Chances with no contact - seemingly impulsive breakup and block

[Juliette Bravo]

Bit of a unique situation;

My ex of 19 months broke up with me on the 8th of September and have been in no direct contact since 11th sept, our story is strange;

We lived with each other, both have children and they called the respective parent step mum/dad 

So a few things happened.

I messaged other women. Not in a horrible way, I messages friends who are female but knew she wouldn't like this, so I deleted them, nothing to hide but she made a point to me that she didn't like me having contact with other women, even though they were just friends, hence me deleting the messages, this happened twice.

 She found out and it hurt her, I take that on the chin, it was my fault. 
She asked me to move out, with the idea that we stay together and go slower for a bit, during this period she would be hot in person but cold via message and calls (ignoring my calls when I rang and not messaging back, but when I would get home she would be normal, cuddly and really good sex life) 

The day I moved out was a Saturday, she cried and called me her rock and safety blanket, she said she didn't know what she was going to do with herself.

We spoke a bit on the Saturday and I didn't really message her on the sunday. 

I got a message off her at 2AM on Monday morning which she deleted so I didn't get to see it. 

On Monday morning at 6 am she face times me as soon as she sees that I'm online, no prompting from me. 

It was a normal couple conversation. I then rang her on my way to work, again normal, love yous at the end etc. 

She was then really cold again. So I called her on it. She rang me at work and said that she thaught that she just needed a few days not to talk to me.

I said fair enough, obviously upset about it etc and telling her that I wasnt happy about it but if that's what she wanted to do that that's fine. 

Next day she blocks me on fb, messages me on watts app saying that we were no longer together. 

I emailed her to organise a few things like picking stuff up and joint payments etc. 

The last line of her last email was do not contact me. 

On the day of me collecting my things from her best friend I get a message from said best friend saying that my ex had been unable to get into the loft (despite her dad and our old nextdoor nabour having ladders) and i only got my daughter's car seat and my driving license back (there is about £600 with of mountaineering equipment in her loft) 
It's been 25 days no contact and I am really struggling, will I ever hear from her again? Will she unblock me? Was it impulse? 
Help!! 

(Only constructive please, I want her back) 
 

Oh, I also work closely with her best mate (who I know advised my ex that is she was stressed to just leave) 

Edited October 6, 2020 by Juliette Bravo
Spelling

[d0nnivain]

Sorry but you can't go backwards in a relationship.  If there was hope to fix this you would still be under the same roof, working together toward a common goal of reconciliation.  Her asking you to move out & now not communicating is the nail in the coffin.  She's done & wants nothing to do with you.  Pestering will only cause more trouble.  

[Juliette Bravo]

2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Sorry but you can't go backwards in a relationship.  If there was hope to fix this you would still be under the same roof, working together toward a common goal of reconciliation.  Her asking you to move out & now not communicating is the nail in the coffin.  She's done & wants nothing to do with you.  Pestering will only cause more trouble.  

But I don't understand the seeming up and down if it all and her still holding onto my stuff? Any idea?

[d0nnivain]

The up & down is annoying but change is scary sometimes.  She knows she wants out but still it's change. . . 

If you want your stuff, either employ an intermediary to arrange a time for you to pick it up or just show up with a moving truck.  

[Juliette Bravo]

Anyone else got any sort of insight? Is there any hope; 

 

I did miss out a few things, she did this at the beginning of our relationship but didn't last a day

 

She was married for a long time before me but due to abuse she left and fleet the family home and took her kids, we met and get on like a house on fire, she was a mess after we split first time

 

She gave me rules for when I moved out, no talking to other women, no drinking to exces, no flirting with anyone (on the Monday morning) 

 

No moving on 

 

She also said she didn't want me to move but knew we couldn't go back on it because of the deposits etc

 

Just a bit of a head f*** 

 

No closure or anything

[stillafool]

If it's been 25 days without contact it isn't impulsive, it's over.  Since she won't reply back about your stuff and the bills you have no other choice but to forget about it and move on.

[stillafool]

49 minutes ago, Juliette Bravo said:

But I don't understand the seeming up and down if it all and her still holding onto my stuff? Any idea?

She isn't replying because she doesn't want to face you or talk about it.  She doesn't seem to want to get back with you because if she did she wouldn't let you go free for 25 days.  She may be involved with someone else.  She can't give you closure, only you can give it to yourself.

