

My kids are my everything without them i cant be me. At the same time being me doesnt allow me to love their mother. Sorry for all the hurt and pain i caused you."

 

I hope didn't reply to his email. For your sake.

[legrtova]

Oh god, he is SOOOO trying to leave his foot in the door.....he wants the best of both worlds again!

I've heard the same so many times!

Block his email?

 

P.S. Hasn't his wife read the mail you sent her yet?

[MustB1]

I think you should just send that to his wife also.

 

YOU are not planning on allowing this guy back in your life are you CW?

 

Think about it he is a creep. HE is begging to keep you as a side fling, nothing more. He is USING HIS KIDS TO SHIELD HIS being a weak man. HIS KIDS!! Yuck. Why do married men do that? They don't seem to think of the kids when they are spending time away to get an extra lay, do they? Or that what they are doing on the side affects the family dynamic no matter what they believe!

Anyhow, if you think about his emails what he seems to be doing is keeping addicted to the string along, and sadly he could be stringing anyone along it doesn't have to be you, it just happens to be YOU.

 

CW just send that email with a note to his wife asking her to keep him away from you. She would be the biggest help you will have with that.

You wouldn't really still want him would you?

[Hot Coco]

Newbbie, excellent! I'm so glad you get my views. Maybe some of it will actually sink in!

 

Good luck to you!

 

As far as not being in those shoes...well, as a matter of fact I have been. And was VERY tempted and attracted but decided to do the right thing and "just say no." Gave up short term happiness so that I wouldn't have to suffer and make others suffer pain for the long-term.

[Sami_D]

I agree that the wife DOES deserve to know but what a horrible way to find out.

 

Also, I agree that pretty much that email is going to "make or break" that marriage. It could very well be that they'll come back even stronger but if it breaks them he'll never go running back into the arms of the woman who finished the marriage off.

 

Speaking from my own POV... if it had been me sending this email to his W, then that would have been part of the point. To get MM OUT of my system. To BREAK it. To make sure it's over. It seems to me that if I would have got to that point, I'd be blowing up bridges left right and centre.

 

Most people act selfishly. I can't find myself criticising anything the OP did. For one thing, I think the W really needs to know what he's saying to OW. For another thing, I think that the OP can get herself free of the situation this way. And no, none of it is 'right', but why is it always the OW who is held up to some kind of moral microscope? This man is a complete ***. That much is certain. No woman should be involved with him. And I think the OP probably did his W a huge favour sending this information.

 

Why is the W never asked: what about your self-esteem? Why are you staying with this man ('just because') there are children involved? WHY is it that the OW is the one who needs to 'move on' and have 'self-esteem'? When the W is painted as this accepting creature who will put up with anything just so she can have some self-serving **** in her life so that her children can look up to someone/anyone as 'daddy'?

 

When affairs happen, there is so much contradiction, double-standards, moralising and so on that it's really hard to see the wood for the trees.

 

W need to have self-respect and a life too. Or not?

[wahaha1]

ConfusedWoman, by seeing more email from this guy, I think you are in a dilemma now. Have you make up your mind yet?

[Quest2]

*giving information in the beginning and not the end is a favor (If she knew about W in the beginning)

[Ladyjane14]

If it helps you at all Confused Woman, I don't think you were really "in love" with that guy. NC will be a breeze if you can identify with that particular concept.

 

There's only two things that could be going on with him. Either he told you the truth, or he lied.

 

If he told you the truth....then you crushed him like a grape. His feelings weren't important to you when the chips were really down. You couldn't have possibly loved him. Love is kinder than that.

 

If he lied, then he was never the man you thought he was. Thus, he was ALWAYS a figment of your imagination. You could be in love with the conceptual man, but not the actual man.

 

This could be a case of simple competition. You chose the most effective means of devastating a rival. In a love triangle, one person is divided....but the other two are pitted against one another as antagonists.

 

This might just be my opinion , but I think it may have been more important to you to ruin your rival than to get the guy.

 

Maybe, underneath it all, you didn't really want him. (????) That could be a comforting thought in the end.

