Something is keeping me from achieving.

[Georgedel]

ADHD? Laziness? Mental blockage?

 

I'm a dad and a husband and times have been tight due to the COVID and losing one of my jobs I had.

We're doing "ok" but I need to step up my game because living paycheck to paycheck is not ok with me. I hate it.

I'm having trouble focusing and getting myself out of bed to work my new FT job and another PT job on the weekends.

My new FT job is commission sales. It has GREAT earning potential if you kick butt. Lately, I wouldn't say that I'm 'depressed'... but I've

lost my drive to excel at it. I've always been a hard worker, always on the move, always going. 

 

...But...

 

Worrying about money, worrying about bills, worrying about keeping my wife happy, worrying about providing for the kids takes way

too much of my brain space all day.. when I should be committing wholeheartedly to the new job. So, I end up wasting time on social media

or wasting time listening to motivational things...wasting time worrying and working while in a daydream flux all day... and before I know it,

the day is wasted. I do that, I think, as a stress reliever and I hate it.

 

What should I do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

As far as the money, make a monthly budget and stick to it.

You and your wife sit down before the first of the month and spend your paychecks on paper first!  I understand the commission aspect of your income, so be conservative with estimating that portion of your income.  Worst case scenario... what is the minimum that you will earn from that income source... use that figure in your spreadsheet.

Now that you know "approximately" what your income is... skim off the first 20% for long term savings.  After that pay the loans, then food, then utilities, gasoline, etc. then and only then can you budget some "entertainment" or "fun" money.  Also, meals can be made cheaply with a little forethought and planning.  Yes, you will get sick of rice, but you have to stay the course with the budget.  Once the budget is complete for the month, stick to it.  Do not deviate, at all!

PUT NOTHING ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS!! NOTHING!!

Once you have alleviated that financial pressure off of yourself, I bet you'll feel better and be more focused at work.

[d0nnivain]

Make a scheduled & stick to it.  

Sometimes I can also be helped by tracking the time I spend: 

Made sales call 20 min

Wasted time online 1.5 hours

Ate lunch:  1 hour 

You get the idea.  When you see where your time goes that may help you get back on track. 

The 15 minute rule is another helpful trick.  Commit to working for 15 minutes .You can do anything for 15 minutes.  So work.  Then reward yourself if you like or better yet, commit to another 15.  Set a timer if you have to.   Sometimes getting started is the hardest part.  

[FMW]

My work has been super busy (I'm fortunate, but it's stressful) and adjusting to working from home all the time and other big changes in life from COVID has really sapped my motivation too.  That's a real problem since I have more work than ever. 

I strongly agree with d0nnivain's 15 minute rule.  Sometimes I just have to put my head down and plow through the ennui that hits at times.  If I'm lucky the 15 minutes turns into an hour, then I jump up and put on a load of laundry, water plants, but then I get right back to it for another hour or so.  Then I check out what's going on here on this forum or in the news.  But as d0nnivain said, the breaks are a reward, not the bulk of your time. 

Taking things in increments usually gives me back my motivation, seeing a little progress helps motivate me to dig in deeper.  Most of the time now I'm back to working for hours with barely looking up, but there are days I have to use put the incremental approach.

  

[Watercolors]

George you and your wife need to work together to solve your financial problems. Don't delude yourself that it's the man's job to be the provider, because it's the 21st century, not the 1800s. You two need to divide and conquer.

Have either of you applied to your local county for housing assistance with mortgage payments, SNAP food stamps, energy bill assistance, and emergency assistance? I would go that route first. It's all income based. If you both don't make enough income, you may qualify. You can also downgrade to streaming service only, to get rid of your monthly cable/internet bill and also go with a family plan on with a cellphone company to save $$ that way. It's about writing down a list and then tackling the item, one at a time.

Prioritize the list with the most important at the top. 

1. Mortgage - apply for county support
2. Energy Bill - apply for county support
3. Kids school tuition - public school is free
4. Car Payment - call car loan lender, ask to put the payment at the end of the loan so you get one month of no payment OR break up the monthly payment into small payments
5. Car Insurance - find the cheapest car insurance
6. Internet/Cable TV - go to streaming service, cut the cable cord
7. Cellphone - find a family plan that is affordable
8. Food - apply for county support like SNAP
9. SAVINGS: Put $40 in savings a week (or pick an amount)

Second, it sounds like you hate your sales commission job. So, if you hate it, find another job and then quit that one. Or, go back to school. Yes, there will be student loans involved, but you can also apply for grants.

I think you are on social media all day as an avoidance tactic. This is where organizational skills come into play. Like donnivain suggested, create a schedule. In fact, go to Walgreens, by one of those magnetic white board calendars and post it in your family kitchen. And then buy one for yourself to put in your office or study at your home that only you follow. My BIL does that. He hates his job, but he has to do it to help my sister pay their bills. He can work from home sometimes, so he has a whiteboard near his desk in his home office and he keeps his daily schedule that way. He was depressed and felt stuck like you did. But having a way to keep himself accountable for how he spends his time has improved his mood a lot, from what I've been told.

 

[cbr600r]

In addition to all the above suggestions, learn how to meditate, and actually make time to do it every day. You don't need to do meditation for hours; even just 10 minutes a day will yield some benefits with regard to your mental clarity and wellbeing.

[gaius]

Having a wife and family is great, providing for them is great, but I think a lot of guys fall into the trap of losing themselves in that role. You're pretty much consumed 24/7 with the needs of others and that's not healthy at all for a man.

Getting back in touch with your needs and using those to motivate you would be helpful. What can your wife do to make you happy for a change? One of the many things I have to give my beautiful wife credit for is it's not always just about her. My needs are important as well. And that's highly motivating. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. You seem super stressed.

Does your wife work? How were your finances before the covid layoffs?

Try not to catastrophize. It will simply deepen your inertia through paralysis.

Step back and make some realistic assessments of your financial health.

If you can trim off some of the fat. Go through your tax returns, check your credit score asses your asset/debt ratio and start there.

Perhaps seeing that you can streamline things here and there rather than fretting about your family living in a cardboard box will help.

Also consider that a commission job may not be the best choice in covid times or in precarious situations 

Keep looking for paycheck jobs even if the "potential earnings" are not as glamorous as the commission job promises but doesn't guarantee.

Searching for a more secure paycheck may be what you need to get out of this funk. Good luck.