Edited October 6, 2020 by stillafool

[Juliette Bravo]

Just now, stillafool said:

She isn't replying because she doesn't want to face you or talk about it.  She doesn't seem to want to get back with you because if she did she wouldn't let you go free for 25 days.  She may be involved with someone else.

I know the motivation wasn't to get with anyone else, she did respond to my emails and in one of them she just stated that she wanted some time to be her for a bit with no stress, and also added that it had been constant stress since the breakup (mine and her parents got on her back about it due to me just decorating her house and paying £500 to do her garden etc (all of this with her knowing I was moving out but her saying she wanted to stay together) 

 

I don't know, it just seems like she wanted to keep going but then her run away from difficult issues instinct kicked in (is what she does) 

 

Just finding it hard not to hope that we can reconsile, the relationship was amazing for both of us bar the last month of it (due to stresses from both of our respective children's parents) and she openly said she didn't realize it would be this stressful with the ex's etc 

[stillafool]

Well if she needs time away from you because of the stress (of whatever is going on in her life) it doesn't sound like she was very happy.  Out partners are the people we turn to for emotional support under stress and it seems she didn't feel she was getting it from you so she needed to be away from you.  That doesn't bode well for a reconciliation.

Edited October 6, 2020 by stillafool

[mark clemson]

She is too controlling AND I agree this is a dealbreaker for her. Let her go.

IMO, people who are threatened by a specific opposite sex friend and nix the specific friendship are just defending their marriage/relationship. People who require you to disavow ALL opposite sex friends are emotionally damaged and too insecure to be good partners (as you have just found out). You violated her boundaries in the relationship, but her boundaries were never reasonable to begin with. Live and learn, move on, and don't accept this sort of thing again. You may care for her, but she is not emotionally healthy.

[schlumpy]

I think your only chance to get back together is to have a common friend intervene and advocate for you because it looks like her mind is made up while you go dark and let her make the first move. I don't know how long you want to wait. Everyone has their own timetable. 

There is no reason for her to keep your things. If she won't give them up voluntarily get the police involved.

You brought this on yourself by disregarding the boundary she set up.

Even now I don't think you have any real concept of how much of a deal breaker this was for her.

[ShyViolet]

4 hours ago, Juliette Bravo said:

(Only constructive please, I want her back) 

Sorry but this isn't how this forum works.  You can't request "only what you want to hear".  You will get honesty, nothing more and nothing less.

It's been 25 days of no contact.  That's not impulse.  That's her final decision.  For her to take these measures, she must have had really strong reasons.  You make what you did (sending messages to women) sound like not a big deal, but apparently to her it was.  Either that, or that was just the tip of the iceberg and she had other reasons as well for ending the relationship.  You have no choice to but accept this.  I understand that you want her back, but it's not up to you.

[d0nnivain]

17 hours ago, Juliette Bravo said:

She gave me rules for when I moved out, no talking to other women, no drinking to exces, no flirting with anyone (on the Monday morning) 

What kind of BS is that?  If she dumped you & kicked you out,  she doesn't get a say in what you do.  Why would you want to get back together with somebody like that? 

I suspect that maybe you two moved in too fast.  You said you have been together 19 months, just shy of 2 years, & you both have kids.  It seems like breakneck speed to me to have kids calling other people mom & dad that fast.   Given those timing issues, this relationship might not have had the foundation to be sustainable in the long haul.  

[ExpatInItaly]

This relationship is too toxic to put back together, OP. 

Sorry man, but it's time to move on. 

[Wiseman2]

On 10/6/2020 at 3:20 PM, Juliette Bravo said:

But I don't understand the seeming up and down if it all and her still holding onto my stuff? Any idea?

Sorry to hear that. Why did you break up? Where are you staying now? You'll have to communicate with her directly or indirectly to set up a mutually convenient time to collect your stuff.

It's your responsibility to get it out of her house. Sadly this was way too much way too soon. It's a lot of wear and tear on both of your kids.

Your kid's mother needs to be more involved and making your kids call some live in gf "mom", is unfair to everyone 

This woman seems to have horrible judgement and is too flaky and flighty to allow around your kids.

[kendahke]

On 10/6/2020 at 3:14 PM, Juliette Bravo said:

i only got my daughter's car seat and my driving license back (there is about £600 with of mountaineering equipment in her loft) 

You need to involve the law in getting your property back. There is no reason for her to hold onto this except for spite and a way to control you.

If you can't afford to walk away from that investment (which is about $1000US), then contact an attorney to take her to small claims court for either the equipment or the money for the equipment.