[Confused Woman]

Well she knows. I received a call from his work phone earlier today, and she was in the background. (I wonder if she made a scene at his job). I didn’t pick up but on the message I could hear him telling her he wouldn’t give her my number. He must have given it to her though because after that I received a string of calls from her. She only left one message though, asking me to be a "woman" and call her back. She left her cell phone number. I haven’t called her back, don’t plan on it. From my perspective there is nothing left to say. She now needs to deal with her "husband".

 

I don’t care what happens now, whether they kiss and make up or whatever. My point was to bring his BS to light, and it’s been brought. She’ll forever know what kind of man she has and how much disrespect he has for her. She now knows what she married and what she’s stuck with.

 

Wondering now what their next move will be towards me if anything. I know he's pissed, I can't help but get satisfaction from knowing that I exposed him....

[Hot Coco]

Funny how some people get their kicks!

 

Also, just curious but why did you put the word husband in quotes? Isn't he really her husband?

[Hot Coco]

Speaking from my own POV... if it had been me sending this email to his W, then that would have been part of the point. To get MM OUT of my system. To BREAK it. To make sure it's over. It seems to me that if I would have got to that point, I'd be blowing up bridges left right and centre.

 

Most people act selfishly. I can't find myself criticising anything the OP did. For one thing, I think the W really needs to know what he's saying to OW. For another thing, I think that the OP can get herself free of the situation this way. And no, none of it is 'right', but why is it always the OW who is held up to some kind of moral microscope? This man is a complete ***. That much is certain. No woman should be involved with him. And I think the OP probably did his W a huge favour sending this information.

 

Why is the W never asked: what about your self-esteem? Why are you staying with this man ('just because') there are children involved? WHY is it that the OW is the one who needs to 'move on' and have 'self-esteem'? When the W is painted as this accepting creature who will put up with anything just so she can have some self-serving **** in her life so that her children can look up to someone/anyone as 'daddy'?

 

When affairs happen, there is so much contradiction, double-standards, moralising and so on that it's really hard to see the wood for the trees.

 

W need to have self-respect and a life too. Or not?

 

 

Not trying to be a bit-h. Just really trying to understand. So are you saying that in your world the W is as bad as the OW/OM? WOW! Now, THAT'S a stretch! And by the way, no one said he's not wrong. He's scum too. But what the he!! is the W guilty of except not being very good at picking a husband.

 

And dear, sometimes staying together "just because of the children" is a noble cause. It's a VERY unselfish act. I realize that's a foreign concept to some.

 

And you know what else? I don't think "most people" act selfishly. Not the degree shown here anyway! Very, very sad. All the way around.

[Sami_D]

Not trying to be a bit-h. Just really trying to understand. So are you saying that in your world the W is as bad as the OW/OM? WOW! Now, THAT'S a stretch! And by the way, no one said he's not wrong. He's scum too. But what the he!! is the W guilty of except not being very good at picking a husband.

 

And dear, sometimes staying together "just because of the children" is a noble cause. It's a VERY unselfish act. I realize that's a foreign concept to some.

 

And you know what else? I don't think "most people" act selfishly. Not the degree shown here anyway! Very, very sad. All the way around.

 

No, I'm not saying the W is guilty of anything! Where did that come from?

 

I thought my questions about the W's 'right to know' (if it can be expressed like that, though I don't think it's a right exactly) were straightforward, but I seem to be making a few posts here today where I really don't get over my point in any way clearly.

[megabit15]

No, I'm not saying the W is guilty of anything! Where did that come from?

 

I thought my questions about the W's 'right to know' (if it can be expressed like that, though I don't think it's a right exactly) were straightforward, but I seem to be making a few posts here today where I really don't get over my point in any way clearly.

 

I understood your questions Sami That is why I said that too often the W blames the OW, and that the W has the right to know about what her H says about her. She (as well as the OW) cannot make a good decision on what to do with their lives unless they themselves see the truth, and it is usually in short supply during an extra martial affair.

[Hot Coco]

Why is the W never asked: what about your self-esteem? Why are you staying with this man ('just because') there are children involved? WHY is it that the OW is the one who needs to 'move on' and have 'self-esteem'? When the W is painted as this accepting creature who will put up with anything just so she can have some self-serving **** in her life so that her children can look up to someone/anyone as 'daddy'?

 

 

I guess it was the above quote Sami that leads one to believe you think the W IS guilty of something. I think the anger displayed for the W is misplaced.

[megabit15]

Why is the W never asked: what about your self-esteem? Why are you staying with this man ('just because') there are children involved? WHY is it that the OW is the one who needs to 'move on' and have 'self-esteem'? When the W is painted as this accepting creature who will put up with anything just so she can have some self-serving **** in her life so that her children can look up to someone/anyone as 'daddy'?

 

 

I guess it was the above quote Sami that leads one to believe you think the W IS guilty of something. I think the anger displayed for the W is misplaced.

I guess I kind of read it like she was sick of people portraying the W as a saint while casting all blame on OW.

 

And "...accepting creature who will put up with anything just so she can have some self-serving **** in her life.....?" really speaks about both women, doesn't it?

[Hot Coco]

You know what? I completely agree with you on that Mega BUT the W is still the innocent victim in this scenario.

[floatinglotus]

Hi,

 

When I told the W, I got an email the following night from the MM. It sounded like a threat but he's in Bangkok so I consider myself safe.

 

I wouldn't overly worry. Definitely don't call her back. You've done what you felt you needed to do and it's now up to the both of them.

 

Let us know how you go.

 

Cheers,

 

FL

[sunflower1008]

You've done what you felt you needed to do and it's now up to the both of them.

 

 

I agree with you FL. You've done what you needed to do and now it's time to move on. That was then, this is now, and now is the time to move forward.

 

Hopefully you can move forward and not be dragged down by the MM or the W. This should be the closure for you.

[erika2610]

Not trying to be a bit-h. Just really trying to understand. So are you saying that in your world the W is as bad as the OW/OM? WOW! Now, THAT'S a stretch! And by the way, no one said he's not wrong. He's scum too. But what the he!! is the W guilty of except not being very good at picking a husband.

 

And dear, sometimes staying together "just because of the children" is a noble cause. It's a VERY unselfish act. I realize that's a foreign concept to some.

 

And you know what else? I don't think "most people" act selfishly. Not the degree shown here anyway! Very, very sad. All the way around.

 

I don't think it's a noble cause at all. I grew up with my parents 'just staying together for the kids'. They did nothing but fight. And kids are very perceptive, and know when something's wrong. I wish my parents had divorced long before they did. And why are you in this forum.. just out of curiousity? Just to judge? That seems to be all you're doing.. most of us come here for support.. from woman who've been in our shoes. Why come here and bash these girls?

[erika2610]

Sorry Hot Coco.. I just read your other thread & now I feel bad. Ignore that

[Hot Coco]

It's ok, Erika...I'm used to being "bashed" on here by now. I've developed a thick skin. But you know what...I don't see anything really wrong with people who have no direct experience with this coming on and expressing their views. It's not always a "bash"

 

But anyway, to get to my point. I agree with you that if the couple is staying together just for the kids but are fighting all the time it's not healthy for the kids. But it's STILL noble intentions on their part. Also, not every couple fights all the time. Some couples who aren't close anymore are just emotionally closed off to each other but don't go around fighting and carrying on and screaming.

 

So I realize, from your perspective, that you think it's not a noble cause but maybe when you were a kid, you would have been even MORE miserable if they had split up and weren't both under the same roof. You'll never really know the answer to that.

[Hot Coco]

Just wanted to vent/rant for a sec. Why do people automatically think you're "bashing" if you state an opinion that's different than others? I'm sorry but I just don't get that. I believe everything I've said. People should stop thinking a person is "bashing" them if they express a different view. As long as it's done in a respectful and not in a rude way, I don't see how it's bashing. I've never been rude or disrespectful to anyone on here.

 

I'm not attacking you, ERika. And I don't want you to feel bad for what you said. Really, don't worry about it. This was just something I wanted to get off my chest. I mean doesn't everyone here comment on things (in other threads) that they don't have DIRECT experience with.

 

I welcome all comments/viewpoints whether the person has had experience with the subject matter or not. I guess I would just weigh the viewpoints of the experienced people more but the others are still welcome.

 

I think we should all keep that in mind when we think about that before we tell people they're bashing.

 

How would you like it if you were attacked on other boards if you made a comment about something you don't have any experience with? You wouldn't like it. Because you might still have a legitimate viewpoint without having had that direct experience with the subject.